Falling out of Love

[ehowton]

Writing prompt:

What does falling out of love look like?

TL;DR: Probably different for everyone, but never pretty.

When this question first came across my desk, I had assumed it was meant from my perspective; that my wife wondered if I was "falling out of love" with her. As that was a ridiculous idea to entertain (and I was unsure of how such a thing could occur) I did not use this one in particular, as it was included in a whole host of questions I found better suited to answer.

Retrospect being what it is however, has shed new light upon this question. As usual, I was the last one to see it, but those around me who were shocked at the speed and efficacy of which my wife moved out, were not. I now wonder if she wasn't asking for herself. And while I cannot answer for anyone else, I can certainly (looking back of course) outline how it happened to me. In doing so, I am now armed with new information which can prevent me from falling into the same trap at some yet-unknown future point. The following will be filled both with what I did wrong, what I did right, and what-the-actual-hell-just-happened?

Step One: Fall in love with someone else. In and of itself, this isn't an issue, especially for us poly folk. Since I wasn't actively looking however, I now know this to be a sign that my needs have not been getting met for some time and I was unaware of it. Surely I would not have otherwise fallen in love so completely. The moment I became aware of it, I disclosed it to my wife; both the having fallen in love (usually not a problem) and the needs not being met - complete with actionable items we could both do in order to course correct. The latter was completely ignored on multiple occasions. At the time she was on some pretty strong meds which caused her to, "lose her words" and while aware of this, I was compensating by suggesting things which didn't require them; touch and time for example. These were also ignored.

Step Two: Eschew every philosophical relationship idea agreed upon and embrace opposite ones (the annals of this blog are filled with such examples over the past two years).

Step Three: Give up.

As usual, all this has taught me quite a bit. About myself, and about bipolar. Having untreated bipolar for so long can apparently trigger ceaseless comparison which of course can escalate things rather quickly. Wife has the power of logic behind her as well as being the most emotionally-mature person I've ever met. Yet our perception of reality can be equally as powerful I assume. As for myself my daughter labeled me a, "demisexual" (which I had to look up) and I now know that I am physically attracted to those with whom I maintain an emotional connection. This is a double-edged sword in my life. I know what to look for if I'm starting to wade into troubled waters, but have also learned the hard way that severing that emotional bond leaves absolutely nothing in its wake :(