The Empirical Manifesto

Life has been overwhelmingly pervasive - it is seemingly everywhere - and choosing to face it does not come without its challenges. On good days, I am nothing short of magnificent. Less so on others. But then again, that's life. Had I time for introspection (and I don't) I might perceive things differently. Some days I am moving at the speed of Hammy, which is fantastic for getting shedloads of activities, both major and minor, accomplished. It also greatly increases my frustration level as everything around me is moving in slow-motion comparatively. Some days my carcass has risen from its slumber and I find myself propped up in front of my computer working with a cup of coffee in my hand before I'm conscious. If you think that sounds unsettling, you'd be right.

Change, being equally as pervasive as life, bombards every part of me. While I endeavor to maintain a modicum of unwavering behavior despite my many subtle, undulating moods (which can be explained more as a understanding and acceptance of that which eddies around me often entirely out of my control), some days I splay myself open allowing it to assault me while other days I am peeling it from me as if it were undesirable. Again, perspective and nothing more. There are things I struggle with, and things with which I do not struggle. Sometimes I get them confused. Or have already resolved them, but forgotten. Or not resolved them and thought I have. Or something changed. Something always changes. The adaptable survive.

A 15-year old girl on The Listserve said, concerning learning, "If you have that desire — that spark — to dedicate a minute, an hour, a day, or your life to learning, amazing things can and will change...this means immersing yourself in new situations, new places, new conversations, and new perspectives." Sometimes you immerse yourself, sometimes you are immersed without consent. The rules remain the same. Why would you behave differently in that immersion whether you were its architect or not? To what end?

It really is all just a balancing act. The well-adjusted know why (or at a minimum when) they are feeling a particular way, and understand that it will not last - that they will at some point feel differently. Patterns emerge over time and the well-adjusted can pick out triggers and responses. This makes even the roughest ride smoother, as we learn our emotional circumstances are temporary. Our mindset is temporary. Master this and you've mastered life. You become unflappable. And unflappable is power. It is mastery of self and circumstance. Not just an acceptance of our lot in life, but our control over it. Balance for the win. Reason will always, always, always prevail over irrationality.

Even when I'm frustrated, I'm reasonable. Its usually just a matter of energy levels with me. Sufficient reserves and I can more adeptly deal with external influences; emerging patterns. Admittedly energy is an elusive source at times. It teeters the fine line between physical and mental health. Testing different activities (or perhaps more importantly inactivities) to gauge effectiveness is paramount, otherwise you're just gambling - the first giant leap toward disappointment when things don't work out as you expect them to. Energy to me is an expendable and rechargeable resource from which I collate and assimilate data. There is much data coming in all the time, and with filters as broad as mine, I appear to myself as an enormous collector array. I would suppose, depending upon everyone's own set of diverse filters, that we each have vastly different arrays and thus each require differing amounts of energy at any given time. Excepting of course those who don't take in and/or process anything. I have no idea where all their energy goes. Probably through stewing. That would exhaust me.

The question of whether or not its been a stellar year depends upon what you choose to measure it by. For me, I have experienced another year of significant personal growth. What wouldn't I trade that for? I have been exposed to things, and understand things, in a much greater capacity than this time last year. I will use this knowledge to my advantage, now and in the future. So while some things fell apart, and other things were rebuilt, I think I would lament a year-end post which simply read, "This year, nothing changed."

FREEDOM
Today is my last day at work until January 4th, 2010.

Normally around this time of year I would cease contact with you all and hermetically seal myself in my house with a a bottle of absinthe and weeks of unceasingly decadent self-pleasure.

Hark, that is not to be.

I leave for Wichita the 10th returning the 13th and I work from home the 21st-23rd & 28th-30th. The rest is a mix of weekends, holidays and vacation. 30-full days of not coming into work. Ok, ok, I may drink just a little absinthe.

