2024 - Fifth Session

Given my blogs over the past several days, my therapist is doubling down on her belief BFF is stringing me along; something she and (soon-to-be-ex) wife have in common apparently, for wife warned me of this very thing nearly two full years ago. Despite my protestations (and the fact the therapist was so enamored with my previous assignment for being able to articulate I was hurt (I guess that's a thing)), she has given me a new blog assignment: At what point do I walk away from a relationship when lack of intimacy starts to negatively impact me (or something along those lines). Apparently the whole, "EXACT OPPOSITE...and for TWENTY MONTHS" is all part of the string-along playbook, of which everyone seems to be aware except me. Even Leslie has cautioned me. Then there's Michelle who said, "Whether it’s Dorian or Mormonism, she’s in a place where she feels it would be dishonorable to choose you. Now, I want you to think back to you and I. You felt it was dishonorable to choose me - you couldn’t let Lori be right. Maybe BFF can rise above it. But you, one of the most logical people I know, could not. (Although, it’s apparent you could now.) So if you wonder what she’s going through, think back to how you felt. That’s where she is now. And no, she’s not stringing you along - at least not on purpose. She’s fighting with herself. Just as you were a decade ago." I admitted to her I know it happened, but for the life of me couldn't remember why I cared. Her reply? "Emotional abuse is a bitch to overcome."

As an aside, this is a demonstrable example of one of the problems of letting other people's opinions control your actions: BFF will not date me because it would prove wifey correct. However, if she doesn't date me that will also prove wifey correct. What is a potential lover to do?

The rest of the sesh was on how I specifically choose partners given my exceedingly high expectations, and then weed out those who ultimately don't qualify. This was lot of repetitive, "action, attitude, behavior" on the heels of each, "transparency, vulnerability, reciprocity, and dialogue" but drove the point home. That and reiterating I won't need to look anywhere outside my current relationship as long as those things continue to exist and be worked on.

Baggage-Free Dictionary

Its terrifying that some words hold so much baggage for us, that they can invoke an emotional response whether we want them to or not - and often in the most unlikely ways, at the most inopportune times. It was Michelle's mom (The Oracle) who first introduced this concept to me when I was struggling with my own word-baggage. So today, I present the first of a living-document, the Baggage-Free Dictionary!

Data-Gathering Mission
When two people platonically seek data-points about one another in different social settings and under different circumstances designed to create a fuller picture of how they navigate life and handle challenges, inconsistencies, and daily tasks, they are on a data-gathering mission.

Person of Interest
An individual you are tailing so you don't lose sight of them in the middle of your investigation. These people are often seen closely together which may or may not give the wrong impression about their relationship. They are your person of interest, as in, "My person of interest has scheduled a data-gathering mission for Friday night at a nice restaurant."

Go-to Girl
When someone is having a tough time, and needs to talk things out, but doesn't want to discuss it with their spouse, they can speak to their Emotional Go-to Girl, or their Intellectual Go-to Girl to get advice and/or comfort. Oftentimes these are the same person if she's both emotionally mature enough, and intelligent enough.

Off-the-books Conference
When people who are legally entwined seek support outside the confines of their legality, they could be thought of as having an illicit, off-the-books conference.