Hands down, sex is fun. I enjoy it with myself, and with others. Awkwardly, as a demisexual, I am only aroused by those with whom I maintain an emotional connection - which, when employed with intimacy - greatly heightens the experience across the board. It's no longer just sex, but a complete and utter integration of souls; the physical manifestation of intimacy. It requires trust to allow oneself to be that vulnerable, yet the payoff is immeasurable - it helps build trust in return. Practicing physical intimacy enhances emotional intimacy and vice-versa. When we're with another in that capacity everything is turned up to 11: transparency, dialogue, vulnerability, and perhaps most of all, communication. Yes using words to express wants and desires, but also the explosion of non-verbal communication; to hold another, and in turn be held; gentle touches coupled with mind-blowing physical acts. These things are very nearly meaningless without the intimacy behind them. Behavior and communication throughout the day, every day, is the foreplay when sprinkled with transparency and vulnerability, while reciprocity is cashing that check of anticipation in ways which can only be defined as wholly fulfilling in every way imaginable. That is the power of intimacy in our lives. An intimacy which builds trust by requiring trust; a never-ending cycle of reaching our full potential.
When we have that trust with another person, so many traumas of the past fall to the wayside. We no longer have to carry them with us; use them to protect ourselves. We can finally be free. And once freed from these chains which bind us - many which may exist even without our knowledge - we start living our authentic selves. This is where that untapped potential is given flight in ways we may have thought impossible. Oftentimes this leads to creativity in everything - not just art or music, but in life. Our perspectives shift, we see the beauty in life and wish to maximize it - maximize ourselves within its hallowed halls. We stop caring about things which do not affect us and start focusing on bettering ourselves and those around us. These are the happy people we may see around us, and quite suddenly, we find we've joined their ranks. A perpetuating happiness mechanism - through sex. And intimacy.
This doesn't come free however, there is a cost. Sometimes that cost can appear too high when first starting on the journey. Because every part of intimacy requires trust, and trust can only be built by being given -
that's how trust works; human risk management. Rereading my 2012 treatise on trust (linked above), I am suddenly reminded how dangerous fear of trust can be - it can destroy the very thing we wish to have much the way self-fulfilling prophesies work. The only way really to get over a fear of trust, is to trust. Start small to be sure - let it wash over you and become familiar with how it feels. Increase slowly the level of trust you give commensurate with the level of trust you've received from another. Over and over again practice this. Soon enough - before you know it really - you'll be living that ideal life and making your own dreams come true...while having great sex.
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