Spirograph

When my wife and I were first dating we often discussed the futility of a single individual having the capacity to fulfill every aspect of another person who is independently capable of personal growth, maturation, and an evolution of self. Intellectually of course, this makes sense. Replace, "intellectually" with "emotionally" and that's where things have the potential to dismantle the framework of logic. I myself struggle with the two often-competing forces in the guise of the relationship escalator - logically, I wholeheartedly embrace the concept and try to live by its tennents. Emotionally, it is sometimes difficult to put into practice. Understanding a thing and practically applying it can be two powerful, opposing forces.

Having had a somewhat traumatic self-actualization myself, and as my then-girlfriend was nearing the same age, I let her know in advance I would understand if she eventually outgrew me, because within her I saw that potential. Understanding however doesn't mean an absence of grieving, nor struggling with that grief commingled amongst the accompanying emotions. The two again, are disparate polar forces. As we do not own or even try to control one another, we are allowed immense latitude. We are individuals who proactively choose to spend our life together each and every day, decoupled from the ill-placed responsibility of beliefs, vows, or societal expectations. This does not mean we're immune from the consequences of our behavior. On the contrary, we must work that much harder to continually reevaluate without provocation, in order to ensure we're the best possible versions of ourselves we can be. Often, the product reveals mixed results as it would in any relationship structure.

We've also discussed, ad nauseum the freedom to disengage from our relationship should one of us wish to pursue elsewhere, outgrowing one another notwithstanding. Simply put, we agree any attempt at entrapment to keep the other in a relationship they do not wish to be in would not only likely be futile, but unrewarding - we don't wish to be in a relationship bound solely by honorific means. We understand the separation would be painful, nonetheless true selfless love is always letting the person grow in the direction they need with or without us and we've both verbalized this to one another. When my wife let me know she would freely let me go to be with her BFF if it were a better fit for me two things happened simultaneously - I realized my wife had reached what I consider a pinnacle of emotional maturity, and I ran all the scenarios of doing just that - leaving her to begin a life with her BFF, would she have me (to be clear, there's zero indication she would).

I stayed, not out some chivalric responsibility, rather because I wanted to add her BFF to our otherwise magical life. That didn't happen - probably won't ever happen at this point - so why do I continue to engage her? Connection. Interaction. Love. I treat my wife the way I do because I am in love with her. I treat her BFF the way I do because I am also in love with her.

My wife is afraid she's, "not enough" for me. She's probably right. Can any single person ever be enough? Should they? But more to the point, is that truly the most important thing? Is that the "one thing" which could potentially destroy a relationship? I assure you I am often not enough for her - which I acknowledge and comprehend (MMF) - hence the aforementioned latitude. I wouldn't expect to be. In conclusion, I've created a Venn diagram which roughly overlays my unquenchable curiosity with my sexual template and the ever-present need for connection and interaction: