The Empirical Manifesto

I love running across words I never knew existed - that defined things I thought had no definition. And usually, I find them completely by accident. Well, almost. They're usually tucked away somewhere in plain sight amidst synonymous etymology. In this case, an avatar I've been seeking for some months - a visual representation of wonder which hitherto has been an arduous feat. And while I wasn't expecting bubbles...everything else - the composition and expression - were pretty much exactly what I'd been seeking.


I've been toying with whether or not how we behave is more important than what we do. As Henry Higgins observed, "The French never care what they do, actually, as long as they pronounce it properly." So it is with us - outside of medical personnel and the like - emergencies are just that, but then, that often seems to be the problem, doesn't it? Everyone is always under some illusion of justifying their behavior because of a fabricated emergency; they dropped their Blackberry - ITS AN EMERGENCY! (Actually happened to me once.) Is it really? Having worked National Defense, I find anything short of loss of life an emergency, and that puts me in the minority.


The word I ran across was neoteny. It means the retention of childlike attributes in adulthood: idealism, experimentation and wonder.^* My wife had recently posted about joy and that day, as we're walking together around the geese-laden "lake" view path on our daily walk, she asked how one who didn't have a childlike-wonder about the world - could develop one. I was surprised by her question and I'll tell you what I told her - that I didn't know.


But on that same page with the image and the word, the author outlined it. She outlined exactly how to instill that in people, and ostensibly, ourselves: By being given the freedom to fail. That's it! Her sole commenter followed up with "The inherent pleasure of experimentation, of enjoying a journey that may not have an explicit end destination at the outset." To not fear failure. Rather, to use it as a tool. And that is why I enjoy work so much. Autonomy. Ability to play. Break things. Experiment. My management encourages this from me and I love it. It fits me like a glove.


How we behave doesn't have to be more or less important than what we do, but it certainly needs to be as important. Pride not only in what we do, but in how we do it. Aristotle said, "It is hard to be truly proud; for it is impossible without nobility and goodness of character." Guess where goodness of character comes from? From behaving admirably in the face of adversity. A self-perpetuating cycle of joy. Be not as the meek. Be proud of yourself for reaching your goals and also of your behavior while accomplishing them.

Kids,

I will always be proud of your accomplishments. But more importantly, I will be proud of your attitude and your behavior during those times above the accomplishments themselves. I would rather you lose every ball game you ever played if you enjoyed the hell out of playing and were genuinely impressed in the efforts of all the players - on both teams. I would be more impressed with that than if you won more than you lost but were angry or resentful when you did lose. That's not why we play. We play for the challenge, and for the fun.

Not that there's anything wrong with winning - its a boon to the ego and validation that we've done well. But we can learn from loss as well, and other people marvel at our character when we do. Some people are only impressed with winning, but that is a sad life full of disappointment, for they cannot accept loss, and feel personally betrayed by it. They feel betrayed because they let that accomplishment define who they are because they are frightened of failure.

But not you. You will be magnificent.

Love, Dad

I will never stop seeking that which could destroy me, if for no other reason than to be as prepared as I can when or if it were to transpire. I will never stop seeking that one thing I refuse to compromise on, save seeking itself, for as long as there is breath in my body, I will continue to search for that which cannot be found. Aristotle asserts that all human beings desire the acquisition of knowledge. Its all I seek anymore.


And I feel ostracized because of it.


For the first time in my life I am at a place where I can actively indulge myself in matters of the mind - I can expound upon ideas and thoughts and precepts and theorize conclusions and hypothesis. I work with computers all day in a mighty lair of my own creation, receiving instruction electronically and responding to it in fashion, never having to actually communicate to lesser beings. For some, this would be a one-way trip to madness. For me, its utopia actualized.



Neurotic Dog & Simple Dog, saddled with each other.
I often feel like "Simple Dog" insofar as he sees everything as awesome!


