ehowton ◾ ◾ NRE

Looking back, it amazes me that I could be completely and utterly filled with new-relationship energy (NRE) over something which occurred entirely in my own head, without any 3rd party intervention whatsoever. I'm not quite sure if that is simply the result of an overactive imagination, or something more DSM-V related I may need to be concerned with at some point (we're all absolutely assuming the former, right?)

My numerous critics enjoy pointing out that holding my wife's BFF entirely blameless in my internal struggle is a lapse in judgement for surely she said, did, or behaved in some way to encourage me. And while she didn't necessarily discourage me (which my critics do vocally frown upon), at no point did she ever show anything more than a platonic interest - never once has she intimated, encouraged, suggested, or engaged in anything close to a romantic or sexual desire toward me - and I gave her ample opportunity in which to do so! I illustrated her inclusion in our idyllic life under various configurations in which she might thrive in ways she could only wistfully imagine which only led to being rebuffed time and again with her showing zero curiosity in even considering such a thing.

Nonetheless, armed solely with my imagination, I continued on as if she'd said, "Yes," and fabricated an entire universe where she existed within our perfect sphere which exists outside the hellscape of day to day living, and became enraptured with my creation.

The problem (as I saw it) was all due to timing - nothing else - and I'd made allowances for that in the facsimile of life I was living. But I've gone into great detail following the tag on this entry so won't rehash that here. Just the fact I was feeling very real NRE over a very not real relationship has left me more questions than answers.