Reconciling Reciprocity

I like to think of it like this: Honest transparency can be exceedingly vulnerable while requiring dialogue to intimate. That's three of the four in a single gesture. Reciprocity, if returned, can result in feelings of empowerment for both parties; the groundwork for future intimacy, building upon trust. The opposite can be true when reciprocity is not returned/aligned - it can be rather painful and disconcerting - yet still necessary for any relationship to move forward. Trust is still gained when the admitted vulnerabilities remain unexploited, despite the uncomfortable chasm which may seem initially insurmountable at any unreturned reciprocity. This is the ironic nature of trust; it requires trust to gain trust.

My wife noticed I did not act/react the same way when I fell in love with her versus what she sees when I fell in love with her BFF. "That is true," I said, and reminded her not only was I in a different place in my own life, but our pairing was under much different circumstances; we were not seeking partnership in one another. "We were adamant about not forming a [traditional] relationship but found we enjoyed each other's company so very much over time, we were both surprised when it happened." I likened it to cement slowly curing until it formed an impenetrable solid. She liked the analogy.

We spoke on the matter throughout the weekend to much success and overall excitement.

The Curious Case of Elder Matumba

It was two years after I moved to Ellinwood before I sought out local medical care from the tiny rural hospital nestled near the edge our idyllic village, and as fate (or fortune, some might say) would have it, was unable to interview any of the four doctors prior to choosing my new primary care provider as my first visit was under duress - that would be the week I ran out of my ADHD meds and transformed into a raving, sometimes-bawling lunatic. Its been half a year or so now and the monthly visits with my doctor assure me a better choice could not have been made even if it had been left up to me, so for that I am thankful.

Now let me regale you with the tale of The Curious Case of Elder Matumba!

Sometime prior to seeking out local facilities, my wife and I, collectively, had been uncharacteristically rough with Elder Matumba during a lively bout of lovemaking and he was damaged slightly - an abrasion I assumed would heal in short order. However! When the healing waxed and waned numerous times, I began to wonder if a long-dormant STI was actually to blame? True it had been many years since my previous lover, but from my limited understanding of STIs, such was their nature.

I sit across from my doctor and describe my ailment.

He weighs my words with the gravity someone in his position would while ruminating, then asks, "Does it itch?" At my negative response he says aloud, "Probably not herpes." My eyes grow wide. Then - with absolute glee beyond containment and no sign left of his previous restraint, his eyes sparkle and he exclaims, "Oooooh, it could be syphilis - I haven't seen a case of that since the 80s!" If possible, my eyes grow wider. Excited now he asks, "Can I see it?" I explain we're on the wane, but if it re-appears I will do my utmost to come in. He accepts this while mentally checking off - but speaking aloud - all the exciting, horrific venereal diseases with which I could be afflicted. He's absolutely giddy.

Six weeks later I get swabbed and and have a blood test and all tests are negative. It's just a slow-healing abrasion apparently.