The Empirical Manifesto

I never expected you to be a mother to my children. Never expected them to use such terms of endearment nor consider you as such. And though at times it wasn't easy, and at times it wasn't fun, you somehow endeared yourself to them, and it shows upon their faces, and in their words. Some would be satisfied with simply being respected, others perhaps liked, as so often in situations such as these may occur. But not you. You've managed to give them both, and I think that's a wonderful thing; it says so much about who you are and speaks to your generous nature.

So this Mother's Day I'd like to just say...

Thank you for being you.

For better or worse, I'm a veritable font of dadisms. If I had to guess, I'd say it comes with the territory as it is not something former me consciously notated as a future accomplishment for myself. That said, pretty sure I pre-date the term, though the idea behind it is notoriously ageless.

And I've had a few, most of which were created from that mother of invention, necessity. Like when the kids would rush to the driver's side of the car every single school morning for the entirety of their educational years, rather than go around to the passenger side. I'd dead-pan ask, "Have you ever seen this car before?" Yes, every single school morning for the entirety of their educational years. I guess I thought (hoped?) at some point they'd get tired of me asking. Of course they did, but that never initiated any meaningful change to their actions, so I'm at loss there.

Or the sing-song mantra oft-repeated in my household, 🎶 If its on leave it on, if its off leave it off, if its open leave it open if its closed leave it closed. 🎶 This lead to me to discover, much to my chagrin, kids freaking hate mantras, as it too, never initiated any meaningful change to their actions, other than an ability to eventually sing it along with me all the while rolling their eyes. That's something I suppose.

Surely the most annoying (to me at any rate) was, keep moving forward. I don't know what it is exactly about always stopping in any and every threshold, each and every time that threshold has been approached - but not yet crossed - perhaps an ingrained, prehistoric memory-response to invisible threats long eradicated back when early humans were mating with neanderthals in dark cave dwellings, or perhaps everyone - myself included - also stopped at the precipice of each and every threshold in my youth? A memory I've either long forgotten, or more likely suppressed, no doubt to my own father's reaction to such an abrupt and disruptive maneuver, passed down from generation to generation. Either way, they'd stop - both of them - every single time we'd enter or leave any edifice which had any semblance of an ingress/egress point, up to and including the front and back doors to our own house - the very house in which they themselves resided, so it wasn't like it only ever happened at a brand new toy store they'd never before laid eyes upon.

And as a large, ambulatory male, my stopping distance was more like that of a warship than a Porsche, for example, which is why I so often reminded them, in the absolutely nicest way possible, to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. More often than not, in busier, populated areas, there were other large, ambulatory males tracking similar headings and at approximately the same pace as myself. Stopping at thresholds was something which simply couldn't be accommodated, hence the gentle reminder. Again, what surprised me was how often that reminder had to be recited. Ergo, another opportunistic dadism: Keep moving forward.

My children have since grown to adulthood, and I watch with fatherly pride as they carve their own path in this world; beaming brightly at their accomplishments and always at-the-ready with an encouraging word or nod of affirmation. But it struck me early this morning that no matter what - whether I'm there to remind them or not - despite what future struggles they may face, that if they remember anything I've ever said to them, I hope they take my words out-of-context and always, always, always, keep moving forward.

Two nights ago I dreamed I had foreknowledge of two acts of terrorism, one of which was going to end my son's life. Agonizingly, I was unable to foil the plan without bringing down much more death and destruction - the only way to minimize casualties was to allow my son to be killed along with the hundred or so other people. You see, terrorists were going to blow up two airplanes after take-off. I can't even describe the emotions I was going through trying to justify allowing this to happen, but preventing this one comparatively minor act of terrorism seemed the kindest, safest way to save lives.

Two groups of people departed opposite directions to board their respective aircraft. I was dismayed when I watched a group of armed men mow down the passengers with automatic weapons prior to them reaching the aircraft, and though the group seemed to die suddenly, I was jubilant my son was in the other group, where they were just going to detonate the plane once it was airborne. I preferred a quick, painless death for him. I stood there, watching him board with his entire Kansas Air National Guard squadron, wistfully, painfully.

