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We've all been stung by intolerance and judgement, or jealousy and hatred. We've been unfairly bypassed, overlooked and acted against - threatened, manipulated and mocked either overtly or covertly. As humans we have psychological reactions to this - chemicals which flood our bodies triggering fight or flight. Act or react. We've also been happy and sad and experienced joy and pain. We know what these things feel like because we've all had them. We've all experienced roughly the same standard set of emotions.
Some people, despite understanding that "how they feel" may change given the entire spectrum of emotions which course through us in a given day, week, month or year, make decisions based upon this fleeting floating point. Some of those are easily reversible and undone. Some have long-lasting or drastic repercussions.
Some people are aware that "how they feel" may run contrary to logic. Few I assume are able to make solid decisions despite this cloud of emotional duress. Others simply take note of it and defer the decision until those mood-altering chemicals have subsided.
These divergent people generally fall into two buckets. Those who thirst and quest for the highest sustainable decision-making roadmaps and take ownership of their decisions (easy to do when they understand the logical framework behind it), and those who do not. Those who cannot fathom why events unfolded the way they did, and abstain from any accountability whatsoever. It was fate. Or Jesus. Or the cheese sandwich eaten earlier in the day. Or eaten in a past life. Anything. Everything. Except themselves.
Its a tough life, having so little control over anything when one has tied their future to however they happen to be feeling at the time. And surely someone else is to blame when it doesn't work out.
I talk a good game, I do. And I am acutely aware of the blur of nuances which help to flesh out a full picture much like those "magic eye" 3D stereogram posters. Comprehension, I think, is the difference between a poor decision, and a good decision that didn't work out. And I will absolutely own it regardless. I accept responsibility. Not through words, but through actions. By never blaming anyone, and always looking forward - never back.
Which is probably why I let my two cats wear me down enough to let them into the master bedroom. And take over the bed. No one to blame, but myself.
Back to the drawing board.
See the kitty?
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The last time I quoted President Obama concerned our disagreement over the subjective use of the word "rich" and how much he thought was "a little more." By surrounding myself with really smart people who subscribe to a different ideology than I do, something magnificent occurs - knowledge. I don't have to agree or change my own beliefs, but only the most close-minded of us can walk away from enlightening conversations without a broader view of ourselves.
I like George Takai. More now than I ever did on Star Trek. Because of what he does. Because of who he is. Today, I stood at the confluence of two posts, one which posted this picture found on his Facebook, and the other an RSS feed in which I found something completely unexpected in the (presumably anti-Obama) linked article. The paragraph simply read,
Obama has a complicated history on gay marriage. As a presidential candidate in 2008, he opposed the California ban but didn’t endorse gay marriage. He later said his personal views on gay marriage were “evolving.”
I replied, "What a powerful statement. I'll admit I was surprised to find this quote in the article. If only more people would "evolve" their personal views to such a level where blind ignorance or hate or even something as archaic as religion would dictate to an individual which opinion to have on a subject rather than using reason or logic. I applaud that statement."
My personal views are evolving all the time as well. I'm pretty sure that's how the learning process works. I'm pretty sure that's how critical thinking works. It is easy to spot those who don't. They display it on their person like a beacon with every labeled affiliation, every bumper sticker.
Considering using the Takai graphic as an avatar but running into translation problems with the size requirement, the one poster suggested I remove all the text and just use the rainbow tulip with the word, "Ally." But I have learned to shy away from labeling myself - it can be so limiting, and at times not all-inclusive.
When I was ignorant, I really disliked the ACLU. They always seemed to be bringing up asinine cases against the most absurd things. Until one day, for me, they didn't. What they were arguing this time made sense. Had they changed or had I changed? Confused by this sudden logical streak they seemed to have, I started thinking back at the other absurdities I thought they had committed and realized all this time they actually had a point. They were watching out for our freedoms by all means possible. The things they were against were things which I simply didn't agree with at the time. That didn't make them wrong, that made me wrong.
This lead to many years of trying to figure out what else I had been wrong about. A great many things as it turns out. Due to programming; upbringing. Nature and nurture in concert doing what these things are supposed to - teach us. But at some point, thinking for ourselves becomes more important than simply seeking out further confirmation of our own beliefs. Under that guise, we will always find what we are looking for.
Once again I quote
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crowy who recently spaketh, "One of my duties as a human is to grow." The world is a complex place. Don't be a part of the problem by irrationally dyeing your wool with simplistic solutions. If it doesn't work for everyone, its not a solution. Those who disagree with you are likely just as smart as you, just as hopeful for a better future as you, and just as close-minded as you.
I decided to make my own avatar. Granted its a bit busy design-wise, and may be initially limiting in its scope, but its flexibility allows for growth, and its a starting point. Rather than simply pro-specifics, I'm hoping its message is more anti-ignorance. Because that can be applied to nearly everything, and these are just a few. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm saying I'm willing to consider your point of view.
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I was in a peace store several months back and found some charming bumper stickers, most of which came close to what I wish to convey, but all of them missed the mark just a bit. Some were too simplistic - dismissing valid counter-arguments - while others were too vague - great theories with little practical application.
I've been considering getting a "NATIVE TEXAN" bumper sticker to place directly above the Kansas license plate on my Tiburon; an explanatory visual cue as to why I am doing essentially non-Kansan things like driving the speed limit, merging on and off the highway, and using my blinkers. While entirely accurate, its not the singular defining thing I wish to transmit to others were I to affix such a message to my vehicle.
At work we were interviewed by The Bob's a couple of months back on a fact-finding mission to help us streamline our productivity. Naturally, I was thrilled to have been selected. At the conclusion of the interview I was asked a question I wasn't expecting, "If you were to do something else for a living, what would it be?" The question gave me pause, and I finally answered, "I think I'd like to be a motivational speaker." Were I as brilliant as Ayn Rand, I would pen a novel of my philosophy on life. That being, positivity. Barring that, I think my unique attitude in life bears a wider audience.
So I decided to make my own bumper stickers. Messages which convey exactly what I wish to tell the world. Someday, they will be available for sale on my motivational philosophy web-site, along with all my easily-digestible-yet-thought-provoking changes to accepted moral theories. And I'm just getting started. To live life any other way would be insincere. In 1689 John Locke authored "An Essay Concerning Human Understanding" from an empirical standpoint which was later chapter-by-chapter rebutted from a rationalist viewpoint by Gottfried Leibniz. In the Year of our Lord two-thousand twelve I don't really care which labels people may choose to apply as far as comprehending themselves, only that they do.
I've often stated that I don't belong to either camp. I have experienced both and seen others approach life from these not-necessarily-diametrically-opposed philosophies on life. Understanding that both have their strengths and both have their weaknesses is the apex of comprehension. I currently believe that any argument for one over the other misses the mark, but my point here is that anyone, for any reason, choosing to discover their own self-awareness should be encouraged to do so. I've also seen the harm done to those whose refuse.
Uncertainty influences behavior. I'm not smarter than everyone else, I just know what I don't know, and that sets me apart from the herd. It really isn't about how much you know, its recognizing that you know you don't know; ...by not taking the time to sit back, assess the situation and recognize that their ability and knowledge has flaws....they will plow ahead, causing harm. All I'm trying to do is fill the gaps.
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Money is a by-product of bigger, more meaningful goals such as passion, fun and wisdom.
~ Richard Branson
Bhutan is the only country to measure happiness. They have a Ministry of Happiness to measure the country's GNH (or Gross National Happiness) which "...measures quality of life or social progress in more holistic and psychological terms than only the economic indicator of gross domestic product (GDP)." Wow!
