Either/Or

I think part of the problem may be how Mark's relationship worked with you and the girls. You mentioned that you felt (guilt?) over not paying enough attention to Mark because of raising kids, ergo you don't believe you can be in a relationship until the kids are grown.

I don't need you to pay attention to me INSTEAD of the girls, I simply wish to be included with them. Plus...I don't expect you to be the only one attending to the girls' needs all by yourself. I plan to be an active participant in their lives along with you, which will greatly change the single-mother dynamic.

Cass - Day 5

I may be expecting too much, too soon, but I was hoping by now I would have at least shown in some manner that I can be a positive influence here. I guess that's why it stings when Cass tells me she doesn't care whether or not I'm even here. I guess I'm making less of an impact than I had hoped. Of course I've only been here five days, and perhaps she needs longer to see it (I feel like its been a fantastic five days), so I don't know what the next move will entail. Perhaps I simply overestimate my own worth. This was the path I was going down before I remembered I was going to steel myself against Cassie's cycle (and she's also currently on her...other cycle) of interest and our future together coupled with her freaking out. Now that I've remembered that, all is right again in my world.

I did get loud today, and didn't think about it until Abbs left to go grocery shopping with her mother, but when Parker was that age, she always thought I was yelling at her. I felt terrible that Abbs might have thought the same, because it took me far too long to figure that one out about Parker. She quickly accepted my apology when they returned, but I am absolutely going to have to watch myself because she herself gets loud and I just kind of feed off that.

Cyra pinged me early in the day to help her word a rather direct text from her father's wife which was downright dripping in confirmation bias. She showed up after school and we went over various replies while trying to stay polite, but firm, while I cooked dinner. We all sat down at the table to eat, maybe the first time all of us have been together for a meal. Afterward we took a two mile walk (the weather was perfect), and watched another episode of Why Women Kill before bed.