Beware of destination addition:
The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner.
Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else,
it will never be where you are.
It has been my experience that people who live their life blaming external influences, events, and circumstances for their unhappiness find that even getting exactly what they want don't "suddenly" become happy people. Why? Because these things don't equate to happiness - never have, never will. Being enough, having enough, is generally understood to be intrinsically acquired. Those who demand changes and get them are unhappy when those acquiesced demands don't result in the expected happiness, thus the cycle begins again; looking for the next thing to make them happy. It's a vicious cycle which repeats itself endlessly, because happiness will ALWAYS be out of reach. Couple this with the idea many believe their own happiness is the responsibility of everyone else (never themselves), and one can easily be dragged down with them, soon believing the lie that everything could be great, if only [some random change].
That's not to say we can't meet them there along the way, as long as what we do aligns with our own motivations. When it does, both parties can enjoy the outcome. When it does not, nothing you do will matter - the person making the demands will continue behaving badly whether or not you do exactly as they wish, or the exact opposite of their wish - which is why doing what makes YOU happy the most important thing to keep in mind. This is where many people bring up compromise (especially where relationships are concerned). The idea being each party giving up something for a common good. And while that's nice and all, it is certainly an uninspired way to live, unlike collaboration. When you apply Game Theory to relationships it can blossom exponentially.
The challenge in collaboration is that it relies heavily upon trust, which is is built upon intimacy, and intimacy is built upon dialog, reciprocation, transparency, and vulnerability. You can have any three of those last four (not at all how it works but for the sake of argument) but without all four, it will eventually fail. People may say they are being transparent, or vulnerable, but unless they are actively engaging in reciprocity and dialog while allowing you to be equally as transparent and vulnerable (difficult to do, I know!) you're not experiencing an honest, trustworthy relationship. As a reminder, there is no place ever for fault and blame in these relationships, and if there is, the bond of intimacy needs to be revisited. But that's okay too! Intimacy isn't something you reach then you have it forever - it requires constant reevaluation from both sides to ensure each party is blameless and comfortable. Guess what? This means sometimes things which worked in the past may no longer be valid. But again, that's okay! Because as time passes, we have these marvelous experiences which allow us (and our partners) to grow, and learn, and evolve. We simply offer what we've learned and how we've grown to our partners and allow them the freedom to share their growth with us. This usually means nothing stays the same forever, but really, in what world does it ever? This isn't a bad thing, its a WONDERFUL thing which takes us places we may feel we've never deserved, but instead find ourselves looking over the precipice of true, fulfilling contentedness and happiness.
I used the word, "challenging" earlier but it really is quite fun and easy for those who willingly choose to engage in it. The challenging part honestly is opening oneself up to a new way of thinking and behaving. But like, it's totally worth it.
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