Values, Part IV

2024-05-22 04:18
ehowton: (my_lovers)

Conversations surrounding values just keep popping up these days. Most recently during our fifth session of couples counseling (though I did not mention it in my post). The therapist asked if our values had changed over the last 10-years. I let her know that my top five have changed priority a handful of times (much like my treatise on Love Languages but that my wife's absolutely have (mostly from leaving religion). I don't know why I feel like the therapist is always trying to stump me, but I'm fairly well versed on values as well, and took to her whiteboard to illustrate the path from worldview to behavior and how our values are determined by our beliefs. Off the cuff I listed mine in no particular order as curiosity, joy, connection, and intimacy. My wife backed up this assertion then admitted hers had changed quite a bit in the intervening 10-years.

The therapist then asked if we thought an alignment of values was important to a successful relationship. Of course I decided to throw her a curveball, because why not at this point. I stared with how our values should absolutely change to reflect our growth, experience, maturity, and understanding of the world around us (she's nodding this entire time), then mentioned that an alignment of values was only half the equation - how we get there is fully the other half. If two people end up with opposing values but took the same methodical, logical path along the way, which side of the balance/counterbalance is less important than the journey we took and the process we used. To put it another way, when my wife and I were filling out questions on the online dating site OKCupid for the algorithm to match us, a lot of hers said, "YES" and a lot of mine said, "NO" but in the text box we'd written nearly identical reasons as to why we gave our answer. The polarity of the YES/NO was inconsequential at that point as it was obfuscated by the perspective of our respective thesis.

So yes, let's compare our values. But let's also compare how we reached them <3



Values, Pt. III
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Values, Part III

2024-04-22 14:05
ehowton: (my_lovers)
Writing prompt:

Poly vs cheating. How and why are they different?

TL;DR: Transparency; authenticity


poly (Greek) for, "many" and amorous (Latin) for [sexual] "love" was a term coined circa 1990 to denote, "loving many." While at face value a cheater could be seen as also loving many, I would argue sex outside a loving relationship isn't love at all, instead something very different, which is why I prefer the term ethical non-monogamy. Even using this term in that way seems counter-productive given monogamy (Greek) for "single+marriage" as we practice it today only became a popular configuration for 0.28% of the time we have been on this earth. People who practice monogamy (ethical or otherwise) would be the clear outlier - even according to the Bible and its variants; a common pseudo-authority people enjoy misrepresenting for the argument of their position on the subject. But this isn't about the Greeks, the Italians, or even the Bible. Rather, a look into how each of us justify living authentically while attempting to adhere to the nonmaleficence principle.

This exercise requires shelving malum prohibitum focusing instead upon our individual value system, expectation management, conflict resolution, and communication skills, as would be required in any relationship regardless of sociosexual configuration. Ethical non-monogamy requires all of these skills to be performed out in the open, transparently, eschewing subterfuge. Reviewing a list of 419 values suggests we, collectively, do not maintain identical values as unique individuals. Throw into this already chaotic mix of diverse values with the understanding they should evolve as we experience, learn, grow, and change, and quite suddenly navigation through the knowns and unknowns appears even more precarious.

Tricky things values as they are wedged distinctly between beliefs, which form them, and behavior, which is their visible manifestation. This is how those with whom we interact can determine what we believe without us ever vocalizing it. We may also notice the goals which were most important for us to obtain in our 20s may differ from our goals in our 30s and again in our 40s. The values we embody will no doubt closely reflect those changing goals, and given how linear time works, this scenario would be applicable to the eight billion people upon this earth at any given time.

Within a percentage of that population, there are those who are seeking reprieve perhaps, in one form or another, and cheat on their significant other. This is an emotional or sexual affair which is kept hidden - an earmark of cheaters. Commonality among reasons exists for cheaters, most (not all) of which are heartbreaking, but the number one reason is lack of connection; creating, maintaining, and nurturing a connection within the relationship itself. A tall order to be sure. Serial monogamists often try another approach, having a string of lovers one-at-a-time which may better mesh with their personality or lifestyle, or within the confines of their pursuit of values. Often serial monogamists don't consider themselves ethical non-monogamists though the argument could certainly be made, and since the prior relationship is effectively over, neither do they consider themselves cheaters, as there is no need for secrecy. But all of these disparate behaviors are subject to our own, personal values.

