Cass - Day 12

[ehowton]

It's been a day of whirlwind emotions and I don't know why. I think subconsciously I'm processing living the remainder of my life without Cass as a lover, wife, and partner, which may be triggering some fear which is causing me to act slightly out-of-character. None of these are good things when you're working to establish consistency in a new relationship. So in that regard, I don't blame her. She also wanted me to stay through the next weekend - which I was thrilled to do - but now have to work what will very likely be a half day Sunday. So not only will I likely miss church, it will eat into our last day together for who knows how long. But, I'm thinking positive as we've talked about shorter, more frequent visits. Though I will have to get the Caddy serviced when I get back before I drive out here again.

And speaking of subconscious, I'm pretty sure that plays into my whirlwind of emotions. I'm still processing the divorce, and healing, and being here with her best friend of many years brings a lot of that to the forefront. It is rather humorous when she starts discussing the divorce I always have to stop her and ask, "Yours or mine?" Because neither of us ever saw this coming. We're just trying to play the hand we've been dealt, which often is wrought with uncertainty, and everything which follows in uncertainty's wake.

We still have some events planned - a formal dinner date and spa day, but sadly we're going to miss the ballet in ABQ and Vivaldi in Sante Fe. I've made tentative plans to drive to Wichita to spend the weekend with my daughter and Topeka to spend the weekend with my son next month.

After work I took the girls to dinner at Red Robin (because Weck's is closed on Monday) then the to the mall. We got home after dark. I don't remember if I mentioned this previously, but Kaylie was so enamored with Gothic Novel that she wanted to create her own mix from the story she's been writing. She finally installed Audacity and I gave her an overview of how to use the tools then she just ran with it. She's been locked away in her room ever since pounding out her own unique mix.

I started reading The Little Prince aloud to Cass this evening (I've never read it) in lieu of sitting in front of the television, but as invariably happens, we delved into deep discussion. My therapy session is this Thursday (we're both off that day so will be able to both attend) and she wants me to bring up what we talked about - that being - perhaps those things which I have been told about myself manifest as fear in believing them to be true. I hope one of us remembers :P

Getting to bed before midnight tonight which is very nearly unheard of. That said, getting up early to take Cass into work tomorrow.