And was subsequently mortified when they launched the aircraft with the large cargo door still open, sucking out these young men and women one-at-a-time from altitude until the entire squadron was decimated. I didn't know why they chose that method, but it was horrific to watch, and know I was party to such a violent act.

That unpleasantness behind me, the very next night I dreamed I was in an airport, waiting for the series of incompetent ticket and gate people to figure out their shit. Apparently, I knew they were going to fuck absolutely everything up the moment I walked in, so had allowed plenty of time to compensate. In short, I was early, and unhurried, and not even frustrated as I knew ahead of time they were going to somehow fuck everything up. It started with misprinting my name on my ticket, which unsurprisingly now did not match my identification, so I was in queue to get that sorted.

At one of the airlines waiting area an entire cadre of sharp-dressed flight attendants wearing WWII-style dark gray airline uniforms and perfect hair turned around in their seats which they had arranged to look like aircraft seating, began a bit of a stage play themed safety briefing, jumping and twisting in their seats musical-style all the while talking about exits, flotation devices, and emergency procedures in their sing-song voices and perfect makeup. Soon they had added lighting modifiers and waves of black felt to simulate a lighting storm right there in the waiting area. It was quite an impressive display!

Then, using a bit of black and orange streamer surrounding a hoop, they simulated an explosion in the hull in the midst of the thunder and lightning - the captain was running from the cockpit and exploded in a loud concussion of red and silver confetti - it was now chaos - screaming, running; flight attendants being sucked through the hole in the fuselage. We were no longer in the waiting area of the airport, but experiencing a terrifying air emergency we probably wouldn't survive.

Then the screaming stopped, and the sing-song voices ceased and all the perfect flight attendants were sitting in their waiting room chairs smiling alongside the captain flashing his perfect teeth. It was a safety briefing after all, and though everything was back to normal, I was most decidedly not, still huffing and puffing with the adrenaline of horror coursing through me. I found the entire thing so very unsettling, I wanted to know why the hell they would do that in a goddamn waiting room.

During yesterday's photoshoot with my daughter, I attached the Helios 44m-4 and turned her around with the Sun behind her to try and capture it filtering through the trees for that swirly effect I so enjoy. But it was still too high in the sky, and even with the ND8 covering the lens and the speedlights set to not trigger, the frame came out far too overexposed. Worse still, I noticed a lot of lens flare from the uncoated lens being unceremoniously pointed directly at the Sun and so took only the one picture and went back to our previous position.

The last time I had this much light scatter was an early morning out in Pawnee Rock where the morning Sun flared across the Industar-50 creating what became my daughter's favorite picture of herself; as if she were able to manifest rainbows with her mere presence. So it was that I created again, albeit completely by accident, her newest favorite pictures of herself (Starlord notwithstanding).

I was shocked and pleased to see so much deep color emerge from the overexposed frame when I adjusted it in post. What a wonderful example of the beauty we can find in imperfection.

My daughter wants to take Algebra I during Summer school so she can take Geometry I the first semester of her sophomore year. Her counselor suggested I contact the local outsourcing company to enroll her. They ignored my first two contact emails, and when I finally called, they told me they don't offer Summer school. The same person also admitted to not knowing what they offered or didn't offer, and sent me to the voice mail of someone who did, which also went un-returned. I finally got ahold of someone today who told me I wasn't allowed to enroll my daughter, only the school counselor was, and only if my daughter required the course to complete the previous grade. I explained she wanted to take the class voluntarily, which was initially not understood (I must be using all the wrong words here). Finally, when asking about why they don't have this information on their webpage, I was told they only release the information to the school counselors, and then, only in May. And while it was self-paced and the students were allowed to finish early, they were not allowed to start the class, take any scheduled time off, then return to class. Good grief! Somehow, we'll make this work.

I lost my 2nd Xeon processor. I pulled it out of my server a couple of years back for reasons unknown, and now can't find it. Trying to update our DL360 Minecraft server and Biomes O'Plenty for our holiday games.