THE GREEN FAIRY
A word about absinthe.

drax0r and I lost our beloved "Anna Fine Wine & Spirits" in this poor economy. Our hearts go out to the owners of the store, as knowing them enriched our lives. So a huge Dallas chain http://www.goodygoody.com (check out the link to see our store on the front page) bought them out and have moved in.

We feel bad for the previous owners and miss them, but Goody Goody has some great prices, which makes us feel guilty. My new brand of Scotch is sold there, and they've dropped the price of Lucid to $58 a bottle.

KOREANS HAVE TINY FEET

It snowed. In Texas, in December. While it snows once, each year in Texas, rarely does it do so in December. In fact, I can;'t remember the last time it happened. I blame global warming.

At any rate, I finally got to wear my boots in the manner for which I intended: http://ehowton.livejournal.com/251338.html. Sadly, I was once again faced with a harrowing drive in, as those bulky things are not conducive to accelerating, braking, or shifting in the Tiburon. I thought I was going to die.

WARCRAFT III
My wife's biological father sent us all Target giftcards for Christmas this year. I'd been eyeballing Blizzard's Warcraft Battlechest, but as it was $40 and I've never played it, I pushed it to the peripheral. The giftcard more than covered the cost, and seeing how much my boy enjoyed Starcraft and not owning another RTS, I bought it.

Its amazing how much he likes it, how much he is learning (he plays the Night Elves exclusively), and how much I enjoy his pleasure. So we've been playing as much of that as we can fit in, and I bet a lot more once he's out of school over Christmas break ;)

Seeing how my 4-days off felt like 4-months, I'm hoping to really experience something post-apocalyptic for my 30-day run. I don't know how often I'll post, or how coherent I'll be, or if I'll even care, but ya'll have a Merry Christmas if that's your thing, and a Fantastic New Year!

And when the lamb had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I saw, and behold a green fairy: and the name that sat on her was ehowton, and Hell followed with him.

On the recommendation of one of my readers here, I watched The Weatherman with Nicolas Cage and Michael Caine. There were a lot of close ups of Nicolas Cage's face as he attempted to emote, and Michael Caine's role was almost non-existent. Only Drew Barrymore's visage on the cover of Scream was more misleading.

The Weatherman is one of those movies created for people who have no life, to be able, if only for an hour or so, to experience one. It is not a movie for those of us who have a wife, children, a job, a mortgage, two car payments, life insurance, living parents, etc. We LIVE the things daily that movies like this one try to recreate for those of you who don't. Movies like this do not entertain me because when I take time out of 'real life' to watch something like that, all I'm seeing is more 'real life.' And I'll tell you something I learned a long time ago - I'm far more entertaining than most everyone else I interact with. Most people are mopey, dull, uninteresting flotsam. They live their entire lives striving for something they never reach. Nicolas Cage's character in The Weatherman was similarly portrayed.

When photogoot and I were rooming together in the service, acquaintances were often bringing us people who had no personality, so that we could inspire them. I am not making this up! Like an orphanage, the doorbell would ring and we'd answer it only to find someone's personality-deficient friend on the doorstep, staring up at us with dewy eyes. YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

Recently, I've been reminded of my own responsibilities. They are to my family, and my family alone. While I certainly enjoy you all in your different ways, and relish in the interaction we have here, your emotional well-being is not my responsibility. Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?

Its been a hard week to get a hold of me. And since we're on the subject of prioritizing things in my life, a really poor example of a voice mail is one which states simply, "Call me."

I appreciate both your understanding and support. But if I can't have both, your support will suffice.

Taking care of you is causing me difficulty in being able to tend to those who see after me. And if I can't take care of myself, I will not be able to assist you. Turn my back on you? Not yet. We're not at that point. And as odd as this sounds, crowy put it best when she stated, "There is a difference between a problem and just plain drama. Problem: you had a bad day and need someone to talk to. Drama: every fucking day is a bad day..."

Bravo.

I've canceled all my public appearances for the rest of the month and am looking forward to a nice, quiet New Year's at home with those who matter the most to me. My family.

I wish all of you the most fantastic New Year you've ever experienced.