ehowton: (emotion)


Beware of destination addition:
The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even with the next partner.
Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else,
it will never be where you are.





It has been my experience that people who live their life blaming external influences, events, and circumstances for their unhappiness find that even getting exactly what they want don't "suddenly" become happy people. Why? Because these things don't equate to happiness - never have, never will. Being enough, having enough, is generally understood to be intrinsically acquired. Those who demand changes and get them are unhappy when those acquiesced demands don't result in the expected happiness, thus the cycle begins again; looking for the next thing to make them happy. It's a vicious cycle which repeats itself endlessly, because happiness will ALWAYS be out of reach. Couple this with the idea many believe their own happiness is the responsibility of everyone else (never themselves), and one can easily be dragged down with them, soon believing the lie that everything could be great, if only [some random change].

That's not to say we can't meet them there along the way, as long as what we do aligns with our own motivations. When it does, both parties can enjoy the outcome. When it does not, nothing you do will matter - the person making the demands will continue behaving badly whether or not you do exactly as they wish, or the exact opposite of their wish - which is why doing what makes YOU happy the most important thing to keep in mind. This is where many people bring up compromise (especially where relationships are concerned). The idea being each party giving up something for a common good. And while that's nice and all, it is certainly an uninspired way to live, unlike collaboration. When you apply Game Theory to relationships it can blossom exponentially.

The challenge in collaboration is that it relies heavily upon trust, which is is built upon intimacy, and intimacy is built upon dialog, reciprocation, transparency, and vulnerability. You can have any three of those last four (not at all how it works but for the sake of argument) but without all four, it will eventually fail. People may say they are being transparent, or vulnerable, but unless they are actively engaging in reciprocity and dialog while allowing you to be equally as transparent and vulnerable (difficult to do, I know!) you're not experiencing an honest, trustworthy relationship. As a reminder, there is no place ever for fault and blame in these relationships, and if there is, the bond of intimacy needs to be revisited. But that's okay too! Intimacy isn't something you reach then you have it forever - it requires constant reevaluation from both sides to ensure each party is blameless and comfortable. Guess what? This means sometimes things which worked in the past may no longer be valid. But again, that's okay! Because as time passes, we have these marvelous experiences which allow us (and our partners) to grow, and learn, and evolve. We simply offer what we've learned and how we've grown to our partners and allow them the freedom to share their growth with us. This usually means nothing stays the same forever, but really, in what world does it ever? This isn't a bad thing, its a WONDERFUL thing which takes us places we may feel we've never deserved, but instead find ourselves looking over the precipice of true, fulfilling contentedness and happiness.

I used the word, "challenging" earlier but it really is quite fun and easy for those who willingly choose to engage in it. The challenging part honestly is opening oneself up to a new way of thinking and behaving. But like, it's totally worth it.
◾ Tags:
ehowton: (Default)

I saw a blurb on USA Today about a woman who was addicted to painkillers. She was now advocating against taking Vicodin unless it was absolutely necessary, because it is so easy to crave the high and fall into an unsuspecting trap. I don't doubt that's true. For her. But my body chemistry is very different. Vicodin only works on me if I have severe pain. I only feel that "high" when I am managing pain through medication. When the pain is gone, I have no reaction to Vicodin whatsoever. I can take 20mg without feeling anything. That's when I know I don't need it any longer. Her advice is good advice for her, but not for me.

I often feel that way about my own advice to others, and try to temper other's advice to me in the same understanding. I think without that perspective, advice is far less effective. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. As someone who utilizes a strong logical ethic in decision-making, an emotional appeal wouldn't work to persuade me. It would be poor advice to someone who is interacting with me, though I can see where it would be beneficial in working with someone else. I understand that feelings may change over time - mutate, and it seems to me irresponsible to base decisions off them. Ignoring that has bitten me time and time again, even in capitulation ("Why did you let me do that?") Then again, others may enjoy the fluidity of re-visiting past decisions over and over and reevaluating them with that different filter time and again. I see the logic in that as well.

But what if there are no clear-cut answers? How do we, individually and collectively arrive at decisions? For the longest time I was employing my very basic understanding of Nash's Game Theory - doing what was best for myself, and the group. After all, its the only way we all get laid. But even those scenarios require that everyone is playing by the same rules. How do you make decisions in such a diverse group? The old business adage is to create a team with the right talent. While I remain a huge advocate of playing to strengths, teams with individual strengths and no collaborative skills do not net optimum outcomes.

The stakes are highest when a command decision is required between opposite requirements. Yet this is when collaboration is most important. Breaking down seemingly dissimilar directions into their individual components - an analytic/synthetic dialectic and focusing on how the differences can be resolved without having either party "give up" that which is important to them. Yet even this is not an answer, its still only a tool. Wielded by the wrong people - those who perceive individual components differently than others - is still problematic. In this hypothetical zero-sum game, if we encounter someone using rational choice theory - the egoistical extrinsic motivator of pursuing an inexplicable desire without an understanding of causality - the goal may never be reached.