As someone who strives for happiness I have many considerations, for happiness isn't selfish (How many of you know selfish people who are happy?) nor is it solely altruistic (more a measure of meaningfulness, though
dentin did extrapolate on the cultural benefits of being long-term "selfish", which looks a lot like altruism). For me, happiness comes from applying the Nash Equilibrium to lifestyle - ensure (to the best of your ability) those around you are also happy.I rarely (I won't say never) act rashly. I tend to give everything due consideration. The fact that I process information ceaselessly through scenario-running just means I've already considered most outcomes and am ready to act - just because it seemed quick doesn't mean it was rash. It also doesn't mean it isn't flawed at times, only that it makes sense to me. Many times in the past I relied upon
drax0r to poke holes in my logic as he was much more adept at it than I am. Hey, we all have to start somewhere.Which brings me to awe, which I freely admit to experiencing often - over a wide variety of experiences. According to a study in Psychological Science, awe "expands people's perception of time, enhances well-being and causes people to behave more altruistically and less materialistically." This explains so much about where my concept of time comes from!
Business Insider columnist Gus Lubin exchanged emails with one of the paper's authors who defined an "awe" experience as something which required:
- Perceptual vastness
- (i.e., you need to perceive that you’ve encountered something vast in number, size, scope, complexity, or social bearing)
- A need for accommodation
- (i.e., you must feel that you need to revise or update your mental structures/the way you think/your understanding of the world in order to understand the perceptually vast thing/stimuli)
Honestly, I can't tell you how good this validation in particular feels. I am not a scientist. I really can't prove any of my theories except in how I feel - and often the reply is, "Bullshit." I have preached (my wife calls it my new religion) on here ceaselessly on the importance of changing your worldview to accommodate that which you cannot otherwise comprehend, and letting your values self-correct to incorporate the new understanding.
I'm like the dullard at school who tried really hard and got the green ribbon for "most improved." That is to say, I really didn't excel competitively, I just did better than my usual. It explains why I have so much awe in my life. Don't you see? I'm finding I have to "update" my "understanding of the world" far more often that those way ahead of me. I see "scope" in very nearly everything I unearth - different ways to apply philosophy - and see "complexity" likewise; its daunting to know something can be applied liberally and yet be subject to existing paradigms, especially where "social bearing" is concerned! Its because my understanding was so far behind. I get the green ribbon.
It just helps reinforce that I'm not crazy.
As the Bhutanese Minster of Happiness says, "Increasingly, there has been so much research in terms of developing ways, matrixes and systems which can actually assess the way in which happiness can be measured through various factors that contribute to the happiness quotient of an individual. There are those now who increasingly accept happiness as an objective for development."
Color me happy :)
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Often attributed to the father of empiricism Sir Francis Bacon, the phrase, "knowledge is power" (according to Wikipedia) has a very colorful past mired between science and religion (Bacon's attribution was actually referring to knowledge of the power of God as revealed through scripture whereas Thomas Hobbes (an understudy of Bacon's) denotes an understanding of the nature of man).
The first line in HHDL's The Art of Happiness is simply, "I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness." I would argue with the man for I was raised with a very different set of strict guidelines as to what was not only right and wrong, but also what was expected of me as I worked my way through first private, then public school, summer jobs, college, the military, government contracting and corporate America. Very few stops along the way were designed for me to "seek happiness" except in the very narrow constraints of whichever hierarchy I happened to be in at the time, and they were all different. What I am lauded for in the corporate world I was disciplined for in the military. And yet every once in a while along the way I was encouraged for my out-of-the-box thinking.
So I got to wondering, if knowledge is power, and the purpose of life is to seek happiness, then does happiness come about through knowledge? Its counter-intuitive to self-improve if we are happy with where we are, and have no knowledge of ourselves - yet that is not sustainable. Too many things change too often for "where we are" to be a static foundation. When that foundation shifts, cracks or erodes away (and given enough time it most certainly will) where do we then find ourselves?
Only through constantly questioning our behaviors, actions, motives, beliefs and values can we discover where we are, choose where we want to go, and most importantly, adjust the path we're on to get there. I reject that anyone is on any path that brings them true happiness without constant reevaluation because happiness is an ever-evolving thing within us which needs to be fed through experience and growth.
- If we receive a piece of new information and choose to discard it after careful consideration, that reinforces that we're on the right path.
- If we receive a piece of new information and choose to alter course after careful consideration, it helps keep our compass straight and true.
Only by dismissing that which may ultimately be knowledge do we run the risk of ending up somwhere we don't wish to be. We should always actively seek that we're heading the right direction - and this is not always easy. Then again neither is fleeting happiness - extrinsic things which can be given and taken away, or that which is based an elusive illusions.
The objects that we find security in will be different for everyone. These are the things in our life that are hardest to get rid of because of the psychological sense of security that they carry with them. It’s not really that they do anything for us, but we just get accustomed to having them around and it feels strange to imagine life without them.
When you go looking for a sense of security in physical things, you simply won’t find what you’re looking for. Instead, look for a true sense of security in people, in relationships, and in time well spent. When you can learn to let go of the physical things you’ve attached your sense of security to, you’ll realize a freedom waiting for you. In time you’ll realize you don’t miss them.*
Thought has created all the various forms of illusion - nationalities, class, different gods, different beliefs, different dogmas, different rituals and the extraordinary religious superstitions that pervade the world - and in them it has sought security. And one does not see the danger of this security, of this illusion. When one sees the danger - not as an idea but as an actual fact - that seeing is intelligence, the supreme form of absolute security. So there is absolute security: it is to see the truth in the false.*
Knowledge then, in and of itself is not power. But it is the potential for power. It requires action. Its not enough to be on the rails of one track while simply identifying momentarily parallel tracks. At some point - we must jump. Not all course corrections are as easy as adjusting the rudder of a ship a single degree. Sometimes we have to jump from one train to another, and this will take courage - and entirely intrinsic undertaking, for courage comes solely from within. Remember, it's not the change that's painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful - and that brings us back to fear.
Ever pervasive.
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Venice, The Doge's Palace (1881 Pierre-Auguste Renoir)
Thus spake Oscar Wilde, "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." And he cited that the beauty we see in everyday things around us are not because they exist as such, rather because poets and artists created their beauty in ways for us to see these things around us altogether differently.
In trying to define my own view of life, I turned to the most unlikely of mediums for a non-artist, that of the principles of art. While I cannot myself create it, I do so appreciate it. If the archetypical artist is a tortured creature beholden to great emotional fury which allows them to wield beauty from a prism of crosshatched visible refracted frequencies, perhaps in much the same way my cool, logical exterior affords me the ability to create beauty in life, also out of seemingly nothing but a trick of light and air?
I was astonished to discover the Principles of Art mirror the very philosophies in life I attempt to adhere to:
- Movement
Movement shows actions, or alternatively, the path the viewer's eye follows throughout an artwork.- Unity
Unity is the wholeness that is achieved through the effective use of the elements and principles of art.- Harmony/Repetition
Harmony and repetition is achieved in a body of work by using similar elements throughout the work. Harmony gives an uncomplicated look to a piece of artwork or sculpture; repetition is repeating elements and stressing similarities.- Variety
Variety is the quality or state of having different forms or types, notable use of contrast, emphasis, difference in size and color.- Balance
Balance is arranging elements so that no one part of a work overpowers, or seems heavier than any other part.- Contrast/Emphasis
Contrast and emphasis is created by using elements that combine with one another.- Gradation
Gradation is using a series of gradual changes in an element (smooth to rough, large to small, light to dark, etc.).- Proportion
Proportion is a measurement of the size and quantity of elements within a composition.- Pattern/Rhythm
Pattern and rhythm is showing consistency with colors or lines.
