The Empirical Manifesto

Originally posted by pro_ts_tumblr at the-barricades-shall-rise:

thelogicofstupid:

Playing that race...

http://politics.professortom.net/post/81461890955

the-barricades-shall-rise:

thelogicofstupid:

Playing that race card…

It is perplexing to me, how liberals can be so blind to hypocrisies such as this.

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ehowton says:

While it would be hypocritical to state hypocrisy "such as this" outweighs the hypocrisy of this very image, which as far as I can tell from a little "elementary-level fact-checking" the difference was the Obama-clown's inappropriate comments rather than the inclusion of the mask - something presumably missing from the Bush-clown (as it appears to have been only an effigy) and Black-clown-wears-Hilary-Clinton-mask...clown - I wouldn't know as I wasn't at any of the depicted events. But if factual, might suggest two camps of hypocrites philosophically debating which of them was more hypocritical than the other - as if it were actually significant (its not).

But I don't care about the obvious. This rubber President mask thing reminded me of the recent outcry over ET's Julianne Hough dressing as her favorite Orange is the new Black character for Halloween (which some found offensive) or the promo shots for Nick Cannon's new release, "White People Party Music" (which others found offensive). Reading through the droves of comments on the respective stories were eye-opening; patterns emerged. What I found particularly interesting (not perplexing) was the diversity in the offense taken:

Some were offended by one and not the other, others were offended by both, and some were offended by neither - and everyone was offended (or not offended) for different reasons to the degree that people who were offended were making some of the same arguments as those who were not, and those who weren't offended were not offended for some of the reasons those who were, were. Others on both sides cited completely independent reasons from others who were also either, or not, offended.

Schism began breaking out in the camps of those who were offended if they were perceived as being offended for the wrong reason - because being offended wasn't universal enough - and those who were grouped together as having not been offended were also called out for not being offended for the right reasons. Toward the end, those who were offended for the same reasons as those who weren't were trying to convince them they ought to be while simultaneously shunning those who were likewise offended but for the wrong reason, while those who were not offended were cajoling those who were but for reasons they shouldn't to their side all the while suggesting some of those who also were not offended probably should be.

(Don't think that wasn't tricky to write.)

Just because someone has a different opinion doesn't necessarily make them wrong, but opinions based upon ignorance denotes the very word. Regardless, almost everyone who gets offended has an opinion as to why their offense is justified - wrong or not. But why tell people you're offended?

"That offends me."

Stephen Fry is credited with the best response to date, "So fucking what?" which is admittedly always hysterical - until it happens to us - then its Issac Hayes v. Southpark all over again - suddenly and inexplicably not funny! So why tell anyone? Why admit to it?

More pointedly, what would I gain by admitting to someone I was offended? Good question, really - and I would love to dig into that question with someone who isn't me someday. My point was going to be something along the lines of never giving anyone else power over my emotions in such a way I could be manipulated - any argument to the contrary would still end with handing my emotional control over to someone else (fantastic in loving, secure relationships; not so healthy anytime else). So that's something I wouldn't do, right? Admit offense?

The question was meant to be rhetorical, but as soon as I penned it, I wondered if anyone would try to answer it - to justify themselves. I began formulating answers in a myriad of different perspectives; with most of you I've had these life-altering conversations with and we're all very different people and its all so fascinating - then suddenly, it popped out at me - the different answers I had written throughout synthesized into a single underlying reason - while each answer was seemingly diverse and varied from the next, they all contained a single motivating factor driving them: Purpose.

Since we define ourselves by what we believe (and existential questions are scary), suppressing offense calls into question our commitment to those immutable, ironclad beliefs - and we are therefore compelled to validate them to those who have trod upon them, else our very purpose in life becomes suspect.

Truth be damned.

My son and his friends were attempting to plan the next day's event when one of the friends announced his cousin would be coming over for a visit and was unsure he'd be able to participate. My son gregariously suggested he simply bring the cousin, the reply to which was, "My cousin has these sensitivities which offend him and I don't think it would be a good idea." Discussion ensued as to the depths of these sensitivities, followed by what could be done to mitigate them.

I posed a question difficult for most adults to comprehend, let alone a group of teenagers - Has he tried not being offended? Being offended does not entitle him to special privilege; should everyone in the group change their behavior to account for his sensitivity, or should he manage his own behavior by not allowing himself to become offended? Who should be held more accountable for the offense?

I have this crazy thought that if I can plant these ideas in my children at an early age, they'll have a much easier time as adults. We as a species are far too diverse to not innocuously offend someone, at sometime - I know I've lost too many friends over having offended them. How? When you start communicating less - in hopes to not offend again - that friendship has a tendency to die on the vine as communication is the root of most relationships. You can win the battle but lose the war time and time again when you start protecting someone's fragile ego. So much better (and easier, and more sustainable, and less problematic) to simply not take offense. In fact my most fulfilling relationships are those to whom I can communicate unequivocally with - they are slow to offense and eager to actively ensure my motivation correctly prior to their responses, as I would do unto them. The rest, by nature, simply become less relevant over time.

Unfortunately, I was later notified by the mother of one of the friends that my son had offended her son, and could I ask mine to minimize his offending behavior, because hers has certain sensitivities. As I attempted to relate the above conversation I'd already had with both the boys (awkwardly via text messaging), I decided the defining difference was intent. If my son had intended to offend the boy, that's on him, and I would do my best. If he didn't mean to offend the boy, however...Who should be held more accountable for the offense?

How we see ourselves may differ from how we present ourselves to others. In new introductions for example, I tend to limit myself to socially-accepted norms rather than potentially alienating verbiage. I think most of us who understand causality do.

