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When I'd told her I was sorry I had taken so long to understand her email to me, she said it wasn't what she'd meant, but the words were very clear - there really wasn't any other way for me to take them. It wasn't that I had misinterpreted them, rather didn't want to. Further conversation revealed she meant them exactly as she had stated, so I really don't know where the confusion lay. Either way, we seemingly both did a horrible job communicating our intent to one another. There's no room for blame here because people miscommunicate all the time and further dialogue usually clears things right up. The issue surrounding this topic was that despite that initial miscommunication, clearing things right up reiterated the original intent.
I wasn't calling out anything as "red flags" simply stating I'd taken off the rose-colored glasses which caused me to misinterpret the communication. I could, simply put, see all the colors now. We all already know the answer to what speaks way more volume than words, and that's actions, attitude, and behavior. Taking the glasses off was nothing more than finally aligning those actions and behavior I experienced with the words I had read.
Tess loved the "rose-colored glasses" metaphor and asked where I got it. I pointed her to my Empirical Epistemology FB page where I'd done a quote from Bojack Horeseman which read, "You know, it's funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." This is what helped inspire Hoist the Colors.
Rose-colored glasses
Turn warning lights to gold.
Every red flag
Just looked like something I could hold
I called it understanding.
I called it giving grace.
Until I learned being transparent
Doesn’t guarantee a place
Everything I ever wanted
All wrapped up in one
But it takes two to tango
Why’d you have to run?
No more rose-colored glasses.
I finally see the light.
Love isn't losing pieces
Just to keep them in your life.
I see all the colors now
No more chasing what I lost
Emotional mismanagement
Too high a cost
You said I gave you too much.
I now know what that means
You weren't asking me for less—
Just couldn’t return what you’d seen
Despite knowing better
I took you at your word
Was demonstrative
Still went unheard
Words become decisions.
Actions become truth.
I believe what people build—
Not what they say they'll do.
No more rose-colored glasses.
I finally see the light.
How’d it go so wrong
When we were oh so right
I see all the colors now
No more waiting in the rain.
If someone wants forever—
They'll help build the frame.
When you said, “I don’t want to build anything with you," I finally understood you had no intentions of being with me. I’m sorry for not realizing that sooner. It would've saved us both a lot of confusion. The fact neither of us could apparently communicate our intent to one another is an epic fuck up resting on both our shoulders.
Your stated desire was to heal by yourself, alone, without me.
Done.
No more rose-colored glasses.
Everything is crystal clear
You don’t want me
So now I’ll disappear
I see all the colors now
No longer going to lurk
Saving adoration
For those who do the work
Oh-oh-oh... No more rose-colored glasses.
Oh-oh-oh... The future starts tonight.
[OUTRO]
It could've been us.
Thank you for everything.
I’ll miss you something fierce...
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