WEEKEND REPORT

Spent the weekend with my daughter. She was glad to finally have me in, "her space" as she put it. She met me at the door with a bottle of chilled champagne, something we'd joked about previously I'd completely forgotten; well played. As we visited that first evening, we stumbled upon a common theme - our "circle" is shrinking - those we trust enough in which to be vulnerable. She's my last holdout - my sole safe space. Which adds complexity as she is indeed my daughter, and I'd rather spare her that responsibility. There are others I can reach out to, but I'd have to catch them up, as many of them have not interacted with me for a long while, they're unaware of the innumerous updates to my worldview, and how much old me is no longer applicable.

But even she is not without her limitations. My leaving for New Mexico triggered something, and she spent a full month near breakdown. After much introspection, she concluded she craved my approval, and that it was the result of unresolved trauma from my first divorce. This led her to wonder if she craved approval from others as well. During this period she was also still reeling from Dorian's non-communication with her. Thankfully, that appears to have been resolved. Awkwardly, despite her warm feelings toward Cass, she could not discuss my relationship with her, so that was off the table. It was also super weird slowing my communication with the ENFJ while I was there.

During our conversations, she told me I was a people pleaser. This didn't make any sense to me, but Geekfriend believes that about me, and Cass told me it tracked because I was a caregiver and most caregivers are. I thought on that the remainder of the weekend, but at one point Parker told me she may have been projecting as that was the conclusion she came to about herself. Unless something more pressing comes up between now and Friday, I'll mention it to Tess during next session.

She made mushroom risotto and these wonderful blueberry cream cheese bars which were to die for. I ate really well the whole weekend, and while we had dinner out planned, it rained all weekend so we played Minecraft and pretty much vegged the entire time, spending nearly an entire day watching Rick & Morty.

Indigo 2

Got home from Parker's and with the time change and mimosas, passed tf out at 2000 hours after a hot shower, sleeping 8-hours, awaking once.

Dreamed Dorian's little yellow car was a very early model Esprit...with gulwing doors. It was a lot of fun to drive (and I had a few close calls) but that didn't seem to bother Dorian who was in the passenger seat. Both kids were in the back. It didn't dawn on me until I awoke that the Esprit didn't have back seats. All four of us were having a nice time, but of course there was the usual maze of shopping malls and strip malls, narrow streets in which to navigate in the Lotus, and heavy, closed double-doors in which to first open before I could drive through.

Second dream I was at the plant, but it was less cubicles and more open workspaces. At one point an acquaintance had found a couple of SGI Indigo 2 workstations which had been retired. I got one and he got the other. I was thrilled to install an operating system on them. At first I was going to install Irix, but then decided Slackware would be a better option, able to utilize the older hardware. His was brand new and unused. When we cracked the case to see what was inside, we discovered none of the internal components were even connected - they were still in their clear plastic bags. I told him I would help him as he was a Windows admin and had no experience with building out unix systems. I was hoping he wasn't planning on installing Windows on the box.