FAILURE

Struggle Bus

I'm struggling today with letting you go; fighting it in fact. Peace can not exist where there is conflict, and there is much conflict. Knowing I need to let you go - that you want me to let you go - but my heart will not let me.

I have a date next week. Yes, with someone, "more well suited" as she is self-actualized which means we won't have any of the issues with which you and I struggle. But its empty. Meaningless. And surely we'll have entirely new, different struggles. A lack of struggles a relationship does not make. Rather a willingness and desire to be with the one who makes you feel alive.

Peace

I was thinking about peace today - I saw a quote recently which mentioned something along the lines of peace being unobtainable as long as there is conflict. And while quelling that conflict can bring peace, it got me started thinking about longing again - that which is attributed to those outpourings of creativity. That tracks with my own cycle as well as I rarely write when I'm at peace - what is there to say? Yet something about that bittersweet feeling when you know you are destined for so much more but haven't yet reached the goal which fires the synapses and seeks an outlet. Yet often the very thing we may reach out to can simultaneously be the source of that conflict; we approach it regardless. Do we think it will somehow be different this time? Or have we changed perspective in our approach? Would it matter? I was thinking about what you said the other night that the reason I hold myself to a higher standard than others is because I do not love the part of myself which expects more; my past failures. I can understand the concept, and surely some part of that is no doubt accurate for us all, but is it truth? Or simply another part of the whole worth examining?