Responsibility

[ehowton]

On the recommendation of one of my readers here, I watched The Weatherman with Nicolas Cage and Michael Caine. There were a lot of close ups of Nicolas Cage's face as he attempted to emote, and Michael Caine's role was almost non-existent. Only Drew Barrymore's visage on the cover of Scream was more misleading.

The Weatherman is one of those movies created for people who have no life, to be able, if only for an hour or so, to experience one. It is not a movie for those of us who have a wife, children, a job, a mortgage, two car payments, life insurance, living parents, etc. We LIVE the things daily that movies like this one try to recreate for those of you who don't. Movies like this do not entertain me because when I take time out of 'real life' to watch something like that, all I'm seeing is more 'real life.' And I'll tell you something I learned a long time ago - I'm far more entertaining than most everyone else I interact with. Most people are mopey, dull, uninteresting flotsam. They live their entire lives striving for something they never reach. Nicolas Cage's character in The Weatherman was similarly portrayed.

When photogoot and I were rooming together in the service, acquaintances were often bringing us people who had no personality, so that we could inspire them. I am not making this up! Like an orphanage, the doorbell would ring and we'd answer it only to find someone's personality-deficient friend on the doorstep, staring up at us with dewy eyes. YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

Recently, I've been reminded of my own responsibilities. They are to my family, and my family alone. While I certainly enjoy you all in your different ways, and relish in the interaction we have here, your emotional well-being is not my responsibility. Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?

Its been a hard week to get a hold of me. And since we're on the subject of prioritizing things in my life, a really poor example of a voice mail is one which states simply, "Call me."

I appreciate both your understanding and support. But if I can't have both, your support will suffice.

Taking care of you is causing me difficulty in being able to tend to those who see after me. And if I can't take care of myself, I will not be able to assist you. Turn my back on you? Not yet. We're not at that point. And as odd as this sounds, crowy put it best when she stated, "There is a difference between a problem and just plain drama. Problem: you had a bad day and need someone to talk to. Drama: every fucking day is a bad day..."

Bravo.

I've canceled all my public appearances for the rest of the month and am looking forward to a nice, quiet New Year's at home with those who matter the most to me. My family.

I wish all of you the most fantastic New Year you've ever experienced.

Comments

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year to you also!

[texas-tangent.livejournal.com]

Bravo, Cheers and Congratulations! Well said and all that Jazz!


Happy New Year to you as well. I will be spending time at home with my family as well.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

Well said, I love you! So many are easily blind or even willfully blind to what you see. It takes work against entropy to maintain happiness with those who you love.

Here's to letting orphans find their own way in the new year.

*raising glass high in toast to you, Ladies L & P plus Mr. G.*

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

What makes one an "orphan"? How does one become a loved one instead?

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

That is a great question!

What makes one an orphan is, in fact, the orphan.

An orphan in the context of this post is a person who does not take responsibility for their own happiness but rather chooses to make their happiness dependent on action taken by another. In the context of this post "another" being the somewhat over taxed ehowton.

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

I've heard it's not easy being him! :)

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding me? We should all be so fortunate. :-)

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

A charmed life - wouldn't it be grand?!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

If you really think about it is not "life" in and of itself charmed?

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

Absolutely!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

Agreed!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

One becomes a "loved one" instead by first loving themselves.

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

Ah! A fine explanation. Thank you sir for it!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

And thank you for providing the opportunity to say it.

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

No thanks required! I really wanted to know.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

When ehowton wrote this post and then you proffered your question I experienced a moment of serendipity. The subjects here have very much to do with issues I have been thinking about a lot lately. Then recently I "accidentally" discovered a book which added tremendously to my thinking on these subjects. A bit exhausted from it all tonight I thought I would take in a little light reading on the Empirical Manifesto before going out. Then "serendipity", a perfect life example of ehowton applying in the real world the very things I have been postulating and theorizing about in my mind of late. And your question was the perfect platform for me to say out loud that I understand this and can share the understanding with my friends.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

It takes work against entropy to maintain happiness with those who you love.

That is one excellent quote!! :) It caught my eye because of "entropy." I deal with it quite a bit in chemistry - and bringing balance to everything is the mainstay of chemical equations.

