Burn It With Fire

[ehowton]

As sometimes happens, the video Burn It With Fire was inspired by a quote I had put up a week prior: What the Heart Wants? I managed to craft an entire song around the idea. This one became my therapist's second favorite behind, Fades to Black. The quote was me grasping at straws. I was...angry? Hurt would be more accurate, and seeking any solace I could find. It was probably (at the time) my most visceral production.

I still feel some sort of way when I listen to this one; the access which I felt was taken for granted (acknowledging a lack of boundaries on my part, nothing against her) and not being chosen over and over again. And I finally gave voice to what I felt - that she didn't care. An assumption? Sure. But one which came from never hearing otherwise. What other conclusion should I have drawn?

Love is a choice, if we allow it
me chasing you just taught you what I'd accept
you loved the attention of being chosen
but not being chosen back left me...frozen

Love is a choice you make
And chasing you taught you just that:
That I'd stand outside your empty door
And settle for the loneliness.

I can only hold myself
my choices, and this door
I won't stay where I'm not wanted
I've done that before

I'll burn every vestige of you with fire
Its what I have to do to survive
I won't wait for what may never arrive
Love is a choice — and so am I
so am I
so am I

why do we pick sides like it's law
when something new could form between the fractures
I alone decide who gets the key
who gets the access, who gets what comes after

what you lost — it doesn't matter now
you didn't care then and you don't care now
all you ever wanted was the mention
the attention, not the vow

I can only hold myself
my choices, and this door
I won't stay where I'm not wanted
not anymore

I'll burn every vestige of you with fire
Its what I have to do to survive
I won't wait for what may never arrive
Love is a choice — and so am I
so am I
so am I

I'll burn every trace of you
Until the smoke becomes the sky.
What you lost no longer matters —
You didn't care enough to try.

You miss the access.
You miss the light.
Not the person standing in it.

it's not vulnerability I love
it's those who know how to wield it
foolish — yes — but never stupid
only when it comes to this

I'll burn every vestige of you with fire
Its what I have to do to survive
I won't wait for what may never arrive
Love is a choice — and so am I
so am I
so am I

I credit you for this —
you taught me where to hold the line
I'll never make that mistake again
I'll never make that mistake again

(so am I)
(so am I)