And yet no one understands. Because its different, its wrong; because its not normal, its wrong; because my ideas differ from others...its wrong. Because I embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth and can accept my own human nature in stoic style with all its shortcomings while being similarly accepting of others and displaying a general lack prejudice, its wrong. For many, art conceptualizes basic human instinct for harmony, balance and rhythm outside utility. For myself, pursuit of knowledge incorporates all those intangibles within the denotation of utility. I do not begrudge artists their expression, why do I feel such hostility toward my own discoveries? My own endeavors? How can an artist call my unique expression flawed?


Many feel that I dislike disagreements. Nothing could be further from the truth! Without a differing opinion I would never learn, and on this path of enlightenment I am on it does me a great disservice to either simply agree with me or worse, disagree without supportive discussion as to why. Your opinion means everything to me - when you can articulate the how and why behind it - and means almost nothing to me when you can't. Your opinion alone is not what's important, rather how you arrived at it. Where there is great doubt, there will be great awakening; small doubt, small awakening, no doubt, no awakening. ~ Zen Saying. And I doubt all unsubstantiated beliefs. You want to convince me? Talk to me. Tell me why you feel the way you feel, not just what you feel.


And yet time and again I battle daily with those who's default reaction to anything - everything - is seemingly frustration, or anger, or hopelessness. People who smile because they think that's what they're supposed to do, not those who do so because they cannot contain it within. People who feel as if anything other than frustration, or anger, or hopeless is oppressing - that I am actively seeking to destroy their freedom of expression by suggesting they use the power of their mind to...if not assume wonder at every turn, then at least not be destroyed by every overturned rock. Knowledge fascinates me! I live in a bubble of wonder! Why does this make ME the weird one?


A little over three years ago I posted on this very subject - thinking on things which could destroy me. And given that time, I've learned a few things. There was a cute little graphic I used that I thought summed up well what we should all strive for - four things no matter your beliefs or philosophies or epistemological viewpoints we can all agree upon. I didn't think these were opinions or debatable items. I now see that I was wrong.



There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.


"Have fun" the first one stated. Only, some are afraid to have fun. If they did so, they might pay for it later somehow; that it would come back to haunt them. Others don't believe they deserve to have fun, that fun is not quite within their grasp and is too much of an effort to attempt. Better to not try, than try and fail - because failure is bad. At least they can be a success at not having fun!


"Do not hurt people" the second one stated. This has been one of the hardest for me to learn. Many people will get hurt no matter what you do, or don't do. They leave no course of action which will alleviate pain or suffering. They will be hurt no matter what. You thought you had choices, but these people are adept at zero compromises. They don't want to get hurt, but neither to they believe that its possible to choose a path in which it doesn't exist. Suffering for most of us is a choice. For these people, its a way of life and there is no disputing it. They simply do not have the capacity for using their mind to change their perception enough to make them not unhappy. This is not an opinion. I can do it, they cannot. [CORRECTION: Others can do it too. (despite empirical data to the contrary...)]


"Do not accept defeat" is the third one in which I've realized my viewpoint on differs. Some wear defeat as a warm blanket around them - its comfortable because there are no expectations and let's face it, expectations can be hard. For those who find challenges nothing more than roads to failure, and failure as defeat instead of a lesson, acceptance of defeat is the ONLY path laid before them.


Lastly we had, "Strive to be happy" but I think you all know where I'm going with this. If you are afraid to have fun, are constantly hurt by every perceived action or comment, and wear defeat as a secret-club badge for being smarter than those who would fail, your vision of happiness; that pseudo-contentment you strive for which straddles the line between being frustrated and not - that is not what I consider happiness. I understand that you do, and if you'll allow me to, I will accept it fully as you accept mine.





This contrasts greatly with those who believe I live to argue. I remember people saying the same thing about drax0r. "He just likes to argue."