My alarm woke me at 0855, and five minutes later I was dialed into two conference calls, and logged into work with a piping hot mug of black coffee. Emails, more meetings, unix, change requests, and I was done. I opened the garage door, powered on the subwoofer and turned on my Engima mix while removing two of the four door panels of TURDUCKEN and pulling out the speakers. Then I completed my research on car stereos (settled on the Sony MEXXB100BT with a built-in amp), edited some portraits from this past weekend's shoot, and ordered the Mother's day gifts for the kids (they wanted to present her with their portraits which I had mounted - his and hers). I revamped my pending Harry Potter mix and listened once again to my yet-to-be-released Terminator mix. At some point I managed a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner, played Minecraft with my daughter, and Wizard101 with my girlfriend.

Bet I sleep good tonight.

Playing the choose-your-own-adventure MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic gives one the opportunity to amass "light side" or "dark side" points which affects one's alignment, and ultimately, gameplay. When partied up, my son and I often review the possible responses together, and discuss reasons for our potential choice - as they are often not as black and white as one might expect. Sometimes the alignment is affected by choosing a path which goes against what an authority figure expects us to do, while other times it comes down to our own moral code on what we believe the correct action should be. In some cases, doing what we're told goes against what we feel is right. Much like in the real world, we have to live with the consequences of our actions. Unlike the real world however, an unknown mediator levies real-time judgement upon us at every interaction. Who indeed has the ultimate authority to point our moral compass, and why?

In discussions with my son - especially when we disagree upon a course of action - we seek to understand each other's point of view for making disparate choices. What constitutes a "right" or "wrong" choice? Sometimes its as simple as not wanting to be rude - marginalizing someone different than ourselves or endeavoring to make ourselves appear better than someone else at their expense, or a desire to help someone less fortunate than ourselves. Other times however, its not that simplistic - We may be motivated by our own interests; elevating ourselves. But making short-term morally suspect decisions in order to fulfill a larger "end to a means" morally sound outcome is an age-old argument which limits creativity, so when, if ever, is it acceptable?

Moral absolutists may consider moral relativists nothing more than undisciplined (or liberal) absolutists perhaps because they have a singular starting point of origin and no usable process in which to decouple that belief. Similarly, relativists may eschew absolutism as archaic without perhaps a solid understanding of the universal concepts encompassing both - not that I would dare attempt to simplistically air both sides of an ages-old argument. Some believe applying absolutes more broadly will lead to peace on earth^[1] while others believe that can only be achieved through less dichotomous thinking.^[2] One might in fact take time to ponder the inherent complexity of the two sides as to why disagreement exists rather than just assuming their upbringing instilled a special understanding in themselves and everyone else is wrong or evil (or that evil is the only true path to moral absolution). Confirmation bias is a powerfully magical ingredient in personal empirical studies when one is trying to prove themselves correct.

So my son and I end up doing what every one does, we weigh the variables in a sort of equation. Address our own needs, compare our altruistic goals against our selfish desires - look at the costs and rewards of our actions - ask ourselves if we are acting out of doing no harm or avoiding harm, and deciding how far out of societal norms or our own comfort zone we wish to extend ourselves, look back to see if there is a pattern of outcomes from previous choices we've made before acting.

Because it is a game, we can give in to, or dismiss empathy. We can allow ourselves to respond to emotion over reason depending upon our mood with far less consequence than in the real world. The important thing, I think, is that we do acknowledge it is a choice, and strive to make the best one with the tools we've been given, just like in real life.

On the suggestion of a couple of new friends, I purchased Akira and watched it with my children. While "groundbreaking" in 1988, going back to experience something which has already been established doesn't seem to be met with the same awe.

Initially, they found the stylization very un-anime (more like a regular cartoon they said) but during the movie, discussed elements they were aware of in other anime they've seen in a sort of real-time comparative analysis. As they have watched far more than I have, I listened intently to which ideas presented in this movie had been applied to later series they were familiar with.

That said, while both kids disliked the 95-minute movie, they've been talking about it for two days. Which can be, I suppose, a point of controversial films.