Is it also then possible that the personal values of someone whose priority is connection may wish to engage in loving relationships with multiple people simultaneously, without getting tangled in the relative morality of either cheating or serial monogamy? Cheaters and serial monogamists both are chasing after their own needs looking to be fulfilled - we fault them while simultaneously endeavoring to fill our own needs. Our opinions of them are rooted solely in our own worldview, from which we judge. We endeavor to do no harm through transparent dialogue, vulnerability, and reciprocity. Yet when opposing values meet, we turn to them again as our authority to justify that judgement. Interesting things about values - none of them are more right or more wrong than another, yet when based upon our, "strongly held beliefs" we often cannot be otherwise persuaded.



Values: The Beating Heart of Behavior
Values, Pt. II
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So, You're Frustrated: A Guide

2024-04-22 08:46
ehowton: (Captain Hammer)


“I’ve started to get all these weirdo feelings.
Like I have fear with no specific object.
What is that?” ~Barbie





This is not a treatise on generalized frustration (assuming there is such a thing), rather trying to determine if feelings of frustration have a specific trigger, and how to discover what it may be. While I will present this process in a step-by-step outline, the steps themselves may not be simple, or easy. These types of things rarely are when done properly, and for honest reflection. So without further ado:

  • REVIEW this comprehensive Wheel of Emotion to ascertain if frustration is indeed the specific emotion we are feeling. As we can see, there are two sub-categories stemming from frustration; furious, and annoyance. My own feelings of frustration are almost never being infuriated, rather annoyed. On closer inspection however, we may find a closer match on the outer ring all stemming from anger. Study them closely, as if we discover it more accurately describes an adjacent feeling, that may help us discover its origin.


    • DISCOVER the root of all these associated feelings (in this case, anger). We need to focus on what makes us angry, or more specifically, what is making us angry right now? This is where the outer ring can help us narrow down the cause of our now highly specific feeling. We have to ask ourselves, "When did these feelings start?" and "What happened recently?" or even, "Where was I/What was I doing?"


      • COURSE CORRECT: Emotions are entirely normal and a part of navigating life successfully. We're not necessarily attempting to NOT feel frustrated, rather identify a possible pattern surrounding those feelings so we can either steel ourselves for future scenarios, or (if possible) avoid them altogether for a fun, happy, frustration-free life. As an example, the majority of my own frustrations stem from not being good enough/smart enough when I wish to do something new or challenging. Silly? Sure. Does knowing its silly of me help? Not at all.



  • COMPARE our desire to live by specific values with the actual values we currently embody using this list of values.

    • INTROSPECT: This will require quite a bit of introspection, and has the potential to be rather uncomfortable. There are often values we want to live by, but often don't, for a myriad of entirely valid reasons we may not have even considered. And a lot of this will span numerous philosophical reasons as well. For example, we may want to live authentically, but struggle with betrayal. Or we wish to live religiously, but struggle with doubt. Perhaps we wish to live altruistically, yet our own basic needs aren't being met. This causes a chasm in our existential life, and reconciliation is only as easy as we are honest with ourselves.


      • SELF-EVALUATION alone isn't fun or simple, and we're beseeched by something almost completely out of our control called self-deception. This isn't a criticism, rather a truth. And it makes it exceedingly difficult to self-evaluate. Why? Well as author Joseph Nguyen posits, don't believe everything you think.


        • This is necessary only if we are sincere about living authentically and freeing ourselves from the cycle of unwarranted surprise emotions.



  • ACCEPT that it's okay to get frustrated, and sometimes we just need that emotion to help put things in our life in perspective. If we choose to wield it as a tool, it can be a helpful indicator of what we wish to remove from our lives.


    • It's okay, really - there's nothing wrong with us!


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Values, Pt. II/ Reversal, Pt. II/HEXAREQUISITE, Pt. III

2023-01-27 11:51
ehowton: (my_lovers)

When she discovers I embody every value she seeks and those who qualify as "single and Mormon" never will.
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Game Theory

2012-11-03 00:00
ehowton: (Default)

I apply, or attempt to apply, the Nash Equilibrium to my everyday life, in every interaction. Its become a sort of philosophy for me. "Altruistic objectivism" if you will, as I don't subscribe wholly to any singular thread of philosophical debate - I don't have to - the best of many in an ever evolving comprehension of life far outweighs the limits imposed upon any single ideal.

