ehowton ◾ ◾ Entries tagged withwalrus

2008-06-18 06:05

Once upon a time, there was a lovely walrus princess who loved with more love than any one walrus should ever have to contain, so she spread it out as much as she could amongst as many as she could, waiting on the ice shelf for her true love, and true love's first kiss.

SO BEGINS the DVD-release of "Sawing off a piece of the Walrus" the finale in the popular trilogy Ruby. This final movie introduces Banjo who breaks the spell of promiscuity which haunts Ruby, ending her cycle of self-abuse and bringing together two disparate goal-oriented creatures wherein they both discover that while failure plagued them individually, together they were able to conquer the Arctic!

Banjo, the slightly retarded but good-natured Sea Otter washes onto the ice shelf after a clam-opening mishap, and wrecks havoc upon the peaceful community of walruses with his affable intentions and his four left feet.

Packed with extras, be the first on your block to enjoy this heartening family film as you revisit your favorite moments over and over again -

Banjo trying to crack open a clam by beating it against his head

Hilarity ensues when young Banjo continues to beat the clam against his own head even after the entire walrus community proves to him how fruitless it is! What a silly retard!

The first time Ruby shows Banjo her tusks

Who could ever forget the explosive dawning of comprehension when Ruby shows Banjo her tusks for the very first time as he was in the process of rallying against his very reaction? That silly Banjo!

Deleted Scene: "Walrus Envy"; the truth behind pinniped male-reproductive organs

When a group of pups whip 'em out for comparison, young Banjo becomes suddenly aware that he's no walrus.

Sea Otters are the largest of the weasel family

Discover how the slippery otter threatens the most beautiful walrus on the ice shelf, which leads him straight into Ruby's waiting flippers.

UNCUT! "My beating walrus-heart"

In her most moving performance to date, Ruby sings her famous 'tusk' song to Banjo as he prepares to mount blubber for the very first time (parental discretion advised).

Meet the Parents

When Ruby dresses up Banjo like a doll to introduce him to her folks, Papa's stiff bristles tingle with trouble while Banjo deals with role reversal.

◾ Current Location: 75409
◾ Current Music: Fenton - Ice Worlds

◾ Tags:

ruby,
walrus

2008-04-13 17:45

Ruby was now the most popular walrus on the ice shelf! Everyone wanted a piece of Ruby!

Well, at least all the guy walruses liked her. She didn't have any girl walrus friends. They were nasty to her and called her unfair names.

Poor, poor Ruby!

One day, Ruby was minding her own business, humming along to a song her mama had taught her, back when she was just that little pup:

"One ^day you'll _be blubbery ^and fat, _with long ^strong tusks _for grousing ^at this _and that."

She was just finishing up her song when a group of girl walruses accosted her!

OH NOES!

They asked Ruby why she hated herself. Ruby (being smarter than all the other walruses), carved out hateful words describing her true feelings about life, the universe, and everything so that all the other walruses could read them.

After that, things were different for Ruby. Since people knew what was in her walrus heart, they stopped wanting to be with Ruby, even when she was displaying uninhibited depravity! Furthermore, as news of her walrus words got around, it seemed to upset everyone, even her mama!

To make everything right again, Ruby (being smarter than all the other walruses), soon found a way to erase the hateful words, thus undoing the harm that had been done! Now everyone on the ice shelf would be her friend again, because her words were now gone.

But her words had been written upon more than just the cold ice. Because they were written with hate, they were also written upon the minds and hearts of everyone else on the ice shelf.

Ruby learned that while you can let your proverbial walrus knickers down here and again, you can never let down your guard.

Ruby's first story can be found on my Ruby Tag: http://ehowton.livejournal.com/tag/ruby

◾ Current Location: 75409
◾ Current Music: Desplat - Syriana

◾ Tags:

ruby,
walrus

2008-04-08 09:26

Ruby was the only walrus pup on the ice shelf who didn't have her tusks.

Poor, poor, Ruby!

"But I want to have pretty tusks." Ruby told her mama. "All the other walrus pups have theirs." And Ruby's mama always said the same thing to her, in a song:

"One ^day you'll _be blubbery ^and fat, _with long ^strong tusks _for grousing ^at this _and that."

But poor Ruby thought her mama was a moron.

And so it was that Ruby went philandering around the ice shelf trying to fill the void in her walrus heart.

The end.

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Eshkeri - Stardust

◾ Tags:

ruby,
walrus

2008-04-04 12:15

Infringed from

swashbuckler332 who 'yoinked' it from

revolos55 who snatched it from...

My username is _____ because ____.

ehowton

My name is _____ because ______.

Uwe.

My journal is titled ____ because ____.

The Empirical Manifesto

Why Me?

resistance

where I'm going.

My friends page is called ____ because ____.

My default userpic is ____ because ____.

photogoot

Turning in early, I was aroused only slightly at the storm's apex which caused me to fall into an even deeper slumber, knowing it was out there. The hail came with thunder and lighting then tapered to the pitter-patter of rain and I slept like Jayne during Firefly's last episode.