"No," I'd say, "He likes to learn." And that response always got me cud-chewing cow-eyes. Blank, cud-chewing, cow-eyes. Usually followed by the highly ineffective, "Nuh-uh" defense. As for myself I do it more because I desire understanding. And I don't mind admitting I'm often shocked at how little I understand. Almost as how shocked I am that there are living, breathing people milling around on this earth with no comprehension of why they believe what they do, and perhaps worse, without the cognitive function to discuss it logically before their emotional safety-net triggers and they start speaking in tongues. Its fascinating. And it scares the bejezzus outta me.


Why even the last person I suggested turning a potential conflict into a challenging opportunity asked me why I was always so negative. I had no response to that. It was the most life-affirming, optimistic thing I could think of to say, and how I personally deal with negative external influences. Yet...my suggestion of overcoming negativity was negative? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. And as is par for my course, it could not be explained. It just felt that way, I suppose.


We absolutely must have some common ground in which to interact.





I was standing near the pharmacy looking to stock-up on my el-cheapo daily antihistamines when I reached for the capsules, 100 count, $3.49. My hand hovered, stopping - because next to them were the tablets, 100 count, $3.49. I'd often wondered why there were both. That day, I took pause to find out why. I picked them both up to study them, assuming their delivery was different - I assumed one was a more timed release, but I was wrong - there it was, on the bottle! The capsules claimed, "Easier to Swallow." Excellent. Now I knew why there were two different kinds and was once again at peace with myself, and the world. I purchased those. After all, who wants something hard to swallow?


But by the time I got back to the car I realized all was not well at all. By claiming one was "easier" to swallow, why did the other not make its claim known? "More difficult to swallow." Well that's just absurd, marketers aren't going to do that. So...why even manufacture hard-to-swallow pills when the easier ones are the same price. Surely there's a reason, despite my research into both turning up nothing viable.


We were out on our morning walk when I mentioned this conundrum to my wife who said without hesitation, "I'd pick the pink oval one. Its pretty, and oval is a wonman's shape."


It was my turn to be cow-eyed.


I didn't know what to say, or even how to behave. I'm pretty sure I stumbled. I opened my mouth to mock her answer only...what if every woman considered that? What if that alone was the reason they manufactured both? One outselling the other demographically? Genius. Or not. Point is, I'd have never thought of it on my own. Not given all the time and money on earth.


Maybe I do need to talk to people from time to time.

禪

Above all, know thyself. No, its not the biblical term for masturbation. I mean the apparent phenomenon that many people don't actually know themselves well enough to anticipate their own reactions to any number of random stimuli. Or worse, the same stimuli under different circumstances. Yes, I run into this on a near-daily basis. I even have a helpful reverse-idiom of sorts at the ready for times I encounter it. Its my get out of jail free card. I ask more or less, "Is my request the first of its nature?" I ask it to anyone who's job it is to perform a very specific function, yet who appear genuinely surprised ^* when its my turn to ask it of them.


The Judeo-Christian systems of belief would have you believe that the meek are going to inherit the earth. Not meek as its defined now, as it was. To mean gentle, yielding. As in turning oneself over to the service of the Lord and not fighting against His Will (Thy Will be done). I've sat through many a sermon agonizing over and studying the original Hebrew dialect in order to gain understanding of the word choice first used by King David in Psalms and later by Christ in Matthew. After all, who doesn't want to inherit the earth?


Unsurprisingly, I feel differently. Not that I don't want to inherit the earth - I do, but that I alone shall inherit it. At least, myself and those of my ilk. For its not the meek who will do so, rather the open-minded; those who can integrate new information into their belief system and exceed the limitations of their programming. The funny thing about close-mindedness as an ethos is that it has a way of proving itself ineffective through active rejection of newly discovered knowledge. So if the close-minded can claim that they shall inherit the earth through close-mindedness, I can certainly claim otherwise - and I have a whole lot more confidence in the unprejudiced, unbigoted, and impartial than the millions of monotheists out there who would disagree with me. Close-mindedness just seems like such a dead-end way of life despite their unsubstantiated claims to the contrary.


