Saga

As far as my wife's BFF is concerned, I do wonder from time to time if I get dismayed wondering if I fell in love with the potential of which she is capable, or the fact that she clearly isn't there yet. I gave myself two years based on my own journey, which is but a rough estimate; some take far longer, some far less - and there's always biology to take into consideration on which I've had a multitude of council. I do try to keep my own growth in mind (back-reading my divorce tag I downright cringe at how angry I was) as well as the fact it is far easier to see the fault in others moreso than ourselves. But she's so damn close. Yes it's a never-ending journey, but she's standing on the precipice of self-sustaining intrinsic happiness. At least in my mind's eye, which to be fair, is less clouded than it was. My wife seems pleased I am able to discuss all of this more objectively than before.

Speaking of wife, we've started painting miniatures, which affords us ample time to visit in the evenings and therefore have opened up the proverbial dialogue floodgates, of which no topic is off-limits. Its been a veritable never-ending stream of consciousness as we discuss our past, present, and future ad nauseam; mostly surrounding the experiences, challenges, and solutions which form our current selves and possible directions in which to grow. It's been absolutely delightful. I do wish her BFF were with us to participate in this mix of creative and cerebral evenings we share prior to the subsequent carnal punctuation which invariably takes place afterward - a perfect world were I able to create one. Yet admittedly one in which she is not quite ready. I do feel proximity would be manifest in that growth, yet here we are.

Is that just ego speaking, though? I'm not sure. Being aware of the diverse nature of people and their motivations, desires, and goals surely helps to avoid that trap, but I will admit to being curious if modifying one's worldview has a direct correlation to the type of outcome I envision, or if its as unique and varied as we are. My thoughts are this: If one's worldview is based upon a lifetime of bad information, incorrect assumptions, and best guesses - and can be updated and practically applied to the real world - how much baggage has the potential to be introspectively addressed when the domino effect is initiated? For myself it was unfathomable. Is that experience universal?

I'm not entirely sure what I want to do next with my life at the moment, but am enjoying the relative peace and contentment which comes with the life I am currently living.