It's just interesting seeing the word expressed in the balance of life... when all this time when I see the word - images of the constant Q come racing into my thoughts.

But aside from the vocabulary - the quote is just marvelous. You managed to say very easily and efficiently what so many would babble on about.

It's some much better than the old cliché "Relationships take work." No shit, when I think of that quote.

I know that was crude, but that overused quote just makes me ill.

Yours however - was eloquent with the English language. It titillates my poetic side, as I do so very much LOVE eloquence in languages. For what is poetry, if not eloquence defined? And since I'm also a chemistry major - the quote... well, it plays on both my humorous side and my poetic side.

And I think many people use LJ for showing their witty intelligence with language. That's what makes the convos so entertaining, humorous, and yes - enlightening.

Your sir, need to realize that eloquence is truly a gift. Not only can you capture images - you can write the best captions! I'm quite envious (the good kind) of your photo taking abilities. Perhaps someday... you can teach me a little of what you know. I would be most gracious.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

I actually have a long love of the word entropy. My first understanding of the term came in a high school chemistry class. My teacher described entropy as the movement of a system from order to disorder and that furthermore the universe, itself being the largest of all systems, was on a downward slope to a disordered state. You know big picture universal expansion and collapse… Big Bang theory stuff. The analogy she used to teach us the way entropy works in a system was to describe entropy at work in our bedrooms, our teenage bedrooms. She explained that when our parents forced us to clean them we added energy to organize our things. Then being good teenagers we eagerly let entropy go to work on the newly cleaned and organized room to return it to a disaster area. Entropy at work! It is only the addition of energy to a system which creates order against the force that is entropy. To this day whenever I am lazy or avoid doing something I think of my old high school room mate Entropy. ;-)

[time3.livejournal.com]

Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?

Oh, Elizabeth and I are very familiar with this. We have learned to set aside time to be together and to be as attentive as possible when the other is trying to communicate. At least, within reason as sometimes commitments come first.

I used to be more obsessive about computer work and chatting. These days I'm much more disconnected and hopefully well rounded as a result. I have made it a necessity to become involved with outdoorsy groups like AMC (http://www.outdoors.org/) for local day/night hikes. Also, my spirituality helps with this as it gets me out into nature on a regular basis.

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

"Recently, I've been reminded of my own responsibilities. They are to my family, and my family alone. While I certainly enjoy you all in your different ways, and relish in the interaction we have here, your emotional well-being is not my responsibility. Lately, my wife has felt cheated, as if my time were stolen away from her with all the phone calls, emails, text messages and instant messages. Those of you who are beholden to another know and understand the look. I get the look every single time my phone makes a noise. Perhaps its because I've been off all week that I see it too?"

Your referring here to schpydurx and galinda822 aren't you???

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

My impression is that the quoted paragraph applies to anyone with a place in his life. Regardless of who they apply to some will take the words more or less personally, others may not understand them at all. Either way it seems to me at this point ehowton is not so much interested in assigning a name or value to the level of another’s contribution to his current feelings. Rather he is making a statement that he is shouldering the responsibility for righting his own ship… so to speak.

My favorite quote from this post is I appreciate both your understanding and support. But if I can't have both, your support will suffice. And, I feel certain in predicting after schpydurx reads it we will see him re-use the quote in an awkward and clumsy attempt to seem cool and witty. The over under on my prediction is 14 days, I’ll take the under. ;-)

[catttitude.livejournal.com]

How unfortunate that you wish to name names - you were our #1 offender!

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

I must refute your classification of me as your #1 offender as it is basely and highly illogical.

Firstly, I send less emails than the two offenders on his friends list I named. This is easily proved by looking at the amount of comments posted which in turn generate e-mails.

schpydurx 3254 and galinda822 1074 compared to 1001 generated by myself.

Secondly, I don't do text messages and instant messages!!!

Having one hand makes it tiresome and time consuming to instant message and and I can't text because it is turned off on my cell phone!!!

Thirdly, if you pulled out cell phone records you would see that schpydurx and galinda822 make far more than me.

I will go weeks without calling!!!

I'm truly sorry that others disrupt your peace so much.

