The Empirical Manifesto

Early on I pointed out - and much to her surprise - that the things Jennifer expressed about herself aligned lockstep with those who embraced the poly lifestyle; a smattering of men surrounding her, each who filled a specific need within her kaleidoscope as well as a penchant for transparency, vulnerability, reciprocity, all built upon heaps of communication. I've always thought the word, "harem" had a feminine sound to it but when I looked up the word for a reverse harem (a woman who maintained a glut of men) I discovered the term for that was, "reverse harem" lol. Irregardless of nomenclature, in attempting to illustrate the concept without wading into the baggage the word, "poly" holds for far too many people, I used a wagon wheel. With her as the hub, and each of the men in her life as one of the many spokes required for smooth operation.

Concerning her new guy friend, I started with the premise, "Do you feel that any one person can fill all the spokes all of the time?" The answer was (thankfully), "Of course not!" Excellent. I followed this with three questions, all built upon the first: "Which spoke do you see yourself filling?"

"All of them!"
Hrm.

"How do you see yourself fitting into her life with the current illustration?"

"Dual-hubs!"
...

Let's start over. "What do you want to bring to her life?" His eventual answer seemed clear enough. So time for the second question: "How? How do you see that manifesting in such a way that it becomes apparent?" He wasn't sure, but he was fairly certain those things didn't just appear out of nowhere (and I agreed). Last question, "Why? Why do you want to fill those spokes?" I know he answered the question, but neither of us remember what it was.

Poly as a lifestyle has nothing at all to do with sex, or even love. It has to do with communication, and boundaries, and consent. My last polyamorous relationship I was monogamous for a decade. Why? Because it has nothing at all to do with sex, and everything to do with respect. And trust. My next partner - whomever she may be - is going to be filled in such a way from the benefit of my experience there's no telling what she'll be able to accomplish. And I find that exciting beyond words. I can't wait to find her.