The Long Arm of the Law

[ehowton]

Sometimes, and I don't know why...I feel like laws just don't apply to me. And I'm not just talking the Law of Man. Sometimes it feels as if even the Laws of Nature (i.e. gravity) or the Laws of God are also not applicable to me. I don't know why. Is that an ego-complex? Most of my life I've been described as a snob, but never egotistical. The hard part about putting this in writing, is that in the past when I've done so, I've regretted it almost immediately. Something knocks me down a notch. A speeding ticket, or an accident, or an illness, or a regret. Something which can traverse each of the Laws I feel don't apply to come smacking me in the face. Also, it feels a bit blasphemous to feel this way. I'm not special.

I think I was feeling all this because they played 'Flashdance' on the radio this morning and it's been so many, many years since I've heard it. How odd.

Talked to my old roommate in the Air Force last night for the first time in about seven months. It was a bittersweet reunion. We shared good news, and he had some bad news. What could possibly come from this bad news? After I relayed the news to my wife, she reminded me of a story I had once told her about the two of us. We were learning to kayak back in '93...

After watching our requisite training video, required to check out kayaks from the Air Force base, and a day in a still lake practicing maneuvoring them, we set out on our grand adventure. We hit the Appomattox River and were in our gear and in the water right at the first light of dawn. We dressed for full rapids just in case - a skirt over the cockpit, and crash helmets; along with backpacks filled with essentials for the day. The first part of the river was calm and beautiful. We dailied quite a bit enjoying the quiet awakening of nature with the coming of the morning. Deer staring at us from the banks. Despite this gorgeous morning, my companion was getting incresingly irritated, more and more angry as the day wore on. Occationally he would just grab his head and scream aloud in frustration. Not only was this annoying, it was wearing on my nerves. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I would ask. Usually, the reply, at the top of his lungs was, "I DON'T KNOW!"

Later, we broke for breakfast. We found a little island of sorts at a wide spot in the river and stopped there to eat, pulling our boats ashore. "AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!" my friend yells. "IS YOUR HEAD KILLING YOU?" he screams at me.
"Uh...no." I reply.
"I DON"T KNOW WHY I'M SO ANGRY!" he yells.
We store the oars in the kayaks, shrug off our backpacks, and remove our helmets. I hear a sigh of relief. He's staring into his helment. "What size is your helment?" He asks, perplexed.
I peer into mine. "Large."
"Mine says Small. No wonder I'm so angry! This thing has been squeezing my head!" He pauses for a moment and says, "Don't you have a smaller head than I do?"
I think back to our Battle Dress Uniform caps back at the apartment, and the tags inside. "Yeah, by like nearly half an inch." I tell him.
"Can we trade helments?"
"Sure."

....he was calm the rest of the trip.

Comments

[dentin.livejournal.com]

Stupid as it sounds, the 'laws don't apply to me' thing reminds me of DragonBall Z. Most sci-fi and anime I can come up with some twisted laws of physics or godtech that could produce the displayed results; with DBZ you pretty much have to just say the rules don't apply. Teenagers (boys in particular) typically feel overly constrained by rules, so perhaps that's why DBZ is so popular with that crowd.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that I occasionally have DBZ style dreams, where I'm one of the guys the laws don't apply to. It's really fun. Really, really fun. When was the last time you punched a twelve foot crater into the ground for the fun of it? It's like having your own ten million dollar CGI budget for everything you do.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Now there's something to think about. Perhaps I'm feeling overly constrained by rules. In my position, its a plausible explanation. My boy watches DragonBall Z infrequently. Perhaps I'll join him one afternoon. SomeBritInMass discounted my being a snob in favor of being elitist. Is that possible? My father often has dreams he can fly. He tells me that is because he has an unmitigated ego. Nonetheless, he greatly enjoys his flying dreams, much as it sounds you enjoy yours. LOVED the CGI analogy!

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

I loved the CG analogy too.

[danzigfried.livejournal.com]

How is it that you can take such an arcane story, obscure and meatless and turn it into an adventure of satisfying fullfillment? Truly you possess a gift. ...you are a special, special man, Guantanamo.

Even the softest breeze, whispering through your mandibular follicles on an even missouri morn, would bring forth such an utterance of momentous prose as to make a common man, nay, a lesser man weep with sheer joy and unbridled passion in its declaration.

Weep. Weep! ..for thou hast been witness to and toiled in the presence of greatness...GREATNESS!

Woe to be the simpleton, relegated to lower environmental portals than he, such as never to witness the completion of ones soul through spontaneous correspondence, both of natural and unnatural means!

Mankind shall ever hope and dream of the day when each, padawan and peer, are smote by thy sovereign hand for our technical transgressions and impetuousness. Glory shall be seen and known by all on that day of come-uppance. Take pride, my teacher and friend on this day, and know that thou is loved, and have created many wonderous things.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

My mandibular follicles notwithstanding (with or without an even Missouri morn breeze), I appreciate both your compliments, and the eloquent manner in which they were imparted. Truly sir it is you, not I, which has blessed with this gift. Thank you.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Still one of my all-time favorites.

small head?

[unixwolf.livejournal.com]

There is just something funny about to airforce guys comparing heads...

Re: small head?

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Perhaps its the fact that you were in the Army, and instead of the size of your camouflaged hat being indicated in inches, there were cartoons sewn in to show size? LOL - Service rivalry! Or its just something my unusually smallish head cannot comprehend. Nonetheless, I'm glad someone of your extraordinary cranial capacity could appreciate the humor :)