This is because the two sides which make up collaboration, assertiveness and cooperation as defined by Organizational Behavior, is wrought through actual behavior. It takes a very open mind to work through these types of severe issues. A personal introspection which requires an understanding of not only intent, but the acknowledgement that intent and action can appear dissimilar to others, which brings us to communication ability. All of these are imperative in the many benefits of true collaboration, in all parties. There absolutely has to be a no-holds-barred mindset of doing whatever it takes to get our own needs met while also meeting the needs - not the expectations, but needs - of others. A tall order for some.

Here lately I've been bereft from decisions made. Yet looking back, and going through all the steps, it still seems to have been the optimum decisions given the talent and collaborative skills of the assembled team. Which emotionally, can be a bitter pill to swallow. The best possible outcome from a zero-sum team is still a zero-sum finish.
ehowton: (Default)


Money is a by-product of bigger, more meaningful goals such as passion, fun and wisdom.
~ Richard Branson


Bhutan is the only country to measure happiness. They have a Ministry of Happiness to measure the country's GNH (or Gross National Happiness) which "...measures quality of life or social progress in more holistic and psychological terms than only the economic indicator of gross domestic product (GDP)." Wow!

As someone who strives for happiness I have many considerations, for happiness isn't selfish (How many of you know selfish people who are happy?) nor is it solely altruistic (more a measure of meaningfulness, though [livejournal.com profile] dentin did extrapolate on the cultural benefits of being long-term "selfish", which looks a lot like altruism). For me, happiness comes from applying the Nash Equilibrium to lifestyle - ensure (to the best of your ability) those around you are also happy.

I rarely (I won't say never) act rashly. I tend to give everything due consideration. The fact that I process information ceaselessly through scenario-running just means I've already considered most outcomes and am ready to act - just because it seemed quick doesn't mean it was rash. It also doesn't mean it isn't flawed at times, only that it makes sense to me. Many times in the past I relied upon [livejournal.com profile] drax0r to poke holes in my logic as he was much more adept at it than I am. Hey, we all have to start somewhere.

Which brings me to awe, which I freely admit to experiencing often - over a wide variety of experiences. According to a study in Psychological Science, awe "expands people's perception of time, enhances well-being and causes people to behave more altruistically and less materialistically." This explains so much about where my concept of time comes from!

Business Insider columnist Gus Lubin exchanged emails with one of the paper's authors who defined an "awe" experience as something which required:


  1. Perceptual vastness

    • (i.e., you need to perceive that you’ve encountered something vast in number, size, scope, complexity, or social bearing)

  2. A need for accommodation

    • (i.e., you must feel that you need to revise or update your mental structures/the way you think/your understanding of the world in order to understand the perceptually vast thing/stimuli)



Honestly, I can't tell you how good this validation in particular feels. I am not a scientist. I really can't prove any of my theories except in how I feel - and often the reply is, "Bullshit." I have preached (my wife calls it my new religion) on here ceaselessly on the importance of changing your worldview to accommodate that which you cannot otherwise comprehend, and letting your values self-correct to incorporate the new understanding.

I'm like the dullard at school who tried really hard and got the green ribbon for "most improved." That is to say, I really didn't excel competitively, I just did better than my usual. It explains why I have so much awe in my life. Don't you see? I'm finding I have to "update" my "understanding of the world" far more often that those way ahead of me. I see "scope" in very nearly everything I unearth - different ways to apply philosophy - and see "complexity" likewise; its daunting to know something can be applied liberally and yet be subject to existing paradigms, especially where "social bearing" is concerned! Its because my understanding was so far behind. I get the green ribbon.

It just helps reinforce that I'm not crazy.

As the Bhutanese Minster of Happiness says, "Increasingly, there has been so much research in terms of developing ways, matrixes and systems which can actually assess the way in which happiness can be measured through various factors that contribute to the happiness quotient of an individual. There are those now who increasingly accept happiness as an objective for development."

Color me happy :)





ehowton: (Default)




46:50



THINK )

Wikipedia defines functional psychology as a general psychological philosophy that considers mental life and behavior in terms of active adaptation to the person's environment. It good to finally have a name for what it is I muse about. While I was theorizing about the practical application of Kohlberg's Development of Moral Reasoning I kept getting off-track as I had to jump between scores which were conducive to my formulation and subsequent articulation. James Horner's A Beautiful Mind was a given, but as these things often do, one thing led to another, and another.