Action, a path, wholeness, harmony, repeatable processes, variety, balance, a combination of dissimilar elements, gradual change, proportion and consistency - everything a rewarding life requires; life imitating art. And yet art is diverse enough that one could incorporate all of these elements into a picture which some might find reprehensible, so surely the subject, or goal in the case of life, is equally as important.
Quoting the Book of Amos (Can two walk together, except they be agreed?), this guest poster discovers he was pursuing balance, but what he desired was harmony, "Harmony means agreement; accord; harmonious relations. That's what I wanted, my life to have harmonious relations. Isn't that what we all want, for our families, career, goals and lifestyle to all work together and not compete with each other?"
I know that's what I want. Variety and diversity don't have to be the bane of harmony. Just like in works of art you can bridge different forms or types - contrast, emphasis and difference with repeating elements stressing similarities if you have the vision and the right tools, the right attitude - a desire to make it happen. What cannot be overcome with a desire to work together to ensure its success? Take any slew of differences and repeat them at regular intervals and you have a pattern - uniform and holistic. These same patters can be found in cultures and ideologies of life if we take the time to step back and see them.
But why does it have to be balance "or" harmony? Can it not include elements of both? Philosophers are funny people - and artists in their own way; they define for us order from chaos and also create ways for us to see these things around us altogether differently. They hold onto their view as if it were sacrosanct, despite conflicting philosopies - think rationalism versus empiricism. Yet like Kant, we don't have to choose just one, having the freedom to pick and choose the best of each and apply them liberally in any situation - in this day and age we can rely upon many lifetimes worth of ideals in which to embrace.
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So often people blame events for how their lives have turned out.
Yet what really shapes our lives is the meaning we attach to events.
~ Tony Robbins
We went out to eat the other day, and was served by a bright-eyed, cheerful young lady who took the time to speak directly to us, ask us about our day AND keep our iced teas filled. "She's going places," my wife quipped. As she brought us the bill she thanked us for looking her in the eye while speaking to her, "So many customers nowadays won't even do that!" We left a 50% tip.
Attempting to connect motivation, values, goals and needs to better understand myself and others is a daunting task insofar as not only are they all separate entities, they seemingly feed into each other from a myriad of directions, making their interoperatbility a single cohesive unit.
Wikipedia defines the four as follows:
Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors.
Values can be defined as broad preferences concerning appropriate courses of action or outcomes.
A goal is an objective, or a projected computation of affairs, that a person or a system plans or intends to achieve.
To most psychologists, need is a psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a goal, giving purpose and direction to behavior.
So once again we're going to tread the waters of actions and behavior. Color me unsurprised. As we've previously discussed how values and behavior are connected we'll now assume motivation is the the trigger for need and explore how behavior reflects it.
When I think of needs I immediately visualize Masolw's pyramid. And more recently Tony Robbins' "Six Human Needs" This is brought into play because...
IF:
The main benefit of knowing your values is that you will gain tremendous clarity and focus, but ultimately you must use that newfound clarity to make consistent decisions and take committed action.
Consciously knowing and living by our values is extremely important. Values act as our compass to put us back on course every single day, so that day after day, we're moving in the direction that takes us closer and closer to our definition of the "best" life we could possibly live. The "best" is your own ideal, but generally as you get closer to this ideal, you'll enjoy increasingly positive shades of "better" even if you never reach "best." And this makes sense because many results in life exist on a continuum. There are some discrete entities like being married or not married, but your health, financial status, relationship intimacy, and level of happiness are generally continuous, meaning that they can gradually get better or worse. It seems reasonable that more health, happiness, wealth, intimacy, inner peace, love, etc. is better than less.*
AND:
Decisions shape destiny.
THEN:
Our needs are what we are pursuing by way of our decisions. Whatever our needs are at any given time, our values will shift to accommodate them and our behavior will immediately reflect to achieve it. Ergo, the future we desire!
Knowing - identifying exactly - our needs, suddenly becomes more than just an esoteric pastime. They are fundamental to not only our every day lives (as reflected in our behavior), but also to our very future, to which is tied health, happiness, wealth, intimacy, inner peace, love, etc. That is a veritable laundry list of positive items that can result from just one question. What are our needs?
Mr. Robbins separated human needs into two areas which he called "Personality Needs" and "Needs of the Spirit" which I think deserve a second look given they might help us define our future and positively modify our behavior to obtain it. For this entry, we'll focus only on the first four personality needs, linking to four different sources at an attempt at well-roundedness...
- CERTAINTY:
- UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY:
- SIGNIFICANCE:
- CONNECTION/LOVE:
We want to feel safe, avoid pain, and feel comfortable in our environment and our relationships. Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and security. Even though some certainty is necessary to all of us, what constitutes certainty varies from individual to individual. Code words for certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.* If people have a high reliance on the human need to feel certain in life it can inhibit a truly happy life because an important part of meeting the needs of the spirit involves being able to feel uncertain, since a large part of growth relies around the ability to go outside oneself and to push boundaries.*
If you get too much certainty in your life you become bored and your life becomes monotonous. Many people have this challenge so they crave variety or uncertainty in their life. It can also be described as surprise, difference, diversity, challenge or excitement* for variety and challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, surprise.
A sense of being needed or having a purpose, uniqueness or the need to feel important. "There's a healthy way to pursue both [significance and variety]," Robbins says, "and an unbalanced way: When you buy a yacht for significance, there is always going to be someone with another, nicer yacht. How long can that significance last? When the desire for significance or certainty is driving you, you're going to be unhappy," he said. "You have to switch your priority to growth or love. Those are better leads."*
The fourth and final need to fulfill for everyone walking the planet is the need for love and or connection. A lot of the time people settle for the feeling or connection because love requires the ability to be able to grow and contribute to someone or something outside yourself. [If we don't love selflessly] it is hard to experience love which can only come when someone else’s needs are put before their own (which paradoxically is the easiest way to fulfill our deepest needs). Adults tend to find it easier to experience love from family members and their children than with an intimate partner because with family and children there is a sense (illusionary) of certainty that they will never leave them.*
While we all probably understand these things at different levels, what seems apparent is that pursing or meeting solely our personality needs will lead to attachment and suffering at one end, and mediocrity at the other. Yes we need these things to survive, but I would argue there's a chasm between those who seek survival, and those who seek to live.
The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get from it, but what they become by it.
~ John Ruskin
Opinions and beliefs fascinate me. No, that's not quite right. People who hold opinions and beliefs fascinate me. Setting aside for a moment our cold-dead-hands-grip on our desire to be "right" no matter the cost, why do we even care? Why do we have "convictions" at all? So here we all are, on this earth, perceiving things individually, and one person decides how they perceive something is the only right way to perceive something. That part - why does that part happen?
I think a lot of times those of us who don't seek truth forget what opinions and beliefs are. We use them to prop us up when we don't know, but we forget that they are nothing more than unsubstantiated best-guesses. They're placeholders for data - nothing more. But that's not really the fascinating part. The part which boggles this citizen is our inability to take in and compare new data when it conflicts with those beliefs.
I was recently visiting with some retired State Troopers who were "born again" and while I appreciate their enthusiasm for living a good life and trying to make sense of the darker side of human nature they were undoubtedly inundated with, their assertion that people who don't accept the "truth" of the bible being the written word of God set off all my critical thinking alarms. By definition an opinion is "a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty" and a belief is, "confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof." When I make gentle suggestions that other people's perceptions may differ I'm often accused of trying to get someone to change their minds to believe what I believe. Nothing could be further from the truth!
All I seek is understanding. Understanding others and understanding myself. The acknowledgement that our beliefs are based on best-guesses of how we see the world around us, and that we all see different things. That said, since learning about cognitive distortion I've discovered there is actually a right and a wrong, wrong being a conclusion based upon logical fallacies. An argument isn't a fight, its a different conclusion constructed from a series of logical propositions. To this end I've heard the overly-opinionated make the baffling statement, "I'm not going to argue this with you." The only ones (to date) I've heard say this are those who have no plans to accept new, possibly contradictory data or from open-minded individuals who know their side won't be heard. Whichever side of the fence they are on, there are those who are either unwilling, or unable to process it.
