Boy Toys

[ehowton]

Boy Toys was a purpose-written song to describe my divorce to those who seemingly gather information from a single source. I am exceedingly honest about my own flaws, missteps, and mistakes because it would be inauthentic to try and paint any breakup as a fault/blame scenario in order to either pit people I know against the other party, or to garner support through misinformation and lies. Apparently that is not a view which is widely held, nor practiced. So I released this as a bit of an informative retelling of events, because I am certain most people who fall into the former category were not made aware; it has a tendency to change the narrative.

Together a decade, communication art
Ten years of agreements written on my heart
Most days it felt like balance, a life we both designed
She begged me to seduce her best friend
And so I played my part

I learned to trust her vision
Push my doubts below
How can she not love you she asked
She just doesn't yet know

I did everything she wanted
She whispered in my head
Can't wait for her to feel you inside her
Doing exactly what she said
She planted all the thoughts
Created all the visions
Promised it was what she wanted
Told me it was her decision

She said fuck her in the evenings, that's when she'll need you most
You can have me in the mornings, just after breakfast toast
So I opened up my heart the way she'd spent a decade asking me
And fell head over heels with her best friend
Turned out it was easy
Because we got really close

My wife had all her boy-toys
Wanted me to have a girlfriend
Wanted it to be her BFF
I relented in the end

I did everything she wanted
She whispered in my head
Can't wait for her to feel you inside her
Doing exactly what she said
This is what I want for her
As I plowed her deep
With such powerful visions
How could I fall asleep?

The rules rewrote themselves the moment that I followed every one
She recanted every word she said and called me what she'd done
She told it to anyone who'd listen — I left her, I'm the one to blame
But she was fine with all of it until I loved someone the same

I did everything she wanted
She whispered in my head
Can't wait for her to feel you inside her
Doing exactly what she said

But when faced with what it felt like
When my power reached her own
She didn't like the taste of it in her mouth
And demanded capitulation

She never said she was sorry
Never admitted her own part
Just framed it like I was the bad guy
And left me holding my heart

Turns out it was okay for her to have her boy-toys
And begging me to get a girlfriend wasn't true
She was allowed to love who she wanted
...But I was not.