Each of the children have a desktop, two laptops, and an iPhone. I have two desktops, two laptops, an iPhone, and a Droid. I also have four running servers here at the house, two PlayStation 3's a Sony connected multimedia Blu-Ray player, Chromecast, the garage Powermac, and any number of virtual machines, all connected through the same router.

We are running collectively, in no particular order:

iOS
OSX
Android
Windows 7
Windows 8.1
openSUSE 12.3
openSUSE 13.2
HP/UX
CellOS

Yet my daughter's 8.1 laptop can ping external domain names (both internet and DNS is working) and Windows Update works, but applications cannot reach their update servers and none of the browsers can reach anything even if given an internal IP address! Can you imagine the expression on my face when the Windows Network Troubleshooter told me it couldn't identify the problem in connecting to a private IP? And I do use that term loosely. Windows Network Troubleshooter, since its inception, has been unable to solve any of my networking dilemmas, ever. I have no idea why they continue to roll it out with every version of windows. Possibly to alert some furrowed-brow Facebook-poster that the reason they are disallowed from accessing the internet is because their laptop is powered off or something to that effect. Her laptop can ping google.com, but can't connect to the gateway IP address in a browser (or a private webserver running on an alternate port).

What hasn't helped is any combination of netsh, Set-NetIPInterface, using built-in wi-fi, wired ethernet and even a USB wireless interface (though I assume the only people suggesting that have no knowledge of networking), turning off the firewall, disabling anti-virus (really?), running anti-malware and trojan killers (which I really was hoping was the culprit), deleting and recreating the devices, updating the drivers, rebooting the router (I know, I know), and sfc /scannow (although I credit sfc /scannow with the ability to finally install malwwarebytes which previously failed with Could not call proc) or even hardcoding the interfaces with static values.

Despite this rampant asininity, I learned how to create an Administrator account on Windows 8.1 (not that it afforded the authority to take ownership of system files - or let me delete files already owned by administrator) and how to boot into safe mode (shift-restart) <- because F8 would have been too simple. Although Win8.1 disallows IE from being launched as Administrator - which is fantastically hysterical. And by fantastically hysterical of course I mean astonishingly frightening. I can think of a handful of reasons for this, none of which are complementary.


This command will place an Administrator account on your Win8.1 box

---

Afterwhich you should be able to force ownership and deletion (although I ran this in recovery mode cli):

takeown /F C:\{troublesome_folder}\* /R /A

rmdir /S /Q C:\{troublesome_folder}\

But I was surprised to discover that launching regedit in a recovery console doesn't give you the system's registry, rather what looks like the recovery console's registry? Which wouldn't be a big deal except the registry editor disallows certain keys to be deleted by the Administrator when logged in as Administrator. But of course it does. So I decided to see if I could telnet to the web port on my internal server, and that's when I discovered telnet was no longer installed on Windows. No idea when that happened, but a quick double-click of putty and a new error helped me troubleshoot - Unable to initialise WinSock <-- Yes, with the British spelling.

Deleting the following keys from the registry, then rebooting...

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\System\CurrentControl­Set\Services\Winsock
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\System\CurrentControl­Set\Services\Winsock2

...got me to a new error to troubleshoot, Socket type not supported (once again using putty), but also disabled DNS. To re-enable, I had to find, then download winsock.inf (because I couldn't find it anywhere on the computer). This is here for my future enjoyment of Win8:


winsock.inf

Another reboot (for the winsock) but still no browser access - and windows network troubleshooter can now tell me my ethernet connection has no configuration, but it can't tell me WHY - even when the IP, netmask, gw, and DNS are all hardcoded...and now I have a "limited" connection on both wi-fi and cabled ethernet because with the reset, her laptop thought she was on a public network. The "why" of this is my fault, coupled with the nonsensical judgments of Microsoft. The reason her network connection is considered "public" is because I opted to not share folders and printers, and the ONLY REASON anyone would EVER CHOOSE to NOT SHARE is if they were on a public network, right? Which is why I found it so difficult to revert back to private - it makes no goddamn sense. But figuring this one out was as easy as Google, whereas applying the change was far less transparent. The obtuse calisthenics one needs to go through in order to change from "Public" to "Private" is a veritable cathedral of dumb, requiring modifying the Local Security Policy, which is apparently unavailable on certain "editions" of Windows 8.1 in what I assume is a hidden nomenclature of appended Home/Premium/Ultimate/Professional/Enterprise, and obviously not one which comes preloaded on a $300 Asus notebook for a 10-year old girl. Because she would never need to modify her Local Security Policy, right? It just works? So, back to the registry! Only...the registry already had the correct value (1) for a Private connection in the DWORD - oh noes - endless rabbithole is endless!