I'm not perfect - far from it - but without a desire to understand one another, we act on assumptions which will harm us in the long term. Ignorance as it turns out, is far from bliss. And there are always, at a minimum, two sides to every story. It shouldn't be about picking sides, rather understanding both points of view.
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"You can suffer for as long as you wish, and when you no longer want to suffer, you can stop." So says Cheri Huber, Zen Leader. It often is that easy. Unless you think its not. Then all of a sudden it isn't. Why is that? In my experience, many people refuse to believe it. Or think they deserve their suffering. Whatever the reason, its wrong. How can I use such a strong word so unabashedly? Wisdom. And while my clone and I politely disagree over whether greed or fear is the the root of all suffering, we do agree that allowing either to make or influence decisions - even unconsciously - leads to suffering.
"Suffering" is an interesting topic to apply to everyday things. Most people probably don't understand it or think it doesn't apply to them. I can make that assumption because I didn't understand it and thought it didn't apply to me. Until I was introduced to it by thinking about all the things I think about which have nothing to do with suffering. In some form or another, it touches just about everything. I cannot seemingly discuss or research any topics anymore which don't end in some form of mindfulness.
Mindfulness has become a word loaded with much ambiguity. Probably due in part to its multifaceted application and in part to its broad definition. To critical thinkers who immediately acknowledge its potential power, the word itself is self-defining. But abstraction can be a difficult thing to illustrate to the unfamiliar. It is, in a matter of speaking, awareness. Awareness not only of oneself, but of oneself as it relates to the environment we're in, and the fluid situations surrounding us at any point in time as that environment changes; mutates. If that sounds easy enough its because most of us do not know how to be aware of ourselves. Again, I make this assumption because I spent years trying, and can therefore see it easily in others.
In my woefully limited view and layman's comprehension of both Buddhism and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), I have nonetheless been fascinated by them both - or more directly - by their eerie similarities. I first touched on this phenomenon in the "trifecta" section of my Interdependence post. The deeper I looked, the more I discovered.
In Eastern philosophies, mindfulness is an attentiveness to seeing the reality of life without engaging our human filter. Epistomologically, a daunting task. Meditation is the tool those sage monks use to get there. Here in the West we have psychotherapists. Basically, to see truth without bias mindfulness suggests accepting your thoughts without reacting to them emotionally. The Centre For Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy defines it as observing thoughts, images and feelings in an accepting way without engaging with them, interpreting them in traditional ways, or using distraction techniques to try to suppress and/or escape from them.
Contemporary mental-health practitioners increasingly find ancient Buddhist practices (such as the development of mindfulness) of empirically proven therapeutic value.*
My current struggle (and don't let anyone tell you that the path to enlightenment isn't fraught with struggle) is continuing down this path of self-improvement without alienating everyone along the way. I feel exactly like a born-again who's enthusiasm to share the Good News with everyone he's ever known his entire life causes him to get his ass kicked. Sharing the Gospel can be rewarding work. And by rewarding I mean downright boggling. Apparently, not everyone appreciates their faults being pointed out. As for me I am fascinated when someone takes the time out to point out mine. Differing opinions on how to draw the oar for a collective of people from a diverse culture. Attachments are always painful.
If we stay or go, and whatever else we do, it must be our choice, our decision, and for our own benefit. Family and friends are a part of life, but cannot be our life. If we don’t like what we are and how we are, we can change that. It might take time and effort, but everything changes.*
Learning to walk the narrow path between two extremes is intimidating at times. Especially when you don't have all the answers. Sometimes its not knowing what the right answer is, just knowing which two are the wrong answers. But when either extreme is the familiar territory, the draw can be overwhelming - the desire to slip back into old habits like slipping on a comfortable pair of shoes.
The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things.*
So why do it? Happiness. Not the fleeting kind material things provide, rather the repeatable deep joy one experiences through wisdom; questioning the world around them to better understand their place. I skirt it from time to time as I have epiphanies about everything surrounding me. Often though, I have trouble holding onto it, retaining it. I think I've figured out some great mystery when another issue either invalidates it or supersedes it. It can be exhausting.
Perhaps more than any other religion, Buddhism is associated with happiness. According to Buddhist thinking, happiness and sorrow are our own responsibility – and completely within our control. A central tenet of Buddhism is that we are not helpless victims of unchangeable emotions. In the words of Buddha himself, "We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." It's an idea that's in line with current thinking in psychology. In fact, this simple philosophy – that changing the way we think can change the way we feel – underpins the very practice of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), an approach widely used in clinical psychology and counselling, as well as stress management programs.*
Buddhism uses the word, desire instead of expectations and Buddhism too is about thinking realistically, that is, impermanence, law of causes, conditions and effects, suffering etc. Buddhism emphasizes wisdom which is similar to rational thinking promoted by Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.*
And yet I was skeptical of the "middle way" where giving up attachment is paramount to inner growth. Logically, it made sense to me, but emotionally I struggled. My emotional struggles are almost always hidden from public view, where I can express them and scrutinize them openly to myself, outside judgement and comment. I can be quite introspective.
Surely there is a "middle way" between attachment and giving up everything and everyone you've ever loved? This is where my path led me, to eschew that Buddhist extremism and find the middle way of the middle way. Of course the only obstacle in my path was my own ignorance. The solution to attachment is simply non-attachment, or being responsible for your own happiness.
In order to be happy, we need to be fully committed to life, we need to be passionate, we need to care, we need to get emotional, we need to be able to positively direct our desires toward constructive goals. Genuine non-attachment is the key. A person who has balanced non-attachment is someone who is able to fully enjoy and engage in their relationships, work, leisure activities and so on without being totally reliant upon those things for his or her inner happiness and sense of wellbeing.*
I have my work cut out for me.
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I recently made the deductive statement that one's personal values surely changed as one ascended from one hierarchical need to the next, but when asked to back up my claim I found I wasn't immediately able to deduce why that may be the case. After all, aren't values inherent to who we are not only immovably individual, but also collectively cultural? This is what I have set out to prove or disprove.
In starting my search, I first had to define values - aren't they our guiding principles to differentiate between right and wrong and good and evil? Much easier to subjugate when I was younger, but now that I'm older and have my own thoughts about things, not so much. Perhaps maturity modifies ones values? After all, the passing of time allows intervals for experience; experience may yield lessons; lessons afford us the opportunity to learn; learning expands knowledge; knowledge which can be utilized grants us wisdom; wisdom changes us irrevocably. But is wisdom alone maturity?
"Maturity indicates how a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned and encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act appropriately, according to the situation and the culture of the society one lives in."* So a learned response! And what is this about behavior all of a sudden, I thought we were discussing values?
People act according to their values which come from beliefs that stem from their worldview.*
So...values dictate to us how we act; behave. Interesting! I suppose one ought to start with their worldview in order to understand how that translates to behavior, because values seem to be affected by the beliefs which are spawned from it. So what is a worldview? James W. Sire, in Discipleship of the Mind, defines world view as, "... a set of presuppositions...which we hold...about the makeup of our world." Ah, presuppositions!
Presuppositions rest upon that which a person considers to be the truth of what exists. People's presuppositions lay a grid for all they bring forth into the external world. Their presuppositions also provide the basis for their values and therefore the basis for their decisions." ~Francis Schaeffer
Basically, your worldview is what you think the world ought to be. Where have we heard that word "ought" before? SHOULD STATEMENTS – Patterns of thought which imply the way things "should" or "ought" to be rather than the actual situation the person is faced with.
