2023 - Third Session

I thought it would be helpful for my therapist to have more than just my perspective on everything as an aid to better assist her, so invited my wife to the session. A quote from the therapist herself is the best paraphrase of how that went:

"Well, this wasn't the conversation I was expecting to have today."

I also brought her a printout of all the relevant blog entries dating back to November for her perusal, were she so inclined. This time she actually used the word, "fascinated" to describe her thoughts on our marriage, as she's consistently surprised at both our level of interaction, and obvious disdain of ridiculously dated traditional precepts (she found it refreshingly healthy - not something she usually sees in her office).

Addressing my apparent slipping into (for lack of a better term), "daddy mode" where her BFF is concerned, the therapist believes that compared to everyone else in my life where this behavior of mine rears its head (the BFF, her children, and my own daughter), I truly see my wife as my intellectual/emotional equal. I appreciate how her brain works, subsequently expecting her her to handle issues which may arise at the same level of dialogue and aplomb in seeking solutions, which may explain why I don't, "daddy mode" her, despite her occasional wish for it to happen. "This is a good thing," the therapist explained.

This led to a discussion concerning our individual interaction with the BFF. As our relationships with her are uniquely different, my "daddy mode" is more a cheering section for her overcoming obstacles rather than a vocal approval for negative behavior or an attempt to, "save" her. My wife's role in the relationship being (obviously) very different, has the OPTION of being more discerning, more critical, and absolutely more vocal as she may see fit. It's not a good-cop/bad-cop scenario, rather playing to the individual strengths of our unique relationship with her.

Next up, the cathartic weeping episode on wife's shoulders over the BFF this past weekend. It was, according to the therapist, simply reconciling the grief over a relationship which was not going to exist. As surprised as I was at the outpouring of emotion I experienced (and borderline distressing for my wife), the therapist was entirely nonplussed (informal North American definition).

The session concluded with a love-language specific intimacy exercise to do at home. Here's the why: I crave connection, my wife requires words of affirmation. We were instructed to spend half an hour a day (with zero distractions) touching (holding hands at a minimum) and discussing specifically the things we enjoy about one another, revisiting our initial relationship, and our relationship goals. We'll start that this evening.