[catttitude.livejournal.com]

Hum, yes, however they do not call at night when we are having sex. Computer yes, phone calls no. hahaahh! Don't be so sensitive dude. You can have him when I'm done for the night.

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

If you promise not to recreate before 10:00 PM, I promise not to call after 10:00 PM!!!

[catttitude.livejournal.com]

Sorry man, I like it all day long.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

This sounds strangely familiar to a post I made quite a few moons ago. I can say that - "I truly understand."

YOU CANNOT INSPIRE SOMEONE WHO LACKS SELF-MOTIVATION.

I've mentioned this fact once or twice or perhaps more. This arena I understand so well - I don't want to be able to empathize. I too have had so many who want in my life because in some way - my happiness is like a magnet that I compare to a bright light for bugs. Because that is what the light I have seems to attract. Somebody extremely annoying that I just want to squash with a flyswatter.

Are we being too egotistical stating this? Do we think we are any better? It's a question I've had to ask myself, and I want to humble myself to not seem as though I am any better... I'm just happy!!

Being a happy person - it does have a specific glow that does attract many. And, in some cases - people outright just despise me - without even knowing me at all. They sum me up with one meeting - and like lightening, they start stabbing me in the back every chance they get. What did I do to offend or cause such despicable behavior!? They hate me because I can find joy wherever I go and whatever I'm doing. Are they just so pissed off that I should be miserable like them... and because I choose to be happy - I must be taken down... beaten into their miserable existence.

I'm totally in agreement with you here, my friend. I know not of many with whom I can share this blessing and curse... which it truly seems to be.

Enjoy your life - enjoy your wife! That's what I say to Lena... and I will admit, it does put a wonderful smile on her face when I say those words. She likes to feel as though she were the most special person in my life. And of course - she is, no doubt.

I know I'm not one who could possibly be a "bug" to your light. Actually, I think together - our lights shine even brighter and more brilliantly than alone. For that - it's always a pleasure to be in your company. You don't such the life out of me - and I don't you. We do give, but I know the giving is willful and it's a positive gain for the both of us.

It's nice to have an awesome friend who can recharge my batteries - not drain them.

Go forth my friend, enjoy your holiday with your beloved family. We plan to spend the last day of this year ALONE - just our nuclear family... the three of us. Well, we are all a little under the weather, so it's right that we don't want to go out and make our friends ill. I do have some friends that I would love to spend my time sharing the New Year - but we're going to be at home.

I've babbled just a bit, but I know you can extrapolate the true intent of this post. Sorry for rambling a bit - I just wanted to make my feelings clear.

I know I have done so. As always - it's been a pleasure.

-Your humble servant, and assured friend...

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

This! This is exactly what I like about LJ. It is so interesting and refreshing when someone can communicate an idea so clearly.

The following statement and question you posed was of particular interest to me.

"my happiness is like a magnet that I compare to a bright light for bugs. Because that is what the light I have seems to attract. Somebody extremely annoying that I just want to squash with a flyswatter.

Are we being too egotistical stating this? Do we think we are any better? It's a question I've had to ask myself, and I want to humble myself to not seem as though I am any better... I'm just happy!! "

I think when people are confronted with happiness, love, or grace in another they can have one or more of many reactions to it. In the case of a "bug" or someone who as you said despises what they see in you (the happiness, love, or grace of another), I believe what is happening for them is a fear of facing the barriers to receiving and experiencing love or grace in their own lives. I do not believe most people are consciously trying to beat others down however this action is how their fear of their own existence manifests itself, by beating others down. There are the rare few who do it purposefully, and they are evil of this I have no doubt.

I do not think making the statements you have made are egotistical at all or that you elevate yourself above others to their detriment. Placing boundaries on the behavior one will accept from others, particularly people reacting in a non positive way when exposed to happiness, love, or grace is a necessary and healthy way to be in the world. If we pass nothing else on to our children and peers at least let us pass that on to them, for I believe that is the road less traveled, and it can make all the difference.

You sir do have a light that draws others in, I saw it immediately when I met you earlier this month. The pleasure of our introduction was all mine. Have a great New Year, and I wish you and your family all the best.

