2024 - TWENTIETH SESSION

Told Tess I had written up last season's notes, and sent them to Cass at her request, and that I would no longer be pursuing her. Tess asked, "How'd she respond to that?" I replied, "Honestly? She seemed relieved."

"And how are you feeling about that?"

"I'm processing."

"You've been pursuing her a long time."

"Yes."

Told her I met a self-actualized ENFJ. Tess was, "Like, an actual female?" (Ha!) Then she started digging into why I believed she was self-actualized, all the time reminding me people can say anything they wish. "Yes, well obviously I will compare her words to her actions, attitude, and behavior," (Tess is nodding) "...but there is nothing which suggests she isn't; I became aware of the possibility through our interactions. I don't know her well enough to ascertain that for myself, but she has so many of the traits I finally just asked her."

"And what did she say?" I quoted her precisely, "Humbly, yes." It was the inclusion of the word humbly which sold Tess it appeared - she seemed impressed (I am a lot of things but, "humble" would probably not be anyone's first descriptor of me.) She wanted to know her name. She wanted to know where she lived. She wanted to know how I met her. She wanted to know if I had any concerns. I took a moment and replied:

"I am concerned I will form an emotional attachment too quickly, I am concerned I won't form an emotional attachment at all, I am concerned the emotional attachment I am trying to sever from Cass will somehow thwart my efforts, and I'm concerned about hurting [ENFJ] because of my concerns."

"Don't you think anyone starting out in a new relationship has these same concerns?"

"Not in my experience, no. They seemingly just want to get laid and have a good time without any introspection whatsoever. Emotional connection isn't even on their radar."

"Well...again, you're an outlier. I assume [ENFJ] knows about Cass?"

"She does not."

"Why not?"

"I was laying in bed last night thinking all the things I wish to know about her journey which led her to where she is, and I want to share my own journey with her, but discovered I'm not in a hurry. I don't need to know these things right away; they are unimportant right now."

"What is important right now?"

"Interaction."

"Does she challenge you as Cass does?"

"She does not. Not yet at least."

"Is that going to be a problem?"

"It would be, yes. But she has a very different skill set than I, different knowledge. I've known Cass for years. [ENFJ] and I are on Day 4."

"What does she do for a living."

(Heavy sigh...) "She's a...massage therapist."

(Quizzical look) "...Oh."

"Yeah."

"I wonder if there is something about that field which affords those who work it to be introspective?"

I mentioned my recent conversation surrounding neurodivergent and how we tend to gravitate toward only a handful of careers based on our own specific way of thinking, and suggested it might be the inverse of her suggestion. Revealed I was attending a, "munch" this month, which surprised her as she was familiar because of her clientele, and she finally asked, "HOW do you get invited to all these different and varied things?" All I could do was shrug. This led to a longer conversation about BDSM, kink, and the like. At some point I made my thoughts on the matter known (she knows I'm hypersexual but I don't think I've discussed being vanilla here on the blog before):

"My wife used to make fun of me for being a vanilla hypersexual, but the way I see it, kinks are limiting. When you embrace a kink or a lifestyle, not only are you limiting your options, most can't even, "get off" unless that kink is in play. Whereas being vanilla opens up every possible avenue in which to discover and explore - it is quite literally, limitless. Many kinks are fairly binary so you can be one, or the other - rarely both, and if you are a "both" type person you've upgraded from one to two. When you're vanilla you can be anything you want and play in everyone's playground. Moreso, you can enjoy every innumerous interaction. It just opens up the entire playing field."

I invited Tess to come with me to the munch.

Unsurprisingly, she declined 🤣