Basically worldviews are manifestations of cognitive distortion! Now we're getting somewhere.
If you deny that your worldview fundamentally affects what you think and do, then you must acknowledge that your behavior is impulsive, reflexive, or emotional at best; ignorant or irrational at worst. Assuming that a worldview can be incorrect or at least inappropriate, if your worldview is erroneous, then your behavior is misguided, even wrong. If you fail to examine, articulate, and refine your worldview, then your worldview may in fact be wrong, with the above consequences, and you will always be ill-prepared to substantiate your beliefs and justify your acts, for you will have only proximate opinions and direct sensory evidence as justification.*
If we are supposed to, "examine, articulate, and refine" our worldview, then by default a change in our beliefs, values, and behavior will follow. Not only does it alter our values, but so does everything connected to it, every single time we reevaluate. And I aggressively reevaluate without provocation.
Like a stack of dominoes, once your worldview is modified, so then are the beliefs which are built atop it - "You want your beliefs to change. It's proof that you are keeping your eyes open, living fully, and welcoming everything that the world and people around you can teach you."* This means that peoples' beliefs should evolve as they gain new experiences, and when a person changes one belief, a multitude of other beliefs seem also to change simultaneously and effortlessly. Dispositionalism suggests that by changing the surrounding beliefs and desires, very different behavior may result.* As we have seen, the link between beliefs and behavior, are values.
If our worldview can and should change as we learn more, which can and rightly should then change our beliefs, then absolutely our values not only can change to match, but also should. This is covered in chapter 9 of the critical thinking textbook, Think where they discuss Lawrence Kohlberg's Development of Moral Reasoning. Development; growth, a process. Not only can values modify themselves, there is an identified, repeatable sequence - it is how we know what values are and measure them. A person's stage of moral development is correlated with his or her behavior.
- PRECONVENTIONAL VALUES
- Stage 1
- Does only what needs to be done to take care of self and avoid punishment.
- Does only what needs to be done to take care of self and avoid punishment.
- Stage 1
- Stage 2
- Satisfy own needs first, consider other's needs only if it benefits you.
- Satisfy own needs first, consider other's needs only if it benefits you.
- CONVENTIONAL VALUES
- Stage 3
- Put other's needs first, maintain good relationships, conform to peer norms and seek approval from others.
- Put other's needs first, maintain good relationships, conform to peer norms and seek approval from others.
- Stage 3
- Stage 4
- Respect authority and societal norms; maintain existing social order.
- Respect authority and societal norms; maintain existing social order.
- POSTCONVENTIONAL VALUES
- Stage 5
- Balance your own needs along with the needs of others. Obey only the social rules which make sense to you - don't follow blindly.
- Balance your own needs along with the needs of others. Obey only the social rules which make sense to you - don't follow blindly.
- Stage 5
- Stage 6
- Question all societal norms. Autonomously comprehend universal rules which are rational and logical.
- Question all societal norms. Autonomously comprehend universal rules which are rational and logical.
Unfortunately less than 10% of American adults ever reach the postconventional level or moral reasoning; values. People with lower levels of moral reasoning tend to come up with simplistic solutions and then are baffled when they do not work. People outgrow their old way of thinking *when* it becomes inadequate for resolving more complex problems. Movement to a higher stage is usually triggered by new ideas or experiences that conflict with their worldview.
Now comes the really interesting part. You don't have to continue living by the same values. You can consciously change them - even radically if desired. You can go from a person who values peace most highly to one whose top priority is success, or vice versa. You are not your values. You are the thinker of your thoughts, but you are not the thoughts themselves. Your values are your current compass, but they aren't the real you. Why would you ever want to change your values? You may want to change your values when you understand and accept where they are taking you, and you realize that what you appear to value right now will not enable you to enjoy the "best" possible life for you.*
Which brings us to behavior. Behavior is the visible portion of our values - which we now understand to be a very fluid thing based on our ever-changing environment and our open-minded incorporation of new data. You cannot be open-minded and remain unchanged. Because of the trickle-up effect we've just outlined, if you find yourself behaving the same year after year, month after month or even day after day you know you are close-minded because your worldview has not changed.
So what are values? Here's a list of 418 of them. The author of that list says, "The next step is to prioritize your list. This is usually the most time consuming and difficult step because it requires some intense thinking." But don't forget our magnificent ability to think we are things we are not! From my Relationships post:
But being honest with yourself is is not so easy. There's a little thing called self-deception that gets in the way.*
I run across this all the time - people who think their values embody something like benevolence and goodwill but who's visible actions denote fear or greed. So while your behavior may be inconsistent with your stated values, there is no such thing as a right or wrong list. Just be aware that someone else's value priority may be different than your own, and this will absolutely manifest itself through behavior.
Me and my values? They are changing all the time. Every time I have a new thought, or leap to a new conclusion, or reach some personal milestone. My values these days are meta-values, those which underpin the kind of peace which can only come from a successful familiarization with one's self. In attempting to compile my list from the 418 options I was shocked I couldn't find my highest priority on there:
Symmetry.
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I recently watched Guy Richie's Sherlock Holmes and its magnificent sequel, and will admit to being downright smitten with the intimate relationship Holmes and Watson share in this particular interpretation - what is it in the psychology behind the homosociality of bromance buddy-films that endears us to them?
Imagine observing two house painters whose brushstrokes seemed to be playing out a duet on the side of the house. They may be shocked to think that they were engaged in an intimate activity with each other, however from an experiential point of view, they would be very intimately involved.*
Nancy Sherman's [philosophy professor and author] elucidation on Aristotle's intimate nature of friendship helps define the importance of the empathetic "singleness of mind" for a truly intimate relationship - through sharing in argument and in thought. Not just thinking alike, but arriving at similar conclusions through similar processes:
The point is that the friends “share” a conception of values not merely in that there is significant overlap between the values of the one friend and those of the other, and not merely in that this overlap is maintained through the influence that the friends have on each other. Rather, the values are shared in the sense that they are most fundamentally their values, at which they jointly arrive by deliberating together.[Friends have] the project of a shared conception of eudaimonia [i.e., of how best to live]. Through mutual decisions about specific practical matters, friends begin to express that shared commitment. Any happiness or disappointment that follows from these actions belongs to both persons, for the decision to so act was joint and the responsibility is thus shared.*
It wasn't just the antics Holmes and Watson found themselves embroiled in, nor was it their inherent trust in each other to play to their strengths - it was their attitude in the acknowledgement that the relationship existed; something I used to endeavor to understand about myself and my friends when I was younger, even up to a decade ago - most recently the relationship I had with my hetero-lifemate
drax0r which I now understand to have also been a very intimate one by the many and varied definitions of both intimacy, and friendship.So just what are some of those definitions of intimacy? As already mentioned there is experiential intimacy - a sharing of activities without communicating thoughts or feelings - but being actively engaged with one another nonetheless; unique in the choice with whom we choose to share these activities with, and for what reason. Emotional intimacy is where two or more people can comfortably share their feelings with and/or empathize with each other much as intellectual (cognitive) intimacy is an exchange of thoughts and ideas enjoying similarities and differences between opinions. Both emotional and intellectual intimacy are separated from casual conversations/relationships by a level of comfort in that communication which allows for trust building, introducing vulnerability.
The meaning and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships. Intimacy is considered the product of a successful...process of rapport building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret knowledge) that bind people together.*
In short, without first exposing oneself wholly (vulnerability) and without opaque motivation (transparency) and having it returned (reciprocity), intimacy will never be experienced. Ever. No matter how much sex takes place - the lowest common denominator of one possible intimacy which most people confuse as the physical act of penetrative intercourse itself. We all want our cake, and want to eat it too.