Hiroshi Mikitani, CEO of Rakuten Inc. recently posted,

There is no such thing as common sense.

In fact, the only real truth in business is that all ideas are relative. Every manner of thinking has some strong points and some weak points. Nothing is ever set in stone. This is the nature of our world.

What’s important, therefore, is to progress forward while constantly adapting to new situations...Nothing is ever finished or fixed. Therefore, no one can ever declare his or her idea absolutely right. There is no absolute. Only the evolution of ideas.

Be suspicious of common sense and those who cite it to convince you to avoid progress. Do not fear going against common sense. Ideas evolve while being constantly adapted.


It dawned on me quite suddenly that Nash's equilibrium is, in essence, a practical application of Lawrence Kohlberg's third-tier of his Development of Moral Reasoning. Simply pointing out that learning to balance your own needs along with the needs of others as a postconventional value can be seemingly elusive and without form, but when coupled with making one's best response to the actions of the other players who are also [rationally] vested in a holistic solution both individually and collectively, then you have a workable, teachable, repeatable theory.

Adam Smith said the best result comes from everyone in the group doing what's best for himself, right? That's what he said, right? Incomplete. Incomplete! Because the best result would come from everyone in the group doing what's best for himself AND the group. Governing dynamics, gentlemen, governing dynamics. Adam Smith, was wrong!

The vernacular used here gave me pause to additionally consider the practical application of postconventional values in accordance with integrative bargaining over compromise; which at first glance utilizes the Nash principle, leading me to believe all conflict can be resolved through those who practice postconventional behavior. Again, rationality is stressed, for any sub-optimal decision by a "player" ends up hurting everyone, including themselves, in order to "win." When winning in the game of life is perceived as everyone finishing in first place over any single individual, our own personal accomplishment will mean that much more, and that's an ideology I can support. Fulfillment can only be reached by giving of oneself. It will never, ever come, by individual "winning."

Concisely, the Nash Equilibrium is a practical application of Kohlberg's postconventional values in the Development of Moral Reasoning which is integral to conflict resolution.
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HEXAREQUISITE, Pt. II - Needs of the Spirit

2012-09-13 00:00
ehowton: (Default)

Having discussed Tony Robbins "Personality Needs" in HEXAREQUISITE, its time to address the last two, what he calls Needs of the Spirit. I don't put much stock into that voodoo that you do and I roll my eyes at the new age passivity of the public face of peace. I marvel openly at those who practice both individual spirituality and organizational religion - as well at those who do not, and I giggle to myself when anyone attempts to instruct me on their polar vies of politics much as an armchair quarterback confidently critiques a televised billion-dollar glamour industry play in four-quarters. I am gentle with my children when they need me to be and hard on them when required. Knowing that many different people do many different things for many different reasons isn't enough. Knowing why unlocks compassion. The "golden-rule" is flawed, but its a fantastic starting point. Sociology isn't in the knowing that cultures differs, its in endeavoring to know why. Only through knowledge can we begin to understand not only ourselves, but others - and this solves a whole host of both existing, and potential problems.

NEEDS OF THE SPIRIT - unlike personality needs, which we all find a way to fulfill in one form or another, while essential to human fulfillment, not everyone finds a a way to satisfy these, although they are necessary for lasting fulfillment:

  1. GROWTH:
    The first one is growth, which is one of the most powerful needs. Simply said, if you are not growing you are dying. Unused muscles and neurons, atrophy; unused knowledge and skills, forgotten. If you help others to be fulfilled, you will be fulfilled. Friedman (2005) observes:

    “When you have a pathway to be The Man or The Woman, you tend to focus on the path and on achieving your dreams. When you have no pathway, you tend to focus on your wrath and on nursing your memories.”