Take care.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is what I love about LJ too. That was a wonderful expose of my post. You clearly saw the meaning - and you were able to catch the moment and run farther with it.

Thank you - those were the words that I kept searching for when writing my post, but ah, well... let's call it writer's block. And just perhaps you are just well suited at seeing something for what it is - and taking it to the needed next level.

When I mentioned being stabbed in the back - yeah, I considered those acts deliberate. People I meet for the first time - and the next day they're trying to sabotage me. It's crazy, I know, and many people might not believe me - but it's like I can actual feel what they are feeling and thinking.

Of course, when people dislike someone or something so much - it's not too difficult to notice. Are they evil? I think they have some darkness in them, but I have such a bright light because I came from the pit of hell myself. If they want to see a dark side - they just need ask and I can bring them their own worst nightmares.

But I don't do that. I don't like being that way. It was once a way to survive - but that world is long gone. Thank goodness.

Thanks for the good review. It's nice to know we can pass on that happiness, grace, and love to our peers and friends. And thank you sir, for the compliment. Your light too does shine very bright - however, I think unlike myself - you can choose when to turn it on or off. Mine does not come with a light switch. But then again... my light needs to always shine - I'm truly afraid of the dark!

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

"Your light too does shine very bright - however, I think unlike myself - you can choose when to turn it on or off. Mine does not come with a light switch. But then again... my light needs to always shine - I'm truly afraid of the dark!"

Thank you, that is an astute observation of me and a complimentary analogy; however may I suggest that rather than it being a light switch for me it is that I am perhaps opposite of you and am afraid of the “light”. By this I mean it takes a tremendous amount of energy and will to emit the kind of “light” which produces the positive attraction we have been discussing here. I dabble with it this is true enough but at times I find myself not willing or capable of truly making the effort; Then our ever present friend entropy enters the picture, and over time as you well know entropies job is the decay of order. In the case of this discussion order is the energy and will we put into our relationships in opposition to stagnation and decay. Neither path is an easy one; however choosing to exert the energy against entropy is likely why we exist. My goal is to become afraid of the dark as well, it is the noblest path.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

I've been really putting some thought into what you said. And depending on the amount of entropy involved - it takes a great expenditure of energy to resist what nature whats to seek out as a regular balance.

I've seen people burn so much energy - pushing against the tide... and going nowhere.

One needs to harness all their energy, power, and focus those into the thoughts needed to find their own way across the universe.

I know it's ok to spend some energy going down one road - trying to reach the final destination. However, if one discovers they've taken the wrong road (journey), there is always a byway to get back onto the main highway of life and keep going in the needed direction. And not all wrong roads are a waste of energy. For as much as one takes a side road away from the main highway, at least they made some distance toward their goal. They just need simply to take a back road that leads them back to where they need to be. The journey is therefore not wasted - but new roads are discovered in the process, and who knows? Maybe the wrong road might just turn out to be a secret shortcut? I know there are plenty around here that nobody knows about. We travel them because there is less traffic involved - therefore, we don't burn as much energy by taking the main road - but we still get to our destination more quickly and with better efficiency.

As for turning on the light - yeah, well... I've had my light go out and I've seen the darkness. It's frightening for me, my family, and friends. So, I need my light to be a constant beacon not only for myself, but for those who love me - I'm a lighthouse guarding against dangerous reefs that might wreck their own ship during their own journey. It makes me feel good to be such a beacon. And, for my own good - I need to keep the light on... for without a light to guide us, the darkness becomes chaos - and that is a dangerous place to find oneself... lost in darkness.

Thank goodness for our other friends who also have the beacon turned on. It guides me as I guide them. At least - I hope they see it that way.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

As I read & re-read what you have said here one word keeps coming into my mind.

Optimism

I think the gauge of a persons character is how one manages assaults to the natural optimism humans are endowed with.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

That is a good word. It speaks volumes about ones character - and persona.

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

oh - and a Happy New Year to you and yours!!

[ex-crowy.livejournal.com]

You seem shocked that I am quote worthy, Mr. Howton. :)

Happy New Year to you and yours.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

I for one was not shocked he deemed you quote worthy. You are hardly one for wishy washy statements, and aren't direct words given with passion the best quotes?