Speaking of, I've been reading

quicksilvermad's Firefly fanfic. She reminds me of Christie Golden (ST:V author) in being able to maintain the tone and quirks of the portrayed characters. I'm reading it slowly (approximately one chapter each morning, before work) but the best part is how I found her: RANDOM USER. I shit you not. How cool is that?

This fence I straddle, unchanged, despite the direction I may face. ~Eric Howton

Other random randomness which failed to make it in yesterday's random post (once I get caught up, the randomosity will surely lessen):

My cell phone does not get a signal at my desk at work. However, if I lift it above my head, over my cubicle walls, and its a clear day, sometimes I can send a single text message. However, my wife eyes me with incredulity when I'm sitting at my home computer and suddenly lift my phone over my head to send a text message.

I finally fixed my jumpstart issue by adding the following line in the sysidcfg file: nfs4_domain=dynamic. This however, does not fix my current problem, and that is, jumpstarting a Fujitsu SPARC Enterprise M4000 across a crossover cable from a Sun X4200 x86 box.

We were given these 1GB thumb drives which mounted as "protected" filesystems but would allow you to write to them, and seemingly erase them, but the erased files were written to a (hidden database?) which 'restored' the files for you at each use. Oh, and you couldn't reformat the drive either. Being slightly more intelligent than the average bear, I stuck it in my linux box and attempted to fdisk it with the same problem - linux respected the 'protection.' Fine. unount, mount -o ro /dev/sdb, BAM! This caused the console to flood with errors. At a loss, I plugged it into my SPARC linux box, which auto-mounted it as write-protect off and a successful format. SPARC FTW!

I'm finding Elmer Bernstein's Heavy Metal: The Score to be increasingly awesome, enjoying more and more every time I hear it. It reminds me an awfully lot of Ghostbusters sometimes. A better Ghostbusters score, if that makes sense.

It was 50-degrees this morning; cool and overcast - a gorgeous morning after a night of storms. I put the heat on the floor, put the windows down, and hit the highway at 80. What a fantastic drive in this morning!

*This post is void of any images to make up for my overabundant use of them yesterday. For those of you still using dial-up, your patience is appreciated. I wouldn't wait for me. And yes, I did stick my tongue in the monster again this morning - how else could it be explained?

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Bernstein - Heavy Metal: The Score

◾ Tags:

2008-04-03 12:20

MONSTER BY THE CASE
Monster brand energy drinks retail are between $1.99 and $2.09, and our food services company sells them for $2.99 at our on-site cafeteria. Sam's Club sells them in a case for a per car price of $1.21! I picked up a case yesterday after work and put two in the fridge. One for today, the other for tomorrow. The only difference between myself and

drax0r where this is concerned, is that my case will last me 24 days. When he bought his he played a game called how-many-can-I-drink-a-day-and-still-function? His case lasted him four days. And the 'still function' part of that little experiment is still out for debate.

One of these actors spends a lot on salon products, and the other uses Suave.

LEAVINGS
My wife got a juicer in which she makes these complex, multi-source drinks for us. And its amazing how little juice you can get from a handful of kelp, broccoli, mustard greens, spinach greens, turnip greens, carrots, and the sort. One day, she was emptying the leavings, that is, the pulp which had already been juiced and throwing it away. I stopped her, fascinated and asked, "Can you save that for me?" It looked great! I imagined it in soups, stews, salads, crock-pot meals. I find that a couple of hours after my drink, I enjoy sprinkling a little cheese, salsa and seasoning directly on the leavings and eating them.

One of these bloggers spends a lot on salon products, and the other uses Suave.

SIXTH SENSE
I'm used to rolling out of bed around 0900, giving

drax0r a call, and making it in around 1100. Since my wife has started working, however, and I need to be home before the kids get off the bus, My alarm is set for 0545. Yes, that's early. Too early. Also, my CD-Alarm is set to play Track 22 of theBSG Mini-Series, "The Sense Of Six." Give that link a listen. Yeah, do you have any idea how fucked-up my dreams are between 0545 and 0555 when I finally drag my ass out of bed? Yikes dude.

ehowton used to be a photographic intelligence troop. photogoot used to be a military intelligence photographer. This past December, the two of us went to work together once again, when schpydurx lost his watch during a drunken urination session.

FUN WITH INSTANT MESSAGING
About 18-times a day, I lose AIM. The fun part is, unbeknownst to me, without *actually* losing connection my AIM session disconnects & reconnects possibly 18-times a minute, so that when I do finally lose connectivity with the server, Pidgin tells me I'm an asshole for trying to 'reconnect' too often and punishes me by making me wait 10-minutes. EIGHTEEN TIMES A DAY.

I'm ready to do it again. Who's with me?

