Laid Bare

[ehowton]

I am currently living my fantasy of being with someone in which we discover things about each other through discourse and shared experiences; spending time with them observing different reactions while discussing thoughts and dreams and desires and ideas together. Discussions about the future, the past, our fears, strengths, likes, dislikes, and the possible origins of our closely-held beliefs and whether or not they're right, wrong, or open to interpretation. We do this without anger, blame or jealously, and it is an absolute joy as we experience, learn, and grow, together.

A double-fantasy, if I were allowed, would be to incorporate my wife's BFF into this life we've created - a life of consistent validation and growth, of joy and overwhelming love, and of constant communication. The type of communication which incorporates full transparency, tender vulnerability, concerned reciprocity, and honest dialogue to discuss workable expectations which work to everyone's favor. To discuss equally the parts we enjoy, and the parts which with we struggle for the purpose of resolving everyone's issues cleanly and succinctly as we pave the way to maintaining our incomprehensible present while looking toward a magnificent future.

Which is where the dynamic comes in. The three-who-are-one is much greater than the sum of its parts - it's exponential - and only really understood by those who participate in it as explanations alone do not do it justice. Only recently has my wife begun to experience this phenomenon, and it is intoxicating. Every aspect of your life is increased in bountiful multitude when you're working together.

But when discussing these admittedly esoteric dilemmas to the one I would have join us I tend to speak in third person as to not press her - she needs her time to draw her own conclusions and live her own life as well. Admittedly third person can come across as impersonal and disinterested which is the opposite for which I strive and has a tendency to cloud interpretation. And yes it's still early - too early - to have these discussions anyway, but she's so damn sharp and inquisitive I just cannot help myself.

Which is where we find ourselves today. With more questions than answers, and another half-finished text exchange due to the exceedingly busy lives in which each of us, independently, leads.