Sex is the icing on the cake. Intimacy is the cake.*
My first post on intimacy postulated that dialog, transparency, vulnerability & reciprocity would take on different characteristics upon each level toward self-actualization; transparency behind communication during periods in which someone is fearing for their life would differ from those trying to win the respect of their peers, for example. In comparison, this thesis will be on defining the different levels of intimacy, and attempting to structure an order behind them so we can discover why a foundation is so very important to growth and what that growth looks like once it reaches maturation. To that end, I've manifested a illustrative graphic:
Network giant CISCO's Get Intimate at Work presentation uses a common intimacy pyramid to convey how to build trust in a client relationship from a business perspective, but the steps they outline to get there are all the same. In order to advance through the levels, we must first have an authentic foundation. But what is authenticity and how do we identify it? The answer to that was surprisingly found in the periodical Shambhala Sun concerning the nature of being truly genuine:
To be genuine you have to be honest with yourself first, and then with others. Don't make anything up. Just do it. Just be it. Its's pretty straightforward. But being honest with yourself is is not so easy. There's a little think called self-deception that gets in the way.*
Starting at the top, reciprocity is giving and taking selfishly and selflessly - a [mutually beneficial] cycle of Randian ethics; abject communication without repercussion - having individual needs fulfilled while fulfilling the needs of others. Needs cannot be met without exposing one's self to another. To be vulnerable we must be willing to place ourselves in harms way, to acknowledge the potential to be hurt. And this takes mature amounts of emotional fortitude and personal responsibility. This is the same mindset which must also occur at the lowest level - likes, interests & sex. If we cannot be genuine and open at the lowest levels, we will never even reach the higher levels. All pyramids of ascending aspirations work on this principle.
Over time, we deny our needs and replace them with defenses. Then when someone values us, we have to reject him or her. To let ourselves be cherished for who we really are would be to violate our parents' edict that we are flawed, and to arouse our fear that if we do, feel, or think certain things, we'll be neglected and abandoned—in the most primal sense, left to die. So to receive love is to risk death.*
But in attempting to articulate how very unlikely it is the majority of us can honestly self-evaluate, I ran across an interesting psychoanalytical term, alexithymia - a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions. So while the majority of us probably succumb to some degree of self-deception unconsciously, therefore preventing us to be honest even with ourselves - others of us aren't even capable of comprehending our own emotions to evaluate. We must at all times be mindful of what we are feeling.
To end self-rejection, you have to learn to love in another what you hate in yourself.*
Honesty about our likes, dislikes, interests and yes, sex is all about laying a foundation of authenticity, something from which to build on. Its what makes the next level, expressing personal goals and aspirations so fulfilling - genuine interest in each other - a test of compatibility and genuineness. While rejection can come from any level of the pyramid, trust (intimacy) ascends with it, in essence a self-strengthening process, bolstered by honesty of the previous success and anticipation of the next. Fears & challenges then is the first introduction to vulnerability, albeit on a much safer scale. Its the baby-step of climbing the intimacy ladder - topple this and trust topples with it. Yet succeed, and dialog - true back and forth exchange of ideas and information - becomes possible. What are you going to discuss?
Dialog however, is merely the gateway to the transcendent meta-intimacies. That said, I have attempted to structure them to aid in comprehension. Transparency is a complete accountability of self and declaration of motivation - its the "why" behind the facilitation of dialog. Revealing incentive is the first step to vulnerability because it exposes us to criticism. That exposure - even prior to feedback - builds trust, inherent to intimacy. If being transparent is accepted with genuine honesty, full-on vulnerability is a natural progression. I define vulnerability as allowing the true me to be unabashedly judged. For those who can push through the self-deception and self-rejection, for those who can honestly self-evaluate - that's an enormous step. But only by empowering someone else with that knowledge are we truly vulnerable.
When we start shading what we say to keep our relationship calm, we destroy intimacy and desire and diminish our sense of security and self-worth.*
Like every other character-building ground we may gain, it will absolutely require continual, aggressive reevaluation without provocation as a matter of preventative maintenance. Never hitch self-worth to that which can be given or taken away. Those who cannot bear to be judged should never open themselves up for judgement. But for those who can withstand judgement, the gifts are immeasurable.
The highest values [in life] are not learned, they are discovered.*
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I resolve* to finally dismiss every initiate who thinks if I am speaking 1-degree off point, I must mean the opposite. I will consider them non-combatants on the path to enlightenment.
The elusive monochromatic spectrum
Honest to god shades of gray <-- Not a myth!
* - My first ever :)
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WATERVLIET
Went to the Watervliet Arsenal Museum today on the suggestion on Bill (ex-Army artilleryman). It is the oldest, continuously active arsenal in the United States. The museum traced weaponry from the 1600s through modern times - most of it developed there. There were two highlights to this tour. One, was the development of the GBU-28 "bunker buster" used in the first Gulf War which was made out of a surplus of old 8-inch artillery barrels taken from deactivated M110 howitzers - conceived, engineered and built in just 22 days, and the other highlight was one of the employees who took an interest in us (after overhearing Bill giving my boss and I his own tour) and took us off the tour to show us their newly restored belt-driven low-rpm Civil War era machine shop! He turned it on and everything started moving and spinning through a series of cranks, pulleys and gears. Everything was oiled and working. It was fascinating. He stamped our leather wallets with the official Civil War 'Watervliet Arsenal' stamp of that era. What a great tour! It also dawned on me that this was the first time I'd been anywhere where the civil war was from the Union perspective. Being from Texas, I'd only ever visited Confederate sites. Hindsight being 20/20, I probably should NOT have worn my 'General Lee' shirt to this event. Live and learn. I took a ton of pictures, but I offer you this, thanks to
photogoot's recent successes, a macro of a gravity-fed oiler circa 1860:
USS SLATER
If we were going to see what Albany had to offer today, I wanted to see the USS Slater, the only memorial/museum Destroyer Escort ship still afloat. My first ship was the USS Alabama. Later, I was onboard six aircraft carriers currently serving (and I saw the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor). This would be the smallest military ship I've toured. I was planning on just poking around and taking some snaps, but we were rushed over to a tour group just starting, and instead received a wonderful guided tour from a man who had served aboard a DE during WWII. You couldn't ask for a better guide:
THE COLLAGE
That collage everyone is doing. What's with all the porn? I laughed heartily at all the cocks that showed up on my friend's page - and luckily I had none of that - but I did an extensive collection of...um, women. Which is pretty funny, because I'm pretty boring and don't have a lot of interests. All I'm going to say here, is click at your own risk. You've been warned!
Yanked from Everyone on my friends page:
( My Interests Collage! )
Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424
ga_woo, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424
All over the meader and the hill!
Took the in-laws to see the Arch this evening. This marked the first time I've been under the arch, where they have a museum of the mid-west which is really well done, and various other displays and shops. And a beautiful carved stone mural which displays the arch prominently amongst other American monuments.
Buds're bustin' outa bushes
Walked through the old part of town, The Landing which hosts a fabulous Blues Festival each year. We attended one the weekend I proposed to my wife when we were here in '97. She wanted to eat dinner at the Brewery, and we found one, Morgan Street Brewery where I, in a surprising move, ordered a Golden Pilsner. It was fantastic. I had the grilled chicken & andouille sausage over penne pasta which was cajun spicy and delicious. It even filled me up - no small feat! I ended my meal with their Graham Cracker Porter, which was to die for. My father-in-law, a very difficult man to impress, was so thrilled with his steak, he thanked the entire waitstaff and the checkout girl. I'd never seen him so pleased. I think that alone made the entire outing worth it.