JUBAL EARLY AND THE TACO BOWL
Richard Brooks played Assistant District Attorney Paul Robinette on Law & Order and was one of my favorite actors and characters. Always questioning himself, and his motives. Then he went away (later to return as a race-motivated defense attorney, but that's a story for another post) and I didn't see him again - in anything - until the very last episode of Firefly where he played the bounty hunter Jubal Early - and who, really, could forget that? So the trite hispanic man who used to fill my taco bowl every day has been replaced by Jubal Early and just seeing him every day makes me smile. I wonder if he knows?

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Goldsmith/Silvestri - The Mummy/The Mummy Returns

◾ Tags:

2008-04-01 13:01

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◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Gregson-Williams - Sinbad, Legend of the Seven Seas

◾ Tags:

stats,
walrus

2008-03-29 01:46

◾ Current Location: 75409
◾ Current Music: Beatles - Magical Mystery Tour

◾ Tags:

2008-03-27 09:53

It started one night, in preparation for the December 1st party.

drax0r and his wife

jesskd26 came over for drinks and cigars in the garage. The night was gorgeous and he and I were setting up the outdoor computer and amp. As we started building the playlist the ladies were very clear that they didn't want any musicals on there. "But what about Frank?" drax0r asked. They acquiesced. Frank was fine. And that's how Guys & Dolls, a musical, made it on the playlist. As we were going through the possible songs, drax0r would name them, and I'd start singing them. The ladies looked upon us as if we were nuts. During one particularly rousing rendition of "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" jesskd26 quips, "Everyday."

What?

"Everyday you do something, or say something which makes me think you might be gay." She says. "You get excited about your shoes, you're picky about your clothes...and now this. Everyday."

So its become sort of a running joke with us. Every time I burst out into song, or perform a little impromptu softshoe, or say something a touch beyond what your average metrosexual might, jesskd26 looks at me, shakes her head, and says, "Everyday."

It just so happens, that at times, I actually do bring this on myself - albeit unwittingly. For example, we were outside enjoying a break from work and I told drax0r that I was going to be a pirate for Halloween this year. And I became animated as I decided on that dude from Pirates of the Carribean. "I'm going to wear eye shadow and be Captain Jack...(I couldn't think of his last name; it was a bird. A bird who's name began with an, "S")...I'm going to wear eye shadow and be Captain Jack Swallow!

All he could do was shake his head at me and say, "Everyday."

The power of political incorrectness, is in its truth. ~ Eric Howton

And straight from my Inbox to you, something anyone who knows me in person can attest to:

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship:

When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey.

When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words.

When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well! Again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsiness.

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

Everyday.

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: A plethora of scores on my iPod

◾ Tags:

2008-03-19 14:00

Today is going to be a fantastically different day for me. I don't usually judge day's based on what I do necessarily, because I tend to accomplish a rather wide variety of tasks during the day. Rather, I look at days with a more critical eye than most - that being, how I feel.

As a self-proclaimed optimist and light-to-the-world I carry the burden of the responsibility of other's happiness on my shoulders. I feel, however, that all that is going to be flushed down the toilet today. Its not that I'm in a bad mood - no sir; so rarely to I have those its hard to remember how they feel. And its not that I'm angry either (which happens on occasion - no need for alarm). Rather, I'm feeling...mischievous. To the point I've been accused of being downright negative. Me? Say it isn't so. However, it must be true - two people have told me this within the span of twelve hours.

My world is dust now,
And all I loved is dead.
Oh, let me trust now
In what my master said:
"There is a sweetness in every woe."
It must be so. It must be so.

Being "off my meds" so to speak, the world is suddenly a blank canvas. Whatever shall I do? More cowbell. If I'm not acting within my usual parameters, I certainly can't be expected to pretend its not the case. The only course then, is action! Where to start, then?

I used the passing of Arthur C. Clarke to link two unrelated denominations together: I make it a rule to not care if I get one psycho-whackjob religion confused with another.

I studied up on the aptly-named anonymous activist group, Anonymous.

I spun my vehicle around in lake of white mud throwing it across the entire width and breadth of my car. It now looks that I was in a rally race. The guard at the front gate into the plant even asked me what I'd done.

I am dying for any reason whatsoever to call someone, "walrus-looking" even if its unjustified. That has just been eating at me all day long!

In other news, for those of you who read it, I apologize for you seeing this again, depressing as it is, but I wanted to share it with those who don't read xkcd:

And now I have something like four simultaneous projects that I want to start and finish, immediately. I think I'll get myself a Monster and buckle down...and listen to The Hunt for Red October oover and over again.

Too much rain over Paradise.

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Toto - Dune

◾ Tags:

2008-03-11 10:53

Its all in the eyes...

◾ Current Location: 75070
◾ Current Music: Zimmer - Gladiator

◾ Tags:

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The Empirical Manifesto

◾ Fingering the Muse

◾ Entries tagged withwalrus

Banjo the Sea Otter

Walruses Gone Wild!

Ruby Finds Her Tusks

I AM

Sticking my tongue in the Monster

1Q08 Stats

Harpoons

Everyday

Zu viel regen über dem Paradis

Carpet Bombing

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