MEAT PIE

[ehowton]

^{Inspired by swashbuckler332*}

Corporate America's fascination with near-meaningless buzzwords until they become deprecated would be downright hysterical if they didn't take themselves so seriously - and Corporate America always takes itself too seriously.

What do I like about salesmen? Their charisma and their energy. Dislikes? In a word, their insincerity. Motivating your worker-bees is less about the occasional pat on the back (though in this economy, with the hours we're putting in, it would be nice every so often) and more about tangible feedback. Telling us we're fantastic while simultaneously denying us training, bonuses & annual raises means almost nothing.

"The Great I.T. Crash of 2000" is over. Sadly, it ended as a global recession began. Ah, but in its heyday...

I left the USAF at the onset of the DotCom Boom and skyrocketed into the field. Of these, Sprint Paranet was at the `bleeding edge` of growth and perks, as well as (what I consider pioneers) of work/life balance. Boom meant lush weekly parties, even lusher monthly parties, and outrageous quarterly parties. And not just employees - family too.

One of these "training" events was a week-long corporate retreat at the Houston-area Chain-O-Lakes Resort where we were given cabins as our lodging, organic, locally grown gourmet meals and 8-hour classes on things such as Briggs Meyer, Customer Relations, Growing the Business, Limiting Scope, and Repeatable Processes. Of course most of us were hungover because each evening we were given all the beer and wine we could drink.

When we weren't in the classroom, we were doing team-building activities. You know the ones where you pass the tiny guy through the webbed netting, lean on each other when crossing the 'commitment bridge', and my personal corporate favorite, Jumping for the Brass Ring.

We stood atop a sixty-foot telephone poll on a tiny platform, and they used d-rings and pulley's to raise a brass-colored ring, and just like the carousel game of old, I snatched the brass ring. By jumping out with a belay 60-feet above ground level.

Aparently literally jumping was supposed to translate into success in the workplace.

As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team...I don't know what he's talking about.

---

^{* http://swashbuckler332.livejournal.com/710624.html}

Comments

[ubet-cha.livejournal.com]

Once I began working in finance in 98 we never saw that kind of extragance but to be DoD contractor in the 90s was all kinds of awesome.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I was looked down upon as a DoD contractor by the GS-employees in the late 90s. My first job outside the military and I was amused and shocked both to find that people actually existed who wouldn't talk to you depending on who you worked for.

I worked out of SPAWAR in Philly, and some of the GS guys would talk to Lockheed Martin who did our hardware and operating system installs, but not Litton, PRC who did the software installations and training.

Weird.

[ubet-cha.livejournal.com]

I remember that. Back then I worked for a company called APSG, we along with a company called Argos where on top of that weird imaginary hierarchy in the Intel World. Next came SAIC, CSC and a few others. On the bottom were the rack&stack guys.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I don't think I knew you were ex-Intel! I was on the Photint side of the house, and yep, that's *exactly* the scenario I was referring to. How cool.

[ubet-cha.livejournal.com]

We were data acq. I loved the work and recommend it to those curious about the field, but the commute from where I lived sucked.

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

I couldn't resist!!! BUHAHAHAHAH!!!!

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

That's awesome! Reminds me I want to see Kick-Ass when it comes out on DVD :P

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

I remember the early 2000s. There was money to throw away. Up until '05. I basically got paid to surf the net and watch t.v. when I was bored with that. I had a guaranteed 40 hrs. week and the company paid for insurance. I was sittin' high in hog heaven! HUGE Christmas bonus...

I think there was quite a few meat pies lying around too! LOL

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

We played Starcraft and Diablo II on overnight 12-hour shifts.

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

Love the avatar BTW. You're reminiscent of Walter :P

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

You're out of your element, Donny.

(http://www.flickr.com/photos/31298785@N03/)

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

LOL I'm almost tempted to open Photoshop....

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

I just want to remind you that I was a SALESMAN for a large international corporation for 11 years!!!


Are you refering to Luther Sloan???

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

You're right - that's funny seeing how you're not very charismatic :/

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

I was a good salesman but not an excellent one. Usually coming in first in sales rankings for my store more often than not. I was not an excellent sales person though because it isn't in my nature to flat out lie to people. I also attribute that fact to my longevity in sales since the average sales person only lasted 2 years or got promoted to management for another 2 years before leaving the company before they got fired or because that fired.

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Remember how retarded most of those managers were? They couldn't manage their way out of a wet paper sack.

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

How could I forget. I had 12 different managers in 13 years and only 3 of those were competent.

[celtmanx.livejournal.com]

I could lead armies if I followed my dark nature!!!

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

Sign me up!

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Are you refering to Luther Sloan???

[unixwolf.livejournal.com]

Do you still have you ring?? I do. Oh the memories..

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

I thought about that when I was writing this up. I don't know. It was on my desk forever. Then all the brass-coloring rubbed off. You see, it wasn't really brass. It was just meant to give the appearance of brass, and like the eventuality of Paranet, one day it just...went away.

*single tear*

[thesweetestnote.livejournal.com]

DAMN YOU GOLLUM!!!!

[schpydurx.livejournal.com]

There's no I in team, but there's a "me" in there if you jumble it up a bit.

Anagrams of: TEAM

[ehowton.livejournal.com]

Tame
Mate
Team
Meat
A Met
At Em
At Me