Here here to keeping the drama mafia at bay next year!

[ex-crowy.livejournal.com]

He did state he was not shocked I am quote worthy, but that I actually posted and he was able to quote me. :)

Thank you kindly, Sir. If nothing else, I do have passion.

Hopefully, the drama mafia will stay far, far away from me. I may get stabby soon. :)

[leonardii.livejournal.com]

Hey - that was a good quote. Makes good sense too. Very quote-worthy! :)

[ex-crowy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Sir. :)

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

We'll deal with the last things first and the first things last.

Firstly (or would that be lastly) since your authorship of this post, I have not endeavored to contact you in any way. This includes not leaving you comments so that you don't get the automated email from Live Journal. So not only do you have my support, you also have my full understanding and empathy as I go above and beyond the call of duty. As, however, a new month is upon us, ergo, your timeframe of seclusion is over.

Now then, I don't require inspiration to do what I want to do. Oh, sure, I need to be inspired so that I'll have a story to write a script, but that's not the kind of inspiration we're talking about here. I fully agree that I lack self-motivation, but for all the right reasons.

You see, as I have previously explained I cannot just uproot myself and go to where the film/video action is without serious financial repercussions. Furthermore, I don't have the necessary skill set to show up and get a so-called "real" (read "high paying") job; I have yet to learn how to be my own DP, hence the strong desire to start with still photography and then make the transition into motion photography.

I'm sure you'll agree with Limbaugh when he says "most limitation are self-imposed." One could argue that I have boxed myself into thinking that unless I have the funds I shouldn't get into film. As I have just made the argument that until I have some money or mad skillz to speak of I cannot argue this point, thus I concede that in my own way I lack self-motivation. Hell, I haven't even actively sought out any project in my area. (That may be due to the fact that there are no projects in my area.)

Finally, I will out myself and 'fess up to being the one who not only recommended The Weatherman but also was the one who gave you the DVD from my own personal collection. I have only just recently put together the fact that when it comes to movies you prefer instant gratification rather than something that you have to keep turning over and over in order to gain proper perspective and deeper insight. Had I recognized this before I journey to Texas, I would have brought you a Three Stooges collection.

There are many reasons that I like this movie. Perhaps the lasting reason (thought I don't think about it these days) is that the movie's release date got pushed something like three times and I all I had to go on was the trailer. It then played for two weeks in town and left with no word on a DVD release. Aside from The Fountain, this is the only movie that I have ever downloaded in the theater to home release interim.

I find it very quotable. You're a champion asshole. A real blue ribbon fuck! (I would go on, but as we are the only two who would appreciate them, I will stop at this. Please let me know if you want an exhaustive list. I am sure, however, that your favorite two quotes in the movie were I like eating pussy and To get anything of value you have to sacrifice. Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. "Easy" doesn't enter into grown-up life.

I also liked the camera work and the general cinematography. I'm a suck for blue "duotones". To me, what was so fascinating about the story was here was a guy who had a life that most envied, yet he was the most clueless person on the planet. I appreciated Robert's wisdom. He knew that if he attempted to correct the flaws that David would reject the correction, so instead Robert waited with open arms for David to say "Dad, I need your help." But this thought never crossed David's mind.

I remember being really ticked off at the end of the movie because I thought that it was highly irresponsible of the filmmakers to make a movie where there wasn't some correction or attempt to be responsible and say "hey, if only this selfish stupid fuck would do X all of his problems would vanish." The more I thought about the story, the more I got what was being communicated. Sad really. I consider this movie to be a warning. Too many people who see it will miss the message entirely.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

You missed the point! Loquacious asshole.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Which point are you pointing to that I presumably passed over?

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

Perhaps 18 months from now, while "back reading", you will cull the point out of what has already been provided.

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the clarification given that there are so many points on the table. Your insight was...illuminating.

[photogoot.livejournal.com]

There is only one point. You missed it. Nothing illuminating or insightful was offered. I simply made a statement to you.

[glodowg.livejournal.com]

I too only saw (read) one point in this post. Read the whole instead of breaking it down. Often the meaning is lost in the details. Did you skip the class on subtly? It is an excellent skill to acquire for film making.