In conclusion, I'm considering a "refresh" which is less horrific than a "reinstall" but utterly mired in layers upon layers of asininity, most of which I already assume will introduce far more problems than are corrected.

I will understand if my daughter hates me. I hate me right now too.

My son had finished installing the operating system on his new computer the next morning and I told him I would finish up the anti-virus installation, copy over his game files, and run a defrag while he went into Wichita to a friend's birthday party.

At one point I was getting ready to change the Windows Login screen background and had just set a userpic for him, and downloaded my own avatar for my Administrator account when I quite impulsively hit CTRL-L. This was his amusing reply which cracked up his sister and I:

I didn't want yet another credit card (and at 14% it rivals my Dillard's card for highest APR), but after they offered me $50 off the rather substantial total, I jumped at the chance. So with only $38 in tax and free shipping - and with the understanding he's going to utilize the mid-level video card I bought him this time last year, his savings paid for exactly one half of the following:

1TB WD 7200rpm drive "Black"
4.0GHz AMD FX-8320 FX-Series 8-Core "Black Edition"
Corsair Vengeance Pro 8GB (2x4GB) DDR3 2133 MHz (PC3 17000)
MSI ATX DDR3 2133 Motherboard 970 GAMING
Antec Earthwatts 650-watt power supply
Sentey® Gs-6006 Z-tron Gaming Computer Case
DVD-ROM optical drive
Thermal paste

I matched him dollar-for-dollar so he could decide exactly where he wanted to put his money (after giving him various bottleneck scenarios) and I'll have him turn every screw and hit every keystroke so he will have built it entirely by his own hands. I still need to find my old static strap...

As I was driving my daughter to school, it dawned on me that after next year, she'll be in high school. I said, "Your brother plans to move back to Texas after high school." Her reply surprised me,

"Me too."

Sometime Sunday I walked into the garage and found my son and his friend throwing darts and listening to...Sarah Brightman??? Curiosity got the better of me so I surreptitiously made my way to the computer and discovered they had searched for (and presumably listened to) Pink Floyd's, "Wish You Were Here" which had segued into Phantom of the Opera's, "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" which can also be found in my library under an additional three albums, Harem World Tour: Live from Las Vegas, Sarah Brightman - the Andrew Lloyd Webber Collection, and Surrender. It would appear they had listened to them all.

Which really shouldn't surprise me since my boy grew up listening to Dive! Back in 2008 I wrote:

Seeing a sticker on a CD by Lesiëm (More specifically, the album Auracle) which read, "Sarah Brightman meets Enigma." Yes, that happened in 1993 and was called, Dive! What a riot! I wanted to slap someone.

When the boys left for the park, I pulled up her discography and started listening in earnest when I came across a low-bitrate rip of Eden I'd made from a copy I checked out from the Dallas Public Library in 1997. As that would obviously not do, I bought the album on iTunes. It wasn't until much later I discovered I'd already bought the physical CD to replace it some years back. No idea why I didn't import it at a higher bitrate back then.

My daughter and I share an iTunes account as she's still too young to have her own, which is a double-edged sword as my work iPhone automatically downloads every goofy app she installs on hers - but she does have instant access to every song I've purchased. So when she started listening to this new album, she asked if I had anything else by her. WHY YES I DO! Aside from the half dozen albums (when I found the double) and European EPs, I have another twenty or so digitally, one I downloaded that very night as I discovered she'd released a new one, Dreamchaser. I played her some of my favorite tracks and explained classical crossover to her.

I sure enjoy these types of evenings with my children, and now want to spend some more time with Sarah.