Desire

You don't have attachments here either. Maybe desires...

As someone with (mostly) intrinsic happiness, I'll admit I have few desires. Yes, you are one of them. But what's especially humorous about the above is with you I desire that attachment, or more specifically, to cement our connection; to explore it, celebrate it, and marvel at its wonder; to appreciate it fully and without hesitation or reservation. In short to get to know the "you" you believe I wouldn't like, in order to judge that for myself. I have no idea how YOU plan to pull that off, but I have innumerous ideas about how I'd like to proceed.

When my daughter labeled me a demisexual it really opened my eyes as to why I behave the way I do. It answered so many questions. Take desire, for example. I fell in love with you long before I desired you - in all definitions of the word. You probably remember when I assured you I was NOT trying to get into your pants. And also the moment I assured you I absolutely was. I like that I respect you, appreciate you, and adore you simultaneously. It's a wonderful thing I would never want to jeopardize for multiple reasons. Forefront amongst them is that I trust you - with everything. And that scares me sometimes. Yes I desire vulnerability in intimacy, but that doesn't mean it can't be frightening sometimes, as its very nature is meant to be. And lets face it, I am often far more candid with you than you are with me - and please understand, that's not an accusation - I understand, but because its a thing which exists, it sometimes feeds the fear.

So yes, I desire you heart, mind, and soul. But in equal parts I value our friendship; our relationship. Which reminds me, I forgot this little tidbit I added to THRID SESSION:

I've learned the hard way that best friends make the best lovers. She looked up me and smirked, "I've always thought so."

 

So here it is. For better or for worse, you know me. You've appreciated me from afar and have been told things no doubt about me without my knowledge. We've had a 20-month emotional relationship. When considering me as a potential partner, of what exactly are you so afraid? Because when I think of you, there is only joy. What goes through your mind?