Baby, It's Cold Outside...

[ehowton]

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN ST LOUIS HAS ISSUED A WINTER STORM WARNING...WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 4 PM CST TUESDAY. THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT.

RAIN WILL BEGIN TO MIX WITH SLEET TOWARD MIDNIGHT AND TRANSITION TO ALL SNOW TOWARD DAYBREAK. PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CONTINUE THROUGH THE MORNING AND EARLY AFTERNOON ON TUESDAY. SIGNIFICANT SNOW ACCUMULATIONS OF 6 OR MORE INCHES IS EXPECTED BY TUESDAY AFTERNOON.

A GUSTY NORTH WIND BEHIND THE STORM SYSTEM WILL LIKELY CAUSE CONSIDERABLE BLOWING AND DRIFTING OF THE SNOW... LOCALLY REDUCING THE VISIBILITY TO LESS THAN A MILE DURING THE DAY ON TUESDAY.

A WINTER STORM WARNING MEANS THAT A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF SNOW... SLEET AND/OR ICE IS EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. STRONG WINDS ARE ALSO POSSIBLE. THIS WILL MAKE TRAVEL VERY HAZARDOUS OR IMPOSSIBLE.

---

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

---

"THE OFFICE WILL REMAIN OPEN IN SPITE OF TODAY'S INCLEMENT WEATHER. HOWEVER, ASSOCIATES MAY LEAVE BEGINNING AT NOON WITHOUT BEING REQUIRED TO TAKE PTO.

U.S. POSTAL OUTGOING MAIL MUST BE IN THE MAILROOM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY. BECAUSE THE RECEPTION DESK WILL NOT BE STAFFED, THE FRONT OFFICE DOORS WILL BE LOCKED AT 1 P.M."

That's everyone but myself, and my staff...half of whom didn't make it in today.

Comments

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

As I said earlier, don't eat the yellow snow!!!!!!!

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

Watch out for falling trees!!!!!!!

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

No shit. The children are tucked safely away in the basement.

Please, please, please...

[galinda822.livejournal.com]

***Keeping fingers crossed that we'll have a snow day without losing power!!!!!***

Re: Please, please, please...

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

Great now you have cursed yourself and the power will go out!!!!

Re: Please, please, please...

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

It ain't VooDoo.

Re: Please, please, please...

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

It ain't VooDoo that you do!!!!

Re: Please, please, please...

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

Ok, I guess I'll keep the fingers on my left hand crossed for you!!!!

Re: Please, please, please...

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

And yet here we sit. Oh well, I figure they'll close the office by noon at least.

[jaceman.livejournal.com]

Snow Days = Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Allow me to show my work.

--

Snow Days = Loss of Income
Loss of Income = Falling Behind on Mortgage
Falling Behind on Mortgage = Foreclosure
Foreclosure = Upset & Depressed Wife
Upset & Depressed Wife = Divorce
Divorce = Jace Cooking for Himself
Jace Cooking for Himself = Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

heh - that was great dude. Your logic is impeccable!

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

Can you write my name in the snow for me? it has never snowed enough here for me to do that.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

No.

[wardlejew.livejournal.com]

Time to break out the snowmobiles to drive to work.
So you don't have to eat PB&J for dinner.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

They've decided to leave the office open, but lock the front doors and allow anyone who wants to leave, leave. That means my team stays in place. I had half my guys not be able to make it in this morning, and I'm sending another one home at noon. Fun, fun.

[jaceman.livejournal.com]

Navigation isn't the problem... keeping the office open so that I don't lose pay is the problem.

The good news is the office is staying open, so I don't lose any income. However, I'm still stuck with PB&J; allow me to demonstrate why.

First, we know that...
Snow Days = Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Well, unfortunately...

Office Staying Open = Same Thing...

Office Staying Open = Hazardous Roads at Close of Business
Hazardous Roads at Close of Business = Traffic Problems
Traffic Problems = Idiots Getting Ticked Off
Idiots Getting Ticked Off = Accidents
Accidents = Increased Insurance Premium + Deductible
Increased Insurance Premium + Deductible = Falling Behind on Mortgage
Falling Behind on Mortgage = Foreclosure
Foreclosure = Upset & Depressed Wife
Upset & Depressed Wife = Divorce
Divorce = Jace Cooking for Himself
Jace Cooking for Himself = Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches

--
It takes a little longer to work out the math in this formula, but as you can see, I'm screwed whether the office closes or not.

You need a tube of:

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

Re: You need a tube of:

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I sure loves me that cherry flavor!

Re: You need a tube of:

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

aren't you proud of me? I didn't hotlink off of drax0r's server.

Re: You need a tube of:

[jaceman.livejournal.com]

I was wondering how long it would take to trigger a sophomoric response to being "screwed."

That being said, I don't think I would be very apt to purchase anything that would make "screwing me" easier. That sort of encouragement only leads to purchasing future tubes and eventually to my own blog offending my very own "alternative lifestyle."

Re: You need a tube of:

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

I meant this in the nicest way possible, of course.

Re: You need a tube of:

[jaceman.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course!

[snapper521.livejournal.com]

I. Hate. Snow.

We're getting your storm now. It sucks. *frown*

Anyway - I hope your life is going better then it was when you posted this. :-)

Catch ya laters

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

This too, shall pass.

[snapper521.livejournal.com]

*rolls my eyes*

Are you sure?