And the rompin' river pushes
It had stormed most of the day and was calm and cool by the time we hit the streets, a perfect evening to an otherwise hectic day. All this would not have been possible of course without the help ofgalinda822 who watched the children for us so we could enjoy this evening with my wife's folks. Thank you!
Ev'ry little wheel that wheels beside a mill!
As dusk overtook us, the city lit up and we concluded our evening with a walk down the riverside.
Took the in-laws to see the Arch this evening. This marked the first time I've been under the arch, where they have a museum of the mid-west which is really well done, and various other displays and shops. And a beautiful carved stone mural which displays the arch prominently amongst other American monuments.
Buds're bustin' outa bushes
Walked through the old part of town, The Landing which hosts a fabulous Blues Festival each year. We attended one the weekend I proposed to my wife when we were here in '97. She wanted to eat dinner at the Brewery, and we found one, Morgan Street Brewery where I, in a surprising move, ordered a Golden Pilsner. It was fantastic. I had the grilled chicken & andouille sausage over penne pasta which was cajun spicy and delicious. It even filled me up - no small feat! I ended my meal with their Graham Cracker Porter, which was to die for. My father-in-law, a very difficult man to impress, was so thrilled with his steak, he thanked the entire waitstaff and the checkout girl. I'd never seen him so pleased. I think that alone made the entire outing worth it.
And the rompin' river pushes
It had stormed most of the day and was calm and cool by the time we hit the streets, a perfect evening to an otherwise hectic day. All this would not have been possible of course without the help of
galinda822 who watched the children for us so we could enjoy this evening with my wife's folks. Thank you!Ev'ry little wheel that wheels beside a mill!
Laclede's Landing, named for Pierre Laclede, St. Louis' French founder, is a vibrant entertainment district just north of the Gateway Arch along the Mississippi River. Once the hub of river trade where fur trappers rendezvoused, music now echoes off the Landing's cobblestone streets, and restaurants, music clubs and shops fill the former warehouses that once held tobacco, cotton and other products brought to St. Louis by steamboats. On the edge of the Landing, modern casinos recall a time when gambling boats plied the Mississippi.
If there's one place that conjures up images of St. Louis' river past, Laclede's Landing is it. Streets in the nine square block area of the Landing are the same as they were when Laclede laid them out in his original plan.
Here cobblestone thoroughfares harken back to the time when St. Louis was a center of river commerce and conjure images of traders selling their furs, tobacco and cotton arriving on steam boats and paddle wheelers taking on and discharging passengers. In fact, in the 19th and early 20th centuries, the Landing was a busy area of manufacturing and commerce.
Today the Landing's preserved historic brick and iron façade buildings house some of St. Louis' best restaurants, exciting music clubs, the country's longest running dinner theatre, the unique Dental Health Theatre and the Laclede's Landing Wax Museum. At the foot of the landing is the President Casino, St. Louis' only downtown casino.
As dusk overtook us, the city lit up and we concluded our evening with a walk down the riverside.
Long day at work. Came home to more work. My wife and her father had picked up the pantry for the kitchen, and he was waiting for me to get home to help him move everything in and start installing it. Then my daughter locked her bedroom door. It was the master bedroom and had a key lock. I had to punch out the doorknob just to get in her room. I'll have to replace that with a non-locking doorknow tomorrow. So during the electrical part of the kitchen, my father-in-law killed the power to all the computers during the move of the kitchen outlet, which corrrupted my recently moved iTunes database. No problem, I update the shortcuts and...nothing. Busted assed. I estimate I've only lost 10GB of songs. Oh, I still have them on spinning disk, just not in the database. I'm not too happy. I am considering (because I now have the drive space) re-importing EVERYTHING. This could take hours and I'm sure I'll lose my hard-earned and tediously perfect album art. Add to that when the computer rebooted, it brought up my old sc-trans executable which is pointing to the now non-existant iTunes path creating a 40GB log file which filled my primary drive. *sigh* Again, I'm not very happy about all of this, and dreading any course of action I need to take. Even though I have every piece of album art online, it's in quark's gallery - which is offline until I get my firewall in place, which is even more time. I'm exhausted.
Tried a variety of things; moving errant folders into the iTunes folders, 'resetting' my path (which appeared to re-read the database) and 'consolidating' my music, but I think the entire time it was simply working off the corrupted database which does me no good. Furthermore, my new 160GB drive is formatted with FAT-32. How gay is that?
Grrrrr.
One last thing. I've noticed in the past with iTunes, if I select an entire folder to 'Add to Library' as opposed to shift-select'ing them...I sometimes get multiples of the songs. I'll get 26-tracks of a 13-track album. I'm really scared to 'Add to Library' my entire 42GB worth of music because of this. I could be creating more a headache once this operation is complete. And I'm unsure if it will complete the 8-hours I am asleep...
Fsck!
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Ok - it's kicked off. 9637 songs x 1 second per song / 60 = ~3 hours. Not too bad I guess. Lost my 'last played' and 'Play Count' too. *sigh* That's how I keep track of what I've listened to and when. I also lose my 'Date Added' which is how I like to keep my playlist arranged. I bet I'm too angry to sleep tonight.
This sucks so bad.
An entire dynasty - lost!
I am so sick and tired of computers. I think I'll...do something else for a living. Digging ditches sounds like fun.
...time passes...
Ok, let's be reasonable. Perhaps, just perhaps - I can recreate the lost 10GB (mostly that Final Fantasy collection) with this new database...extract what was lost from it; reinstate the old database and add to it what I lost. I'm sure that's the next course of action. Now if I just had the time to accomplish all that.
So tired...
To do: Research a good distro of OpenSolaris...
Tried a variety of things; moving errant folders into the iTunes folders, 'resetting' my path (which appeared to re-read the database) and 'consolidating' my music, but I think the entire time it was simply working off the corrupted database which does me no good. Furthermore, my new 160GB drive is formatted with FAT-32. How gay is that?
Grrrrr.
One last thing. I've noticed in the past with iTunes, if I select an entire folder to 'Add to Library' as opposed to shift-select'ing them...I sometimes get multiples of the songs. I'll get 26-tracks of a 13-track album. I'm really scared to 'Add to Library' my entire 42GB worth of music because of this. I could be creating more a headache once this operation is complete. And I'm unsure if it will complete the 8-hours I am asleep...
Fsck!
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Ok - it's kicked off. 9637 songs x 1 second per song / 60 = ~3 hours. Not too bad I guess. Lost my 'last played' and 'Play Count' too. *sigh* That's how I keep track of what I've listened to and when. I also lose my 'Date Added' which is how I like to keep my playlist arranged. I bet I'm too angry to sleep tonight.
This sucks so bad.
An entire dynasty - lost!
I am so sick and tired of computers. I think I'll...do something else for a living. Digging ditches sounds like fun.
...time passes...
Ok, let's be reasonable. Perhaps, just perhaps - I can recreate the lost 10GB (mostly that Final Fantasy collection) with this new database...extract what was lost from it; reinstate the old database and add to it what I lost. I'm sure that's the next course of action. Now if I just had the time to accomplish all that.
So tired...
To do: Research a good distro of OpenSolaris...
My alarm went off. As my head was on the pillow, I saw my alarm clock sideways, and as my glasses were sitting on the end table, I squinted. I couldn't make out the time. Something was blocking the display. I reach my hand out to move the obstruction. There wasn't one. I've only had five hours of sleep. Trying...to...think. I sit up, put on my glasses and stare at the clock. Sure enough, "J:20" Crap alarm clock. Cost me $50 and took me half an hour to pick out a year ago. Poor Tony, suffering next to me while I sweated over the features. Once, we went to Fry's to pick out cases for our computers. He chose his in 14-seconds. I took nearly a full hour.
What do you mean, Doc? All the best stuff is made in Japan.