As I endeavor to not repeat tracks in my various compilations I was struck with a challenge as I have used a handful of these previously. This lead me to wonder if I could find re-recordings of some of my favorites - most notably lush orchestrations of otherwise "flat" synthetic compositions. And indeed I did! Armed with the iTunes store and "City of Prague" as my divining rod, I found exactly that.

This is essentially the playlist I ultimately put on repeat as I was authoring Game Theory. Enjoy!
ehowton: (Default)

I apply, or attempt to apply, the Nash Equilibrium to my everyday life, in every interaction. Its become a sort of philosophy for me. "Altruistic objectivism" if you will, as I don't subscribe wholly to any singular thread of philosophical debate - I don't have to - the best of many in an ever evolving comprehension of life far outweighs the limits imposed upon any single ideal.

Hiroshi Mikitani, CEO of Rakuten Inc. recently posted,

There is no such thing as common sense.

In fact, the only real truth in business is that all ideas are relative. Every manner of thinking has some strong points and some weak points. Nothing is ever set in stone. This is the nature of our world.

What’s important, therefore, is to progress forward while constantly adapting to new situations...Nothing is ever finished or fixed. Therefore, no one can ever declare his or her idea absolutely right. There is no absolute. Only the evolution of ideas.

Be suspicious of common sense and those who cite it to convince you to avoid progress. Do not fear going against common sense. Ideas evolve while being constantly adapted.



It dawned on me quite suddenly that Nash's equilibrium is, in essence, a practical application of Lawrence Kohlberg's third-tier of his Development of Moral Reasoning. Simply pointing out that learning to balance your own needs along with the needs of others as a postconventional value can be seemingly elusive and without form, but when coupled with making one's best response to the actions of the other players who are also [rationally] vested in a holistic solution both individually and collectively, then you have a workable, teachable, repeatable theory.

Adam Smith said the best result comes from everyone in the group doing what's best for himself, right? That's what he said, right? Incomplete. Incomplete! Because the best result would come from everyone in the group doing what's best for himself AND the group. Governing dynamics, gentlemen, governing dynamics. Adam Smith, was wrong!

The vernacular used here gave me pause to additionally consider the practical application of postconventional values in accordance with integrative bargaining over compromise; which at first glance utilizes the Nash principle, leading me to believe all conflict can be resolved through those who practice postconventional behavior. Again, rationality is stressed, for any sub-optimal decision by a "player" ends up hurting everyone, including themselves, in order to "win." When winning in the game of life is perceived as everyone finishing in first place over any single individual, our own personal accomplishment will mean that much more, and that's an ideology I can support. Fulfillment can only be reached by giving of oneself. It will never, ever come, by individual "winning."

Concisely, the Nash Equilibrium is a practical application of Kohlberg's postconventional values in the Development of Moral Reasoning which is integral to conflict resolution.
ehowton: (Default)

Jumping into a new situation feet first is the empirical antonym to quitting cold turkey - the creation of a pass or fail scenario, or to put it idiomatically, sink or swim - either figure it out along the way and succeed, or bow out. Learn by doing. A very good, and very effective educational approach as it greatly shortens the learning curve. There's no disagreement that quitting an addiction takes constitution and willpower; creation equally so. Those who are adept at one will be well suited for the other. All things being equal, it would stand to reason that the inverse of that is also true. Whomever struggles with quitting without gradual cessation or a placebo is probably not well suited for immediate and wholly saturating unfamiliar environments.


Which then illuminates the part many overlook - practical application of lessons learned. Within every failure is a lesson, and within every lesson an answer, or rather an opportunity to try again with an altered variable. Accurate conclusions cannot be drawn from incomplete trials and incomplete tests. Therefore a cascading effect of future bad decisions based upon inaccurate information is risked if defeat is assumed after failure because of the application of the failure rather than the success. In short the opposite of a "recipe for success;" instead a very nearly perfect scenario for guaranteed failures, one after the other, forever.


Whether the next particular altercation or variable chosen to be modified is the right one or not is ultimately unimportant, because until the correct combination is discovered it does not exist. Why emphasis is placed on time outside natural disasters or war is beyond the scope of this missive; destiny is timeless - whether the attributes of success are discovered later rather than sooner affects only the present, but giving into failure affects the future.


In short, it is absolutely essential to practically apply all lessons learned of every problem in a series of resolutions as often as required until a solution is reached. To do otherwise compounds failure indefinitely.



http://www.youtube.com/embed/CemLiSI5ox8

ehowton: (Default)

Without wanting to come off sounding selfish, I'd like to live. Now I know a great many of you are looking forward to gazing upon the face of Christ, but I'd much prefer it if you did it alone, without taking me with you. I don't really care how you do it, just leave me out of it. I'm certain of your terrible desire to self-terminate because I expend a tremendous amount of energy quite literally steering clear of your circumference of near-miss destruction. And outside of my time in Saudi Arabia, this has got to be the most densely-packed group of people who are incomprehensibly void of even basic instinctual survival I've ever mingled amongst, and I don't think the astrological sign of Pisces adorning your trunk is going to fix that anytime soon.

