Cass - Day 11

Fast & Testimony today (first service after General Conference). After church I brought Kaylie home while Cass and Abbs went to Young Women's for second hour. We went almost immediately to AirBNB (sans Abbs this time), then to A Taste of Jerusalem for gyros and tabouli salad (fantastic). We started A Beautiful Mind but had to run back to AirBNB to swap laundry and stopped on the way to see her folks; I did enjoy telling her mother I was looking at houses in the area as she has opinions on why I am here and how long I should be staying lol

In conclusion to one of our long-running conversations, I've finally acquiesced to one of Cass' long standing concerns that I also date other women while I date her. It will certainly make my life interesting to say the least. This way, apparently, I can make sure there isn't anyone in the local Great Bend area who isn't more well suited for me - Central Kansas of course bearing witness to its diverse dating pool. She will be doing likewise. I'm oddly comfortable with this arrangement because I know it will put her mine at ease. She's been my best friend for far too long for me to not want that for her, and I love her enough to give her what she needs. Sometimes being my best friend and potential lover both creates conflicting priorities, but her friendship has always been, and will always be my ultimate goal.

Its been such a tumultuous couple of years and a highly concentrated version of that since since I've been here that now that I'm finally at peace with myself, her, and us, the familiarity of it is a little odd. As usually, looking forward to how my future continues to play out.

AUTHENTICITY

Sonnet 21

A billion points of light in the night sky
I pick you, unique, from all which I see
The one which calls to me; the time is nigh
"Perhaps another" you say, "Go on a spree"

"That one there, twinkles more int'res'tingly
That one o're there burns brighter still than I
There's one who's hue colors more pleasantly
And that one is far more gaily and spry"

My star light, my star bright, my only star
She sees not the beauty she has within
A vision I see up close and afar
All which will ever be; has ever been

A billion points of light in the night sky
Yet only one reflected in my eye

Cass - Day 12

It's been a day of whirlwind emotions and I don't know why. I think subconsciously I'm processing living the remainder of my life without Cass as a lover, wife, and partner, which may be triggering some fear which is causing me to act slightly out-of-character. None of these are good things when you're working to establish consistency in a new relationship. So in that regard, I don't blame her. She also wanted me to stay through the next weekend - which I was thrilled to do - but now have to work what will very likely be a half day Sunday. So not only will I likely miss church, it will eat into our last day together for who knows how long. But, I'm thinking positive as we've talked about shorter, more frequent visits. Though I will have to get the Caddy serviced when I get back before I drive out here again.

And speaking of subconscious, I'm pretty sure that plays into my whirlwind of emotions. I'm still processing the divorce, and healing, and being here with her best friend of many years brings a lot of that to the forefront. It is rather humorous when she starts discussing the divorce I always have to stop her and ask, "Yours or mine?" Because neither of us ever saw this coming. We're just trying to play the hand we've been dealt, which often is wrought with uncertainty, and everything which follows in uncertainty's wake.

We still have some events planned - a formal dinner date and spa day, but sadly we're going to miss the ballet in ABQ and Vivaldi in Sante Fe. I've made tentative plans to drive to Wichita to spend the weekend with my daughter and Topeka to spend the weekend with my son next month.

After work I took the girls to dinner at Red Robin (because Weck's is closed on Monday) then the to the mall. We got home after dark. I don't remember if I mentioned this previously, but Kaylie was so enamored with Gothic Novel that she wanted to create her own mix from the story she's been writing. She finally installed Audacity and I gave her an overview of how to use the tools then she just ran with it. She's been locked away in her room ever since pounding out her own unique mix.

I started reading The Little Prince aloud to Cass this evening (I've never read it) in lieu of sitting in front of the television, but as invariably happens, we delved into deep discussion. My therapy session is this Thursday (we're both off that day so will be able to both attend) and she wants me to bring up what we talked about - that being - perhaps those things which I have been told about myself manifest as fear in believing them to be true. I hope one of us remembers :P

Getting to bed before midnight tonight which is very nearly unheard of. That said, getting up early to take Cass into work tomorrow.