    Yet, it is also true that with reflection — the analytical examination of our memories, we can choose the right pathway to fulfilling our dreams, otherwise we could only be repeating the same mistakes we made, never really learning the lessons we ought to have learned. Problems, adversities and challenges make us grow strong, but it is the decisions we make that are the bedrock of our own individuality. It makes us, who we are!*

  2. CONTRIBUTION:
    Robbins’ second primary need is the need for contribution. Often, we will do more for other people than what we will do for ourselves. To meet this need on a higher level we need to be willing to consistently give to others that which you wish to receive. A possible rewording of The Golden Rule: do unto others what you like others do unto you? Thus, to have a rewarding life, we need to go from being “culturally successful”, to being fulfilled. To help others when and while we can is even more rewarding than helping ourselves to fulfill own desires, wishes and dreams while trampling the humanity of others.*

When our needs for love, growth and contribution are satisfied, they tend to encompass all our other needs. When we focus on something beyond ourselves, most of our problems and sources of pain become less significant. Contribution is the human need that effectively regulates your other five needs - If you are focused on contributing to others, you have the certainty of being able to contribute (there is always a way); you have variety (contribution is highly interactive); you have significance because you know you are helping others and improving their lives; the spiritual bond created when you help others gives you a deep sense of connection; and you grow by creatively helping others.*

It would seem that while the entire population of the earth is understandably at different levels of needs, in order to have a fulfilling, intimate relationship with someone - mutual understanding - it is imperative that the parties involved understand and acknowledge their own levels of need. Someone who's priorities are meeting personality needs will be unable to reach intimacy with someone who's goals are fulfilling needs of the spirit. Not necessarily incompatible, but as we learned about personal values this is reflected in behavior and when individuals engaged in relationships are striving for dissimilar needs, obvious conflict would deny each party fulfillment of their own needs and render them unable to meet the needs of the other.

This is not wrong, simply problematic. Seek relationships with those who's needs mirror your own, otherwise fulfillment - a rewarding life - will never be met. This is not to say that we need to strive to find people who believe everything we do and only agree with our beliefs, rather finding people who have a desire to pursue growth and contribution no matter ideologies over the pursuit of tangible goods or self-serving personality needs.

As Tony Robbins himself infers, not everyone will ascend to fulfillment because "People at the lower levels of moral reasoning tend to come up with simplistic solutions. When these solutions don't work or backfire, they become baffled.* Given that intimate relationships are based on the mutual cooperation and understanding to equally fulfill all needs of self and all needs of others, someone in a "mixed" relationship who pursues personality needs may be incapable of balancing their own needs along with the needs of others, one of the earmarks of post-conventional values.

It is very hard to get to this level if a persons values the other human needs before contribution. Again paradoxically the easiest way to fulfill all the human needs in a positive way is to focus on the needs of the spirit first. By valuing these needs the highest you will experience love because you will be in a state of love...which will elicit the experience of love for others. There will be great variety as this is what is required of growth and you will feel significant because you are contributing, having a positive influence on those around you.*

It all comes back to intrinsic motivation. Those of us who eschew material pursuits do so because we do not require them to make us happy - our happiness comes from who we are and out ability to positively illicit conflict resolution through a genuine understanding of ourselves, our needs, and understanding and meeting the needs of others - though I cannot resolve meeting the needs of those who's primary goal is solely having either their needs met (pre-conventional values) or only meeting my needs (conventional values). It conflicts with the symmetry and balance of post-conventional values.

If a person doesn’t value growth highly enough then the motivation won’t be there to go through the necessary challenges that come along with the journey in the new direction. When a person refuses to meet the challenges of life they develop what are called safe problems. These are lingering issues that lie within a persons control to change...They are called safe because they stop having to deal with the quality problems that require growth.

The reason why growth is often experienced as painful is because it flushes up all the old conditioning from childhood that is buried in the subconscious. This is exactly why growth is so important for a happy life because by flushing up these old, outdated patterns and beliefs they can be cleared from the mind which allows the life energy to flow freer within a persons energy system. Having access to the energy of life puts a person in a different state, a state where problems are challenges which can be solved easily and creatively.*

In revisiting why defining values is so very important, I turned to Steve Pavlina's dissertation where he explains, "The ultimate goal of living your values is to eventually bring them into alignment with universal principles. As you experience living with different sets of values, you'll learn what's truly important to you. Your values are your current estimations of truth. They represent your answer to the question of how to live. Some sets of values will fail to produce the results you want. They may leave you feeling restless and unfulfilled. Other sets of values bring you closer to a feeling of congruence. When you act with integrity to values that are themselves aligned with universal principles, you get the best possible results."

