Lose

[ehowton]

Yes I had just finished watching Smoking Behind the Supermarket with You with my daughter, yes I'd just finished Book Four of the manga, and yes much of it resonated with me - hence the theme surrounding the video element of Lose. I was becoming familiar with the pattern of discovering my own faults within the songs I was writing as observations and IIRC this song was created (in part) to address that; acknowledge it. It is also the first time I stated I may be angry and my attempt to ameliorate its effects (that part has yet to happen).

I also played around with the idea of using this format to set boundaries. I believe I set only one. I did however manage to get quite a bit off my mind, and make some declarative statements.

I’ve done the introspection
Admitted all my parts
Looked at it from every direction
Didn’t fix my heart

Moving forward
Without a map in hand
Which way to face
Blank slate for a plan

Reconciling shame and neglect
As we press on without one another
Knowledge of regret
Hoping solitude will serve as cover

But we both know that never works
When you're afraid to take the leap
Stuck forever in a cycle
Never landing on my feet

I know I'll come out the other side wiser
But I would've rather had those years with you
I didn't need another lesson
In the many ways a person can lose

I asked for far too much
Which you had not to give
Willing to hold your hand
That’s not how you wanted to live

Stuck in this confusion
Doubting myself every step of the way
Too many eggs all in a basket
Solely my own price to pay

And maybe I have a lot of anger I haven't named yet
Maybe I'm still asking why I can't just let this go
I focused on all the wrong things
you always made it sound like there was a chance
And me not knowing what you were wanting to say
… took you at your word

I hope you find what you're looking for
And when that moment finally comes
If it's not me
I don't want to know what it is

But we both know that never works
When you're afraid to take the leap
Stuck forever in a cycle
Never landing on my feet

I know I'll come out the other side wiser
But I would've rather had those years with you
I didn't need another lesson
In the many ways a person can lose

But we both know that never works
When you're afraid to take the leap
Stuck forever in a cycle
Never landing on my feet

I know I'll come out the other side wiser
But I would've rather had those years with you
I didn't need another lesson
In the many ways a person can lose

I may have lost someone who didn't love me
But she lost someone who truly loved her