Thirteen years ago I expounded on blame (and fault) being unsustainable as a coping mechanism. Today I'd like to delve further into how blame (and fault) keep us exactly where we are, without the possibility of growth, and by extension, healing. I haven't re-read my 2012 treatise on blame, so there may or may not be some overlap here.
None of us are ever blameless. Not really. But just as we can't arbitrarily assign blame to other people for when we feel we've been wronged, neither can we blindly accept blame which is not ours - whether to deescalate a situation, or to truly accept responsibility - the assignment of blame or accepting blame in and of itself isn't helpful; we need to root out the underlying motivations and/or triggers for our behavior and own those instead. If we're capable of introspection we should eventually be able to find it, and articulate it to ourselves and others. Saying we accept the blame without understanding why - the part others may have played or our own unrecognized motivations does nothing - its surface. Equally, mature adult people who childishly point and blame others without any comprehension of their own unmet expectations are doomed to repeat their cycle forever. Because they have not grown. They have not identified within themselves that which manifests itself as actions, attitude, and behaviors ultimately commanding the Fates to execute their smooth-brained ideas to the letter unaware of how causation works.
And since we're on the subject, we're adults, yes? So please explain to me why people seemingly refuse to simply state, "I don't wish to do this anymore." I mean, at a minimum I can understand that. Do I ever get that? Nope. Instead I get, "Here's some ultimatums, and all the reasons why everything is your fault."
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