Good Googly Moogly!

[ehowton]

Dreamed I was attending a fast-paced Noom physical assessment/boot-camp for people in high-stress jobs. There was an impressive panel of celebrity instructors on the stage, but they were the ones acting as if they'd seen a famous idol - my senior manager! He was sitting in the first row taking notes in his leather-bound planner, being attended to by The Architect who always attended all the training events. Curiously, my senior manager was wearing a purple K-State polo in place of his usual Texas A & M. He must have been trying to go incognito, but it wasn't working.

Everyone was already seated and filling out paperwork as the first celebrity instructor was at the podium giving everyone one of those rapid-fire, nonsensical motivational screeches. I was late, trying to find a seat, and had no paperwork to fill out. In fact, I was still standing in the middle of the aisle when they announced a surprise celebrity instructor for the duration of our week-long physical conditioning course, straight from Lufkin, TX, CHUCK FREAKING NORRIS! As he pushes past me down the aisle with his entourage, my heart swelled because it was good to see my uncle Pat again. I was surprised more people didn't know my uncle Pat was Chuck Norris. He was wearing his signature olive drab uniform with matching cadet-style flat-top cap. He looked good, I'd missed him of late.

I noticed my old boss DRP and his gaggle of geese were also there. Good. Lots of ex-military and some active duty which according to their uniform specialty badges all looked like they were working in the intelligence field; this was absolutely my group of people and I felt right at home. I keep looking for a seat while the introductions are being made on stage and spy some hot chick I'd like to get to know better, so make my way to her row. Just as I sit down, however, a heavier-set chick wearing...county jail attire? sits in the empty seat between us. Ugh. No matter, I'm already so far behind on whatever it was I was supposed to have done ahead of time.

The first assessment exercise starts with a targeted stretch - sitting straight up in the (now pews), hands on knees, and feet flat on floor. Its not bad, not at all. In fact, its so comfortable I look down and notice while everyone else's feet are flat, mine are pointed out straight. I'm doing it wrong. I'm the only one doing it wrong and discover its because I'm laying down, not sitting in a pew. I decide that makes it an excellent opportunity for a nap, and take a little snooze.

When I awake everyone is mingling in the aisles on a short break. I try to catch up with old friends and co-workers. I overhear some of the celebrity instructors talking amongst themselves and ask if I can assist. They were less impressed I was related to Chuck Norris and more impressed I knew our senior manager. Apparently he was well-known for being strict on security and access, causing the celebrity instructors to revamp their intelligence protocols - he was something of a legend, and they were geeking out he was attending their boot-camp only they didn't know which attendee he was - no one has ever seen my senior manager, so I gladly pointed him out, still curious why he was wearing K-State garb.

With the break over, absolutely everyone else returned to their seats and began meditating. I couldn't find my seat, and I didn't know why we were supposed to meditate, or even how everyone knew it was meditation time. I sat down somewhere else when I get a call. I pull out my little flip phone - it was a loaner - my iPhone had broken so I turned in for a replacement. IT showed up with that replacement and retrieved the loaner flip phone as I was on it speaking to them still. They handed me two bibles, one written in Hebrew, the other an abridged King James Version. I looked at them in what could only possibly have been abject astonishment. What the actual fuck was I supposed to even do with these? As it turns out, employees at my level don't actually get iPhones (long story), we don't even get flip phones. We get an untranslated Tanakh, and an abridged KJV. I couldn't even. People were starting to furtively peek over at the commotion.

I never got with the hot chick, but the other girl turned out to be totally cool, her choice of garb notwithstanding.

After conference, Dorian and I went to live with my daughter's boyfriend's parents. The mom was working some long-game elaborate money-making scheme which may or may not have involved circumventing either current narcotics laws, current security and exchange commission laws, or both. I agreed to take over the cable bill to help with the short term pinch. We all agreed cable was a necessity. Except Dorian. She didn't think we needed cable. The dad had just purchased a classic BMW for a restore project - it was pretty sweet. So sweet in fact, he often stood outside, barefoot in the snow, beer in hand, just to admire it. I don't know why the mom and I were conspiring in this money-making scheme without him, but I wanted to admire the rusty yellow BMW also. I tried to get Dorian to conspire with the mom but she was still going on about the cable not being a necessity, no one knows why. I had the cable in my pocket - it was on a thumbdrive - everything was fine.

It was bright in my room when I awoke, and I was thrilled the dream's conclusion coincided with daylight, indicating another full night's sleep. Immediately thereafter I woke up in r/l and it was dark in the room, momentarily clouding my reality. I asked Alexa the time, and it was far earlier than I would have liked, but having already woke up twice, back-to-back, I assumed it a harbinger of my day and simply got out of bed, slinking to the coffee maker.

Think I'll cut back on the melatonin before bed.