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I've never been one to kneel before the Fates. They can can commit incestuous lascivious acts amongst themselves as far as I'm concerned. I think - therefore I am. However, as a non-passive reasoning empiricist, I must at all times seemingly tempt those apportioners of destiny. Were I to believe that [an action that presupposes a good outcome leads to anticipated regret and therefore draws attention disproportionally to the negative outcome. The negative outcome then seems more likely because it is more available.]1 But I don't. Because I don't, I find myself oddly comfortable with the older belief systems which do not promote original sin as a guilt. For I find that after the analytical phase of my empirical experiments, I am afforded logical and emotional directives which fully justify actions which others may find morally dubious. That being said, I rarely experience guilt, or regret.


This then begs the question - are only those who believe in the Fates subjugated to them? It amuses me that Messianic Jews can disprove the Christian trinity while simultaneously proving that much older trinities are "false" whether we're talking about the Maiden, the Mother, and the Crone or the eons-old "sacred three" as in the number of maiden Fates.2 But just as in the approximately six billion interpretations of the bible, what if I'm wrong about 'tempting' the Fates as far as presupposing favorable outcome, and have been instead of guilty of enticing them to morally ambiguous deviancy for my own gratification? Is my intent on trial here, or merely my actions? Where does one draw the line? The letter of the law is far easier to police than the spirit of the law, yet some mythologies have compensated for that loophole by eternally damning sinful thoughts alone, with or without action. Others not so much.


Thankfully, those who do not acknowledge such limitations are not bound by them. And as practicality (among other things) would prevent me from being a full-time practicing hedonist, much as singular wytches operating outside a communal coven consider themselves solitary, so then should I consider myself something of a spiritual sensualist - that which has no application outside my mind and my thoughts. I refuse to pay lip service to something woefully inadequate and instead shall revel in my own mental sensualism. For when all is said and done, I haven't done a thing - except to refuse to be bound by convention.

Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~ Dumbledore

I have no convictions whatsoever, save one - challenging my own beliefs rigorously in case I need to modify them; apply new knowledge to them, which by definition is anti-conviction; fluidity. I proclaim adaptability is far more sustaining that conviction in every scenario I run, for in order to effectively run them I must absolutely consider that which I most despise as a viable alternative else it would nullify any outcome as incomplete. For those who only predict future possibilities based upon past performance I promise you will absolutely reap everything which thou sew. And I make so few promises these days.


I'm bedding the Fates - all of them. For my future is my own to foresee, and I alone will be responsible for my successes and failures. By my hands alone will I rise up, and sometimes fail, and what I learn from those failures will be invaluable. So if tempting the Fates, seducing them, is something which should not be done, then it is by my own actions that I do so, and will face the consequences of such head-on. I will not cower in fear at what may be, or what the future may hold, I will define it! And if that definition includes playing with fire - tempting Fate and sleeping with her sisters - so be it. To date, my life has been one magnificent experience after another. Even the few times its kinda sucked. Why? Because I've learned from it - and isn't that the point of living?


And if not - Spiritual Sensualism means you get to bang the Fates anyway. When I kneel before them now, its for an entirely different reason.



1 - Risen and Gilovich (2008)
2 - "Maiden, mother, crone: the myth and reality of the triple goddess" By D. J. Conway, pgs 3, 189
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The mind is a fertile playground, filled with both thoughts shared, and thoughts best left unsaid. Which we choose to do with each, as a Freud would say is a job for the eternal struggle betwtix id and super-ego; a massive, heaven and hell power play which takes place in our sub-conscious mind, leaking ever so infrequently into our waking thoughts. And yet as evil and selfish as our id is made out to be, the greatest driving force behind our super-ego, fear - is far, far more damaging to those who venture out to mingle amongst others.

Fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of ostracism, rejection, change, failure - all these things and more from people we know, people we don't know, ourselves and even God Himself. So much fear, so much hesitation, so much environmental molding that we never even question our own motivations.


Orbs within an orb to perceive
And this sphere is your heart
And this truss its strength
Tucked away in an elongated cube
These staffs shall perambulate you
Until the end of your days.
For the fear which binds us, it also blinds us


If your best days were the bygone days of old, for what are you now living? What animates you and perhaps more importantly - do you know why? Have you ever questioned - no, studied the daily events your life, how you got there, what you hope to accomplish, but perhaps most importantly why you do it. Have you ever stepped outside of it in order to look in? Not in order to see what others see, but as a change or perspective to see what YOU see.

Rediscover yourself. If its been awhile since you pushed your envelope, by all means do so.

And never let the bastards get you down.
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Self-Portrait


Last weekend we hit the HALF-PRICE BOOKSTORE and for $5 a game, I got a legal copy (mind you, not four legal copies) of "Unreal Tournament 2004" as well as "UT2k3" (which turned out to be the best buy of the day as my son loves it for reasons I haven't been able to pin down yet - new maps as far as I can tell - not to mention the plethora of officially-sanctioned downloadable user-content), Gas-Powered Games "Dungeon Siege"-engined, "Space Siege" (which actually is going to require a second game-DVD purchase as I can't seem to crack the .exe allowing me to put it on two computers, but at $5 apiece who cares?) and a game I can load and *mostly* run, "Dungeon Lords." I also got my daughter an addicting Pop-Cap'esque game, "Jewel Quest II." I tell you, best $25 I've spent in ages. The kids and I gamed on-and-off both weekends.

Took a day off Thursday while the kids were still in school and we spent something like six hours in the mall. Well, I spent a lot of time holding my wife's purse outside the women's clothing stores at the mall, though I did score a Ghostbusters sticker for my car. A delightful lunch at The Cheesecake Factory and I was back at work Friday. Our weekends have been so full these last several weeks and its getting close to Summer break that the kids are full of energy and we're trying to temper that with activities. During my ass-groping episode at Costco I did find some nice Sit-Atop tandem kayaks. Would love to do that with the kids on the weekends, but honestly, we can't afford that and taekwondo. Maybe we'll find some for rent somewhere down the line and give it a try. I've really been working my arms on the Bowflex ever since they got called "spindly" by my lovely wife. Hrumph!

I had two very...we'll call them photorealistic dreams. In one, I was a Musketeer, sworn to protect the King of the United States but a new government had formed and declared itself legal, throwing out the old government. I felt bound to the old government and refused to give up my sword, though I was also very careful to keep it sheathed so I wouldn't appear to provoke. It was quite madding, me not wanting to slay my own countrymen, yet they were rabid in their cult-like extremism. When I awoke, and despite my love of State's rights and a smaller Federal government, I was glad we're not on the brink of civil war. There's a right way to do things, and a wrong way. Quite emotional, actually and led me to rethink my politics. Now that's an amazing dream!

The other was as bizarre as it was disturbing with a naked, 80-year-old Dick Van Dyke as a magical shapeshifter who held power over me while I came face-to-face with some apparently subconscious dilemmas to deal with. For the curious, it would appear that my id & super-ego are in perfect harmony with each other. So, no surprises. Go me!

What's the acronym for the opposite of FML?

I think I'll I'll coin MMFLIA!, "My Mother-Fucking Life is Awesome!"


Who you gonna call?
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