I personally learn through a process of doing - hands on experimentation. Succeeding and failing both. If the outcome is not as expected, I change a variable and try again. Some people give up entirely upon their first failure and see any further attempts as fruitless defeatism. Others try and try again, but miss completely the learning portion of the lesson by refusing to change any variables. In this case, I feel that I am with what I have presumed is the majority - those who persevere no matter their ideology, and that I can at least respect.


Changing, growing, can be as difficult as attempting to define something as elusive as love. Some make lists of things they do which prove love, or have ideas about another's actions which would run contrary to that list, thus disprove it - after all, we all see the world differently. Myself? I only know the depth of my feelings of affection and devotion - without lists. The moment I've written it down it runs the risk of limiting me - slowing me down from experiencing something which may greatly add to my exposure. Lists can get confining fast, and most of us aren't into limiting our expressions of love, but growing them - exceeding both the expectations of others, and expectations of self. Think Old Testament versus New Testament. In the former "works" were required for blessings, in the latter only Grace.


And speaking of sweeping theological changes, ever since Christ said so then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot I will spue thee out of my mouth, I've been walking the narrow path between two camps of hotheads everywhere I go. No matter what the subject of conversation is, NO ONE WANTS TO BE SPEWED FROM JESUS' MOUTH. They therefore run full hot, or full cold, under the assumption that one is more important than the other, never bothering to question why, and only seeking council and advice from like-minded folk which is nothing more than egotistical validation. These people are incapable of feeling shame, replacing it with pride and calling it humility. How can I combat that?


I was a teenager when my mother explained to me that I needed to get to know myself. I thought she was an idiot - I was me for goodness sake - how could I not know me? Of course I discovered what she meant during the months I spent in near-isolation the first time I left home. 5,130 miles from home to be precise. And have since learned that there are other activities in which to acquaint yourself with...yourself. The same tools used in character-building can also illuminate autognosis if you allow it, as its something which requires nurturing. And despite my own series of scenarios of how I would behave in any series of circumstances, even I'm surprised by my own emotional reactions at times. Except that by adding that knowledge to my data-set then helps me in anticipating it in future outcomes, thus strengthening my armament for dealing with whatever life throws at me. Perfect? No. Better than being continually (and more often than not negatively) surprised by life? Absolutely.


I told a young man once what my father told me when I was a young man, "The severe polarity you feel righteously about is common amongst youth. As you grow, learn, experience and mature, you'll start to question everything. And when you do, you'll find you become more moderate in your views as you discover the truth, which always lies somewhere in the middle." I explained to this young man that my father's words were true because it was just as I had experienced it, and I wanted him to experience it as well. This freedom from a lifetime of ignorance. The youth said I was stupid for being so weak to turn away from [whatever the ideological conversation was at the time].


So go forth and be meek. Or not. Run hot and cold. It doesn't matter, you're not going to inherit the earth. I am. I will outlast you. I will try and fail and learn and succeed. My dizzying array of hands-on empirical activities will trump your hibernation because I am infinitely flexible. Entropy destroys that which is unchanging - like those principles you put so much stock into - but has a difficult time feeding from that which grows and I am on a path of personal growth. I'll get mine in the end, and this is why.

---

^{* http://ehowton.livejournal.com/322402.html}

I had always assumed the reason I was able to live without regret was that I made smart decisions one after the other. But somewhere along the way when decisions became decidedly more complex, and affected multiple systems, sometimes which decision was more right or more wrong wasn't as easily observed. Yet I continued to live happily in my decisions, which I then assumed was due to the perseverance to stick to the decisions I'd made without lament.

Further analysis reveals that I live without regret because I've never made rash choices out of character. At every crossroads, I've always chosen the more logical path. Perhaps not necessarily the easier path, nor the more fun path, but the one which would allow me to continue behaving in the manner I had become accustomed to.