Stayed up late working on my new avatar last night. It's some of my best work to date, if for no other reason than the lack of good source material, and what I was actually able to accomplish with what I had. The subject was similar in color to the background making for a near impossible extraction, so I had to roll with it. First off I had to rotate the image 45-degrees just to get it visible enough at the size limitations. Then, using the color scheme, rendered some clouds, clone-stamped the other areas by hand, brought out the foreground with a spotlight effect and added a lens flare. Fantastic!
Unbelievable.
Reprising my role as Grill Master this evening, my first act will be to grill salmon for dinner! I can't wait to light that cigar, stroll out on my deck, and fire up that grill. Of course they're now linking grilling to cancer. Carcinogens from dripping fat hitting the flash plates and the char produced from ultra-seared meat. Nice. That's one tip I didn't need to hear about SomeBritInMass!
Marty, you're not thinking fourth dimensionally!
So yesterday, even though the IS department is not responsible for meeting setup, I get a call from one our Directors. It was her meeting, and in it she had her boss. So I go up there. The projector was setup in the middle of a box of tables strung with interconnected hubs and power strips. "What can I help you with?" I ask the Director. "BIGGER!" yells her boss, throwing his hands into the air. "Can we increase the screen size?" she asks me. "BIGGER!" he yells again. I try to NOT give him my tone it down, asshole I am so done with your mouth looks. "BIGGER!" he yells again as I carefully roll the cart containing the projector on it. I reach the limit of the cabling. "BIGGER!" he yells yet again. "I WANT THE PICTURE ACROSS THE ENTIRE SCREEN." He grabs the cart, and pulls it back further, dragging half the powerstrips and hubs to the floor. I know I visibly sighed. There was nothing more I could do but leave. I shit you not, I heard one last time, "BIGGER!"
Yeah, I know, I got a real problem with that.
Later, on http://ehowton.livejournal.com:
(4:25:12 PM) drax0r: I'm writing a post about morning jazz
(4:30:53 PM) EricHowton: I'm going to write about the proposed legislation curbing bandwidth access and speeds from the telecommunications lobbyists because they feel they bear the brunt of the burden providing access which allows entrepreneurial companies to get rich off their lines without them getting a slice of the pie.
AND:
(4:45:03 PM) EricHowton: I don't know which is worse.
(4:45:12 PM) drax0r: ?
(4:45:13 PM) EricHowton: Living with my wife who, every single day reminds me I haven't submitted an expense report for six months, or...
(4:46:18 PM) drax0r: That. That's worse. There's nothing you could say now that would make me think there's something worse than that.
(4:46:54 PM) EricHowton: Submitting a 6-month old expense report to my boss.
(4:47:30 PM) drax0r: Wow.
(4:47:45 PM) drax0r: That's a tough one.
What do you mean, Doc? All the best stuff is made in Japan.
Stayed up late working on my new avatar last night. It's some of my best work to date, if for no other reason than the lack of good source material, and what I was actually able to accomplish with what I had. The subject was similar in color to the background making for a near impossible extraction, so I had to roll with it. First off I had to rotate the image 45-degrees just to get it visible enough at the size limitations. Then, using the color scheme, rendered some clouds, clone-stamped the other areas by hand, brought out the foreground with a spotlight effect and added a lens flare. Fantastic!
Unbelievable.
Reprising my role as Grill Master this evening, my first act will be to grill salmon for dinner! I can't wait to light that cigar, stroll out on my deck, and fire up that grill. Of course they're now linking grilling to cancer. Carcinogens from dripping fat hitting the flash plates and the char produced from ultra-seared meat. Nice. That's one tip I didn't need to hear about SomeBritInMass!
Marty, you're not thinking fourth dimensionally!
So yesterday, even though the IS department is not responsible for meeting setup, I get a call from one our Directors. It was her meeting, and in it she had her boss. So I go up there. The projector was setup in the middle of a box of tables strung with interconnected hubs and power strips. "What can I help you with?" I ask the Director. "BIGGER!" yells her boss, throwing his hands into the air. "Can we increase the screen size?" she asks me. "BIGGER!" he yells again. I try to NOT give him my tone it down, asshole I am so done with your mouth looks. "BIGGER!" he yells again as I carefully roll the cart containing the projector on it. I reach the limit of the cabling. "BIGGER!" he yells yet again. "I WANT THE PICTURE ACROSS THE ENTIRE SCREEN." He grabs the cart, and pulls it back further, dragging half the powerstrips and hubs to the floor. I know I visibly sighed. There was nothing more I could do but leave. I shit you not, I heard one last time, "BIGGER!"
Yeah, I know, I got a real problem with that.
Later, on http://ehowton.livejournal.com:
(4:25:12 PM) drax0r: I'm writing a post about morning jazz
(4:30:53 PM) EricHowton: I'm going to write about the proposed legislation curbing bandwidth access and speeds from the telecommunications lobbyists because they feel they bear the brunt of the burden providing access which allows entrepreneurial companies to get rich off their lines without them getting a slice of the pie.
AND:
(4:45:03 PM) EricHowton: I don't know which is worse.
(4:45:12 PM) drax0r: ?
(4:45:13 PM) EricHowton: Living with my wife who, every single day reminds me I haven't submitted an expense report for six months, or...
(4:46:18 PM) drax0r: That. That's worse. There's nothing you could say now that would make me think there's something worse than that.
(4:46:54 PM) EricHowton: Submitting a 6-month old expense report to my boss.
(4:47:30 PM) drax0r: Wow.
(4:47:45 PM) drax0r: That's a tough one.
Planned on posting pics of the new Bengal kitties this morning. That is, until I discovered it is impossible to actually capture the little creatures on digital media. At this point, you'll have to just believe me that they are not a myth. They jumped out of their carrier and made themselves right at home with no issues whatsoever. After astro pointed out their personalities, I chose one playful one (the three-legged Trinity) and a quiet, introspective one (the darker Niobe). Everyone except Daisy is enjoying them. Daisy hides from them.
Found my Ernest Haiku hidden away in Notes. This one was inspired by the Coen Brothers film, The Big Lebowski:
Went to bed with a headache, awoke with a headache, and every single Missouri driver I encountered today frustrated me on my drive in this morning. Perhaps I shouldn't listen to Billy Idol on my drive in? Just took two ofgalinda822's Excedrin.
time passes...
Headache still here. Fighting management and users left and right via email, had one meeting over in the other building, and one of my guys ended up being the 'slide advancer' for a powerpoint presentation! Grrrrrr. Trying to work lj's fux0rd css by hand to modify my journal further. Basically, I want either the S2 'Variable Flow' with an info bar and links area on the left much like 'A Sturdy Gesture' (my old style page) or using 'A Sturdy Gesture' with the background images visible just like my current. It's ass to mess with though.
I want to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels the musical when it comes to town Mar 2007!
Long day.
Found my Ernest Haiku hidden away in Notes. This one was inspired by the Coen Brothers film, The Big Lebowski:
A line in the sand
One Hubert Ernest Cody
A man for his time
Went to bed with a headache, awoke with a headache, and every single Missouri driver I encountered today frustrated me on my drive in this morning. Perhaps I shouldn't listen to Billy Idol on my drive in? Just took two of
galinda822's Excedrin.time passes...
Headache still here. Fighting management and users left and right via email, had one meeting over in the other building, and one of my guys ended up being the 'slide advancer' for a powerpoint presentation! Grrrrrr. Trying to work lj's fux0rd css by hand to modify my journal further. Basically, I want either the S2 'Variable Flow' with an info bar and links area on the left much like 'A Sturdy Gesture' (my old style page) or using 'A Sturdy Gesture' with the background images visible just like my current. It's ass to mess with though.
I want to see Dirty Rotten Scoundrels the musical when it comes to town Mar 2007!
Long day.
