The Empirical Manifesto

It didn't even dawn on me to use the tools she gave me for nefarious purposes, though looking back I certainly could have. No, when Jennifer taught me her version of reframing/manifestation (what would it take?), I instead used it concerning her - what would it take to have an emotional connection with Jennifer? Or perhaps more boldly, what would it take to have the same rush of chemicals that plagued me two years ago? I found it odd I didn't instinctively use it to continue to force that which I didn't feel had come to its natural, logical conclusion. In fact, it wasn't until much later I'd even noticed I hadn't used it with that intent. On one hand, Jennifer felt confident not doing so was indicative her clearing had worked (and was in fact, rather smug about it). On the other, however...well, I didn't know, so I gave her that one.

In talking about this entry before writing it all down, she found my use of the word, "nefarious" problematic in that clearing/manifestation reveals only that which is true and cannot be subverted otherwise. I know I hadn't considered that when I wondered my wonder, but we often have these disagreements about what the universe may or may not provide; she believes the universe only says, "yes" and I feel the universe is a neutral, impartial bitch. I'll freely admit we each have empirical evidence to support our respective claims. Last night I was trying to explain to her the struggle I felt in giving up one thing for another; it went back to Tess suggesting my budding relationship with Jennifer would prove more peaceful, and while I didn't disagree, my entire life, career, hobbies, and mindset surrounds troubleshooting, brainstorming, and resolution - would I be happy in a relationship in which these things ceased to exist?

Jennifer thought the two could co-exist, saying peace can provide direction, then quoted Rumi, "The desire to know your own soul...will end all other desires," to which I countered with Tzu, "When there is no desire, all things are at peace." My point is that I chase desires - they supply the challenges and obstacles in my life that fuel my creativity, and if Tzu is to be believed, peace nullifies that, without which I would be rudderless; without direction. Amused, she clarified peace opens up endless avenues for opportunities and simply provides us with many more choices that we may choose to pursue. Becoming aware of a pattern, I had to give her that one as well.

Had my first, "clearing" last week. To the uninitiated, it would appear part seance and part psychology, primarily packaged via guided meditation. I walked in with an unusually open-mind, because throughout the week I was able to learn about intent (which I have used to my advantage for a very long time, though under another name here on this blog), and that a lot of intent is, for conciseness, gratitude - another heavy hitter around these parts. So with that in mind, I went under the veil (so to speak).

Knowing myself as well as I do, I was initially afraid my propensity for intellectualizing everything would interfere with my primary directive of curiosity. To counteract that, I simply took the parts with which I would normally struggle, and turned them into useful metaphors that my mind would be able to work with undeterred. That, coupled with the guided meditation, worked as intended. I base this on the fact that during my almost trance-like state filled with highly visual imagery as I precisely followed her prompts, tears were shed several times during the hour-long session, complete with long past memories brought to a timely and contextual present.

The stated goal of my clearing was to shed myself of unhealthy attachment, something I had been unaware was even possible, and would have continued to believe just four days prior, except for the aforementioned understanding of intent; I'd simply never connected cognitive behavioral therapy as being a tool which could be utilized in this manner. Putting it all together, I was pretty excited to experience it, and what an experience it was! I was given a tandem session (two intuitives working together) throughout, each with their own individual strengths. Having heard stories of what they usually find and how they've dealt with it (where a lot of the psychology comes in) I was surprised (and slightly disappointed) they didn't "find" more within me to address. When pressed they looked at each other, then back at me, before explaining they rarely work on people who have already worked on themselves to the extent I have. I guess all that introspection is good for something :P

I was initially hesitant to commit due to the fear of losing a part of myself in the process, but to be clear, parts I so desperately wished to hold onto regardless - as I had convinced myself I would be lost without them - usually found among those who embody their suffering, or in my case, the driving force behind my creativity: longing. It was therefore a comfort to hear that was a common misconception, and what the clearing helped facilitate was an identification of the feelings we have which are borne from negative beliefs we have about ourselves, leaving only objective truths (what intuitives call, "Truth").

Oh, and I also discovered my Higher Self is MC 900-ft. Jesus.

Not really.