Who EVER wants to settle for "restless and unfulfilled?" We all strive for "the best possible results." To that end I took a second look at his list of 413 values and attempted to craft my own personalized prioritization of values:

Transcendence
Curiosity
Symmetry
Knowledge
Open-mindedness

For me, these feed into each other, and through them I will gain accesses into other equally important endeavors, such as the welfare of my children. In my mind, I would be unable to focus effectively upon their welfare without first employing the above five. Ensuring their needs were met without also meeting my own would be doing them a disservice. Open-mindedness is required to absorb knowledge, knowledge assists in balance (symmetry) through which I discover by way of my insatiable curiosity: Transcendence, the ability to overcome these human trappings and become more than I am - to instruct my children in the very tangible lessons of happiness and positivity through personal development.

Personal Development*

  • improving self-awareness

  • improving self-knowledge

  • building or renewing identity

  • developing strengths or talents

  • improving wealth

  • spiritual development

  • identifying or improving potential

  • building employability or human capital

  • enhancing lifestyle or the quality of life

  • improving health

  • fulfilling aspirations

  • initiating a life enterprise or personal autonomy

  • defining and executing personal development plans

  • improving social abilities


What is in your list? Perhaps more importantly, why? Are you waiting for it to happen to you, or are you fighting for it - joyously seeking it every moment of every day?

Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human. ~Tony Robbins*

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HEXAREQUISITE

2012-09-11 00:00
ehowton: (Default)


So often people blame events for how their lives have turned out.
Yet what really shapes our lives is the meaning we attach to events.
~ Tony Robbins



We went out to eat the other day, and was served by a bright-eyed, cheerful young lady who took the time to speak directly to us, ask us about our day AND keep our iced teas filled. "She's going places," my wife quipped. As she brought us the bill she thanked us for looking her in the eye while speaking to her, "So many customers nowadays won't even do that!" We left a 50% tip.

Attempting to connect motivation, values, goals and needs to better understand myself and others is a daunting task insofar as not only are they all separate entities, they seemingly feed into each other from a myriad of directions, making their interoperatbility a single cohesive unit.

Wikipedia defines the four as follows:

Motivation is the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviors.

Values can be defined as broad preferences concerning appropriate courses of action or outcomes.

A goal is an objective, or a projected computation of affairs, that a person or a system plans or intends to achieve.

To most psychologists, need is a psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a goal, giving purpose and direction to behavior.

So once again we're going to tread the waters of actions and behavior. Color me unsurprised. As we've previously discussed how values and behavior are connected we'll now assume motivation is the the trigger for need and explore how behavior reflects it.

When I think of needs I immediately visualize Masolw's pyramid. And more recently Tony Robbins' "Six Human Needs" This is brought into play because...

IF:

The main benefit of knowing your values is that you will gain tremendous clarity and focus, but ultimately you must use that newfound clarity to make consistent decisions and take committed action.

Consciously knowing and living by our values is extremely important. Values act as our compass to put us back on course every single day, so that day after day, we're moving in the direction that takes us closer and closer to our definition of the "best" life we could possibly live. The "best" is your own ideal, but generally as you get closer to this ideal, you'll enjoy increasingly positive shades of "better" even if you never reach "best." And this makes sense because many results in life exist on a continuum. There are some discrete entities like being married or not married, but your health, financial status, relationship intimacy, and level of happiness are generally continuous, meaning that they can gradually get better or worse. It seems reasonable that more health, happiness, wealth, intimacy, inner peace, love, etc. is better than less.*

AND:

Decisions shape destiny.

THEN:

Our needs are what we are pursuing by way of our decisions. Whatever our needs are at any given time, our values will shift to accommodate them and our behavior will immediately reflect to achieve it. Ergo, the future we desire!

Knowing - identifying exactly - our needs, suddenly becomes more than just an esoteric pastime. They are fundamental to not only our every day lives (as reflected in our behavior), but also to our very future, to which is tied health, happiness, wealth, intimacy, inner peace, love, etc. That is a veritable laundry list of positive items that can result from just one question. What are our needs?

Mr. Robbins separated human needs into two areas which he called "Personality Needs" and "Needs of the Spirit" which I think deserve a second look given they might help us define our future and positively modify our behavior to obtain it. For this entry, we'll focus only on the first four personality needs, linking to four different sources at an attempt at well-roundedness...