Its way worse than I anticipated when I first adopted the Nash Principle while driving. That was more a surface fix - a friendly guide on how politeness will always triumph over rudeness, and to systematically prove that "being right" can be very, very wrong. Dead wrong.

For example, while I may not always come to a complete stop at all stop signs - not because I feel that I'm "above the law" rather because (and I think we can all agree) the law is in place for the lowest common denominator - those who chose to live without personal responsibility - I do come to a complete stop at the yield signs, and on the frontage road where others are supposed to yield. Why do I do the opposite? Why do I not do what's right? Where I live, the stop signs have far, far more visibility both directions than many of the yield signs. "Running" the stop sign - illegally - won't get me killed, it will only get me a ticket. The same cannot be said for ignoring the yield. I would rather get a ticket than be dead. Why do you choose the potential for death? You're playing Russian Roulette with your car every time you ignore those yield signs, and I can only think of one word for that.

Let's take instinct off the table for a moment. We all can't be magnificent creatures of highly-tuned ability, after all. There are those without instinct who far surpass adaptive evolutionary traits by use of reason. Is your penchant for inattentiveness so distracting that you can't be bothered to reason your way out of not being dead? What am I to think when every single day I see you blindly run the yield signs then appear genuinely surprised that a vehicle was already traveling on the path you now occupy? That you have neither cognitive skills nor innate comprehension of life? What kind of misologist are you? Darwin was right. You really don't deserve to exist.

Fortunately, I was watching. I am always watching, and my foot was hovering over the brake. 100-times-out-of-100 you don't look, and someday you'll be dead because of it.

When you finally choose to make the ultimate sacrifice to my well-being and safety by self-culling, please leave myself and my family out of your stupid, self-destructive death-spiral.

Jesus is waiting for you.



I see everything.
ehowton: (Default)

Have you ever just watched the movement of ants? They're fascinating in their perceived lack of interaction with each other as they singularly move to complete their assigned task; yet taking into account the movement of others in relationship to their own to create seamless, efficient lines of communication without which has the potential to destroy the very logistics which enable them to survive.

When I'm behind the wheel of a vehicle, I employ the Nash equilibrium:

If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no one likes to be second choice. But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won't get in each other's way and we won't insult the other girls. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we all get laid.

Rather than choose to be hell-bent on constant speed 'because I'm right' or 'because I have the right-of-way' I've found that I'm more efficient and make more ground by not only anticipating other's moves, but more importantly so, reacting to them. In merging traffic for instance, whether I with it or it with me, I vary my speed accordingly by either accelerating or slowing to slip between cars, or more easily allow them either in front of, or behind me more easily. Not only is ignoring this overly simply concept rude beyond words, but by helping them, you help yourself. Driving in traffic is a corporative effort - no one 'wins' if one person chooses not to participate, but everyone has the potential to lose.

And the only reason to not do so, is selfishness. It always amazes me how many people expect other's to be understanding and accommodating when they themselves are not. I run into all sorts of craziness everyday, and post about it often:

  • The lady who slowed down on the highway entrance ramp, just before entering a two-lane road filled with vehicles moving at a high-rate of speed (I was behind her.)

  • The guy who was going the posted speed limit in the left hand lane with a 'WWJD' bumper sticker on his truck (He'd get the fsck out of the left hand lane, that's what Jesus would do!)

  • People who 'slow down' if someone comes upon them too fast (rather than, you know, move over?)

  • Drivers in large vehicles who believe that the 'Law of Tonnage' is an *actual* legislative writ which is judiciously levied.



Why the Nash equilibrium works with respect to traffic:

What Mr. Nash recognized was that in any sort of strategic interaction, the best choice for any single player depends critically on his beliefs about what the other players might do. Mr. Nash proposed that we look for outcomes in which each player is making an optimal choice, given the choices the other players are making.1

You're not the only one on the road. And anytime you selfishly do something because you're "right" you're automatically wrong - because you've failed to make your optimal choice based on what others drivers may do. So even though you can take solace in the fact that you won the battle, in the game of life, you've lost the war.

I apply these same rules in every increasing level of the game. Earlier this week traffic between work and home was moving unusually fast. Someone was coming up on me really fast - I looked down and noticed I was driving 100mph. I can only imagine how fast the person who was closing the gap between us was doing. Thankfully, it was a no-brainer; I did what I always do in these situations - I moved over.



1 The New York Times "Business" Section.

June 2025

S M T W T F S
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930     

Most Popular Tags

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags