Like Trying to Explain the Theory of Relativity to a Talking Donkey

[ehowton]

It starts out a friendly conversation amongst friends...

ProfessorTom: What, praytell, does photogoot do for a living?
EricHowton: He's a Program Manager.
ProfessorTom: what exactly does that title entail?
ProfessorTom: what exactly does a program manager do besides manage?
EricHowton: He's in charge of the Project Managers.
ProfessorTom: what do they do?
EricHowton: Oversee the various lines of service to ensure a project has what it needs to meet the customer's expectations usually.

Here's the question the first time:

ProfessorTom: so he's a programmer, but on the management side of it?
EricHowton: A Program Manager is usually more political and less hands on than a project manager.
EricHowton: No programming involved.

Here's the question a second time:

ProfessorTom: but he does/can/did program?
EricHowton: No. There is no programming involved in a Program Management position.

Clear?

ProfessorTom: I understand that

Fantastic!

ProfessorTom: how did he work his way up to that position?
EricHowton: He was hired off the street and skyrocketed to that position based on his boyish good-looks and innate charm.
ProfessorTom: I see

Wait a tic, wots this?

ProfessorTom: so he never programmed professionally?

Uh...

EricHowton: THERE IS NO PROGRAMMING INVOLVED!!!!! The word PROGRAM in this case refers to a HUGE event (usually outsourcing) which encompasses many smaller projects.

We're good now, right?

ProfessorTom: I need either a "yes" or "no" answer to this question
ProfessorTom: Are you retarded?
EricHowton: Yes. I have many faults. One of them is trying to convey new ideas to you.
EricHowton: I should give that up, as I usually just end up repeating myself!
ProfessorTom: thank you. now I know you are not illeterate but rather retarded.
ProfessorTom: I understand there is no programming involved.
EricHowton: NO YOU DON'T!
EricHowton: Because you keep asking me.

WTF?

ProfessorTom: my question was did he ever program professionally?



ProfessorTom: the two are not related
EricHowton: OMG dude, I am so going to KILL YOU!
EricHowton: STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!
ProfessorTom: d00d!
ProfessorTom: calm down
EricHowton: I'm crying now.
ProfessorTom: I don't want to have to call you wife and tell her you have a heart attack
ProfessorTom: *having
EricHowton: I broke down in my office and am crying like a bitch because of you.
ProfessorTom: that's right
ProfessorTom: you're my bitch. now cry, damn you!

EricHowton: Please stop asking if he programs, professionally or otherwise.
EricHowton: Please?
EricHowton: You know what, he's not a Program Manager.
EricHowton: He's unemployed.



EricHowton: Sorry I mislead you.
ProfessorTom: if you'll answer the question OF PAST EVENTS
ProfessorTom: ha ha!
ProfessorTom: you're so funny
ProfessorTom: I just split my sides laughing
EricHowton: *sigh*
EricHowton: No, he's never programmed anything more difficult than his VCR.
ProfessorTom: thank you sir!
ProfessorTom: now, tell me, how difficult was it to answer that question?
EricHowton: Extremely,
EricHowton: difficult.
ProfessorTom: apparently!
ProfessorTom: God!
ProfessorTom: you make the baby Jesus cry
EricHowton: Oh no sir, your misunderstanding of the English language is unparalleled!
EricHowton: I'm sorry I ever uttered the word 'Program'
ProfessorTom: two gentlemen in an online argument
ProfessorTom: this is so fun to watch!
EricHowton: You made me piss myself the fourth time you asked if he was a programmer.
EricHowton: I thought, "Certainly he's not hitting the crack pipe as we speak?"
ProfessorTom: I didn't ask if he was a programmer more then once. I asked HAD HE EVER PROGRAMMED. There is a slight difference, sir
ProfessorTom: you sir, are an unparalled work of art.
EricHowton: "Yes, he's programmed in the past, which is why he's a Program Manager, which involves NO PROGRAMMING WHATSOEVER!"
EricHowton: *eyeroll*
EricHowton: I was trying to lead you off the path.
ProfessorTom: the two are not mutually inclusive
ProfessorTom: yes, you were
EricHowton: But like a mule, you kept in the rut.
ProfessorTom: that's right.
EricHowton: Mule-headed bastard!
ProfessorTom: got lot's of fields to plow, Bro. Howton
ProfessorTom: Gonna leave my troubles Lord, Lord gonna leave my troubles behind
EricHowton: Comin' for to carry me home....
ProfessorTom: at least now we are on the same page
ProfessorTom: Congratulations, sir!
ProfessorTom: where's the champaign to mark the occasion?

EricHowton: I want you to die.



Well, consensus shows that I was the only one who thought this was funny. Yes, I know what he was really asking, but I couldn't help myself.

And I apologize for freezing everyone's comments, but someone began systematically deleting their comments throwing the thread off.

Comments

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

EricHowton: No, he's never programmed anything more difficult than his VCR.
Do you know how difficult it is to program one of those fat bastards? I'll give you a hint: it's harder then it looks.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

As long as you have a basic concept of liner time, it's a cakewalk.