Over time, however, nothing can unmask our true selves more than behavior - let's face it, many people (myself included) can be quite adept at erroneous self-deception. This is a good thing when we're trying to improve ourselves, as it allows us to squeeze into an alter-ego. It can be a negative thing when we say one thing and totally do the opposite. Where does that come from? Projection? I don't know.

When there is no evidence, the thing that you think someone else is doing is the very thing that you would, or are, doing yourself. Your thoughts come from you not someone else. If you think someone is doing something wrong, and there's no reason for you to think that way, you are the person who came up with the possibility.

I believe I am an information sponge who is almost always wrong about everything I think I know. I get excited when I discover some new way of looking at a situation. But is this just some shit that I say while I'm wrapped up in egotistical self-deception? Am I really a close-minded, "my way or the highway" bigot who says I understand different points of view but secretly believes I am right about everything all the time?

Let's find out!

Recently, someone told me my opinion of a situation was, "limited." Fascinated, I replied, "Explain." I questioned what the other opinions were to expand my own way of thinking - to consider possibilities I was not aware of. As outrageous as this may sound, some people have had different experiences than I have had; they've learned different lessons - perhaps they've drawn different conclusions? And anything which can expand my limited perspective is knowledge - perhaps what I learn from a different perspective I can apply elsewhere in other scenarios?

In short, my behavior followed my belief.

Much later, I mentioned to someone else that I thought their point of view was, (you guessed it) "limited." Much to my chagrin, they replied something along the lines of, Its very rude of you to call me stupid.

I wonder what self-belief that behavior predicates?

As you can imagine, I was shocked. Because now I had to defend myself of something I never intended to intone. And when someone who gets offended that easily thinks you've just called them stupid, the same broken "thinky" mechanism in their head that allows for easy offense, also stops processing logic. Nothing I could say from that point forward would ever change their mind. They were going to believe what they believed. Once again, "...[if] there's no reason for you to think that way, you are the person who came up with the possibility."

I've been thinking a lot about drama. Specifically, what causes it. Practically, what you can do to alleviate it. Perhaps more importantly, how to identify it! Because once you know which beast you're dealing with, the proper sequence of events can be followed.

Few of us sadly ever get the opportunity to face our accusers directly - we have to rely on hearsay - and for anyone who's ever played the childhood game Secret (where kids sitting in a circle whisper something to the person adjacent them in turn until it comes back around entirely devoid of anything resembling the originating statement) knows how any reply you make to a third-party will undoubtedly be misconstrued.

Despite knowing this, many adults continue to play the game. And they play it very, very well. And by well of course I mean poorly, because everyone except those playing know that it always gets worse - never better.

You can easily identify a drama king/queen by one of the following statements: "I don't usually talk about people, but...", "I hate to repeat anything, but..." or the self-fulfilling ubiquitous, "I hate drama, but..." Once you'll see the pattern you'll soon realize - even if they do not - they they are ALWAYS talking about people, repeating things, or seemingly embroiled in - yes, drama! Its the, "buts" which define their behavior.

I am many things. Not all of them flattering. Nonetheless, if my inadequacies become an issue or have caused a problem and someone points it out to me I immediately respond defensively and start justifying my actions.

No, wait. That's what other people do. I simply acknowledge their concerns and admit my shortcomings, as I am aware they exist. I know when I am trying to justify my actions and when I've made an honest mistake. I will readily admit to anyone which is which. Those who revel in drama will always doubt good intentions and always assume they're a target. Always. But this is a learned response and absolutely can be unlearned. That being said, some people go a lifetime with the knowledge that they were fucked over once, and despite a near-perfect existence since then, are always "at the ready" on the outside chance they're going to get fucked over again. What kind of life choice is that?

I myself am not immune! Just like men who wear dress shoes with bluejeans or the guy I passed in the hall today who I know nothing about save this - that he is a union worker - something which colors my opinion of him; I too, struggle. But struggling is at least an acknowledgement that an issue exists, and can therefore be overcome. The trick is to keep that shit to yourself - though admittedly some feel that not gossiping or whatnot is akin to repression. Drama is not healthy self-expression and falls outside the scope of this entry - seek professional help.

This now is the part for the lovely anakngtinapa who found herself unknowingly offending people by using previously politically-correct phrases which later fell out of favor. As an aside, who can keep up with what is and is no longer politically correct? But back to her, it all goes back to drama. I'm beginning to understand that if you feel a certain way about something, or hold an opinion about anything, you're basically limiting the course of your life forever by not opening yourself of to that which may run contrary to it. And given that most opinions are not based on facts-at-the-time and/or personal experiences, limiting any action based on opinion without considering that which is subject to change is not very life-enriching.

Couple this with the fact that people are going to believe whatever they want to, up to and including ignoring facts or changing reality to fit their world view all the while refusing to believe anything anyone ever says contrary to their opinions is not a personal attack on them, what can you do?

Because you know you cannot please all of the people all of the time, its simple: Do whatever the hell you think is right. If you're going to piss off somebody regardless of your actions, make sure you can live with yourself and defend your own actions according to your code - no one else's. Nothing is going to change their reaction anyway. Far too many people are far too concerned about far too many things. I have enough to worry about myself without worrying about what other people say or do.

So go out and enjoy YOUR life, the way YOU see fit. Remember the one-rule in doing so - do not harm others. And I'm not talking about someone else choosing to be hurt by your innocuous actions - that's a choice; If you can take personal responsibility for your own feelings, so then, should they.

Peace.