How its Going

Daily. That would be ideal. But if she chooses someone else, and I find someone new...we all know how this will play out. Our individual focuses will rightly turn from each other to our respective significant others, which will take the majority of our time, and our interaction drops significantly. Next thing you know we touch base to talk and catch-up once a year maybe. And that's assuming our partners are comfortable with the idea - we've already seen how that turns out otherwise. Just seems...less fun that way.

Then there was this exchange which changed much in my current relationship:

HER: I've been down today. It's amazing to me how I am depressed. Logically I know the problem. Emotionally, I am not getting over it.

ME: Do you want to share the problem? Talk through it?

HER: No...I am shy and a bit awkward now to talk to you...It wasn't a big deal...That has changed.

ME: I'll miss our transparency.

HER: I think as soon as certain boundaries are in place, the transparency will come back.

In short, she's depressed, knows what the problem is, doesn't want to share it, and has withdrawn transparency and commodified it. Did I miss anything? I've tried like hell to reframe this into something more positive and have come up empty each and every time. So, for her mental health (and my own), I've had to take a step back. Give her space. She wants to set boundaries face-to-face, but that's not happening until sometime in the future, which greatly diminishes my interaction. As much as I enjoy texting her all day, every day, I don't really do superficial, and by her withdrawing one of the two pillars of intimacy we shared, its no longer dialogue (an exchange of ideas and opinions) either.

It hurts not having that access to her, and the only way I know how to survive at this point, is to distance myself, which hurts even more. I promised her that no matter our configuration, our relationship would continue unabated. But our relationship was one of joy, not depression, and contained active elements of intimacy which we nurtured. How are the mechanics of friendship to work without those elements continuously feeding that connection?

Alas.