  1. CERTAINTY:

    2. We want to feel safe, avoid pain, and feel comfortable in our environment and our relationships. Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and security. Even though some certainty is necessary to all of us, what constitutes certainty varies from individual to individual. Code words for certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability and protection.* If people have a high reliance on the human need to feel certain in life it can inhibit a truly happy life because an important part of meeting the needs of the spirit involves being able to feel uncertain, since a large part of growth relies around the ability to go outside oneself and to push boundaries.*

  2. UNCERTAINTY/VARIETY:

    3. If you get too much certainty in your life you become bored and your life becomes monotonous. Many people have this challenge so they crave variety or uncertainty in their life. It can also be described as surprise, difference, diversity, challenge or excitement* for variety and challenges that will exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs some variety in life. Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, surprise.

  3. SIGNIFICANCE:

    4. A sense of being needed or having a purpose, uniqueness or the need to feel important. "There's a healthy way to pursue both [significance and variety]," Robbins says, "and an unbalanced way: When you buy a yacht for significance, there is always going to be someone with another, nicer yacht. How long can that significance last? When the desire for significance or certainty is driving you, you're going to be unhappy," he said. "You have to switch your priority to growth or love. Those are better leads."*

  4. CONNECTION/LOVE:

    5. The fourth and final need to fulfill for everyone walking the planet is the need for love and or connection. A lot of the time people settle for the feeling or connection because love requires the ability to be able to grow and contribute to someone or something outside yourself. [If we don't love selflessly] it is hard to experience love which can only come when someone else’s needs are put before their own (which paradoxically is the easiest way to fulfill our deepest needs). Adults tend to find it easier to experience love from family members and their children than with an intimate partner because with family and children there is a sense (illusionary) of certainty that they will never leave them.*

While we all probably understand these things at different levels, what seems apparent is that pursing or meeting solely our personality needs will lead to attachment and suffering at one end, and mediocrity at the other. Yes we need these things to survive, but I would argue there's a chasm between those who seek survival, and those who seek to live.





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Values: The Beating Heart of Behavior

2012-06-28 00:00
ehowton: (Default)




I recently made the deductive statement that one's personal values surely changed as one ascended from one hierarchical need to the next, but when asked to back up my claim I found I wasn't immediately able to deduce why that may be the case. After all, aren't values inherent to who we are not only immovably individual, but also collectively cultural? This is what I have set out to prove or disprove.

In starting my search, I first had to define values - aren't they our guiding principles to differentiate between right and wrong and good and evil? Much easier to subjugate when I was younger, but now that I'm older and have my own thoughts about things, not so much. Perhaps maturity modifies ones values? After all, the passing of time allows intervals for experience; experience may yield lessons; lessons afford us the opportunity to learn; learning expands knowledge; knowledge which can be utilized grants us wisdom; wisdom changes us irrevocably. But is wisdom alone maturity?

"Maturity indicates how a person responds to the circumstances or environment in an appropriate manner. This response is generally learned and encompasses being aware of the correct time and place to behave and knowing when to act appropriately, according to the situation and the culture of the society one lives in."* So a learned response! And what is this about behavior all of a sudden, I thought we were discussing values?

People act according to their values which come from beliefs that stem from their worldview.*

So...values dictate to us how we act; behave. Interesting! I suppose one ought to start with their worldview in order to understand how that translates to behavior, because values seem to be affected by the beliefs which are spawned from it. So what is a worldview? James W. Sire, in Discipleship of the Mind, defines world view as, "... a set of presuppositions...which we hold...about the makeup of our world." Ah, presuppositions!

Presuppositions rest upon that which a person considers to be the truth of what exists. People's presuppositions lay a grid for all they bring forth into the external world. Their presuppositions also provide the basis for their values and therefore the basis for their decisions." ~Francis Schaeffer

Basically, your worldview is what you think the world ought to be. Where have we heard that word "ought" before? SHOULD STATEMENTS – Patterns of thought which imply the way things "should" or "ought" to be rather than the actual situation the person is faced with.

Basically worldviews are manifestations of cognitive distortion! Now we're getting somewhere.