That's not to say there hasn't been fun along the way. Sometimes the logical path is the more adventuresome of the two, and turning down adventure has also never been in my character. And of course since I find failure and fear fascinatingly effective teachers, I've also been known to choose those things as well from time to time to prove myself right, and sometimes to prove myself wrong.

In reading the INTJ community blog here on livejournal, I came across a thread where INTJs were scoffing at those who felt they needed to back up their statements with a resume of sorts - positions held or experiences had in which qualified their opinion - as not only unnecessary, but damaging to the posters reputations. One went so far to say that he would dismiss it out of hand if the poster felt he had to qualify his opinion.

Its truly amazing where I run into close-mindedness. The most open-minded and reality-creating personality group out there, and I run into this? Of course that's not the first place I've seen it, and it sadly won't be the last. No, the first was right here on this blog. Because I do believe experience counts. Its how I make nearly all of my decisions, and seek out new experiences to reinforce them. Which is why I'm flummoxed at those who'll state in the same breath that empirical testing shouldn't be placed above theoretical knowledge yet they have difficulty often making difficult choices. To me its crystal clear.

My son wanted to drop out of band because he was really enjoying P.E. at his new school and band would pull him out of that class every other day. We had a bit of a sit down after I cancelled his class because I was saddened to discover he pulled out of band before even trying it. When questioned about the importance of trying something prior to deciding, I settled upon authority.

Those who have opinions based solely upon theoretical knowledge really aren't living at all, and I've found them more close-minded than those who've walked the walk. Until you've tried and failed, you've never learned. But if you make choices based on something you've first set your hand to, you have authority behind your opinion - tangible, measurable authority.

And no one can take that away from you.

The little things. Sweat them not. Broad strokes are ideal for general feelings of well-being. We can always control broad strokes, even when using the Butterfly Effect of Chaos Theory - changing one very tiny thing to see how it unfolds. Less simple is attempting to control the outcome of many threads simultaneously. So don't. That path leads only to frustration. Learn instead to appreciate the outcomes you can control. In a word, yourself. You are the single-most important variable to any of your scenarios. You're also the easiest thing for you to manipulate. When you are finding it exceedingly difficult to change a situation you're unhappy with, change your perspective by changing yourself. Suddenly, its no longer an obstacle. Its an assist. Wow!

No, its not magic. And sure its difficult - anything worth doing is. But only its unfamiliarity makes it so. Start small. Try it with little things. Try it on for size. See how it feels. Don't go too far outside your comfort zone, but go far enough. What do I mean? Its like this: What you're doing now is obviously not working, so you really have nothing to lose, despite the initial discomfort of uncertainty. Once you've had a few small successes - and failures, don't forget the importance of failure - you can branch out even further. Utilize your newfound power on even larger issues to tackle. Bam!

Case in point: Recently I came up against a real prick of a Project Manager. While its true that it takes a certain personality type to excel in that role, its not a prerequisite to be a dick. Nonetheless, there are those who enjoy flexing muscles they're disallowed from flexing elsewhere in their lives. Regardless, I found myself stuck with him. My first reaction I'm now embarrassed to say was overt disdain. Mind you, I also had my reasons - very good reasons. But that doesn't make how I reacted any more honorable. As things were coming to a head, I decided on an alternate strategy. I would kill him with kindness!

Respect is earned. Nonetheless, I chose to pretend to respect this man, his position, and his authority. I thought that by pretending to respect him, at some point I might trick myself into *actually* respecting him. Guess what? It was easier than I anticipated. The more respectful I became, the less of a dick he was. I also found that he was good at what he did, and a strong contender to have in my corner when things on the project temporarily turned South. The best part? My life was now much, much easier. The conflict was gone and I greatly multiplied the effectiveness, and joy, in my daily activities. All these wonderful things because I chose to not be a dick back.

Its not magic. It just seems like it because its such a foreign concept. We all wonder from time to time how so-and-so manages to always seem so content at everything life is throwing at them. Now you know. The best part? This is one of those experiments you CAN try at home!