What Are You Wanting to Get Out of This?

[ehowton]

High Level:


I thrive on interaction with someone who is capable of discussing ideas as malleable objects; things to be toyed with, tried on, worn for a time to see how they fit - then just as easily discarded if they don't - or fully embraced and liberally applied to concepts far surpassing their original intent if they do. It was this, and an impressively high level of emotional maturity which cemented the relationship my wife and I now share.

As there are many more effective tools available, my wife and I refrain from using blame as a coping mechanism, but I am having a difficult time illustrating how I can be acutely affected during lengthy transitions of brain-chemistry management while simultaneously understanding and promoting the need to do so - I don't blame the bipolar anymore than I blame her for having it, but am feeling the effects of living in a vacuum for an extended period of time. This is not a reflection on her nor her diagnosis. Challenging, but not insurmountable.

When she, "lost her words" I started relying more heavily on interacting with her best friend, to whom I discover she's been ceaselessly comparing herself. Additionally, I accidentally added to that comparison when I replied I preferred communicating with someone who didn't express only anger, frustration, or boredom every time I spoke. To complicate matters, I am in love with the best friend, but she is neither available to, nor remotely interested romantically, in me.

This is manifesting itself into a need for her to control me. As for my own primitive coping mechanism, I tend toward intellectualism, so I'd like to open up the conversation to see if I'm accidentally misrepresenting any of my assertions - ideally reinforcing the absence of blame and lessening the ever-present comparisons.