If you deny that your worldview fundamentally affects what you think and do, then you must acknowledge that your behavior is impulsive, reflexive, or emotional at best; ignorant or irrational at worst. Assuming that a worldview can be incorrect or at least inappropriate, if your worldview is erroneous, then your behavior is misguided, even wrong. If you fail to examine, articulate, and refine your worldview, then your worldview may in fact be wrong, with the above consequences, and you will always be ill-prepared to substantiate your beliefs and justify your acts, for you will have only proximate opinions and direct sensory evidence as justification.*

If we are supposed to, "examine, articulate, and refine" our worldview, then by default a change in our beliefs, values, and behavior will follow. Not only does it alter our values, but so does everything connected to it, every single time we reevaluate. And I aggressively reevaluate without provocation.







Like a stack of dominoes, once your worldview is modified, so then are the beliefs which are built atop it - "You want your beliefs to change. It's proof that you are keeping your eyes open, living fully, and welcoming everything that the world and people around you can teach you."* This means that peoples' beliefs should evolve as they gain new experiences, and when a person changes one belief, a multitude of other beliefs seem also to change simultaneously and effortlessly. Dispositionalism suggests that by changing the surrounding beliefs and desires, very different behavior may result.* As we have seen, the link between beliefs and behavior, are values.

If our worldview can and should change as we learn more, which can and rightly should then change our beliefs, then absolutely our values not only can change to match, but also should. This is covered in chapter 9 of the critical thinking textbook, Think where they discuss Lawrence Kohlberg's Development of Moral Reasoning. Development; growth, a process. Not only can values modify themselves, there is an identified, repeatable sequence - it is how we know what values are and measure them. A person's stage of moral development is correlated with his or her behavior.

  1. PRECONVENTIONAL VALUES
    • Stage 1
      • Does only what needs to be done to take care of self and avoid punishment.

    • Stage 2
      • Satisfy own needs first, consider other's needs only if it benefits you.


  2. CONVENTIONAL VALUES
    • Stage 3
      • Put other's needs first, maintain good relationships, conform to peer norms and seek approval from others.

    • Stage 4
      • Respect authority and societal norms; maintain existing social order.


  3. POSTCONVENTIONAL VALUES


Unfortunately less than 10% of American adults ever reach the postconventional level or moral reasoning; values. People with lower levels of moral reasoning tend to come up with simplistic solutions and then are baffled when they do not work. People outgrow their old way of thinking *when* it becomes inadequate for resolving more complex problems. Movement to a higher stage is usually triggered by new ideas or experiences that conflict with their worldview.

Now comes the really interesting part. You don't have to continue living by the same values. You can consciously change them - even radically if desired. You can go from a person who values peace most highly to one whose top priority is success, or vice versa. You are not your values. You are the thinker of your thoughts, but you are not the thoughts themselves. Your values are your current compass, but they aren't the real you. Why would you ever want to change your values? You may want to change your values when you understand and accept where they are taking you, and you realize that what you appear to value right now will not enable you to enjoy the "best" possible life for you.*

Which brings us to behavior. Behavior is the visible portion of our values - which we now understand to be a very fluid thing based on our ever-changing environment and our open-minded incorporation of new data. You cannot be open-minded and remain unchanged. Because of the trickle-up effect we've just outlined, if you find yourself behaving the same year after year, month after month or even day after day you know you are close-minded because your worldview has not changed.

So what are values? Here's a list of 418 of them. The author of that list says, "The next step is to prioritize your list. This is usually the most time consuming and difficult step because it requires some intense thinking." But don't forget our magnificent ability to think we are things we are not! From my Relationships post:

But being honest with yourself is is not so easy. There's a little thing called self-deception that gets in the way.*

I run across this all the time - people who think their values embody something like benevolence and goodwill but who's visible actions denote fear or greed. So while your behavior may be inconsistent with your stated values, there is no such thing as a right or wrong list. Just be aware that someone else's value priority may be different than your own, and this will absolutely manifest itself through behavior.

Me and my values? They are changing all the time. Every time I have a new thought, or leap to a new conclusion, or reach some personal milestone. My values these days are meta-values, those which underpin the kind of peace which can only come from a successful familiarization with one's self. In attempting to compile my list from the 418 options I was shocked I couldn't find my highest priority on there:


Symmetry.




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