Entitlement

[ehowton]

I've been reading up quite a bit on entitlement - where it comes from; why it exists - and perhaps moreso, what does it serve? What "good" comes from entitlement? Because as far as I can see, entitlement fills the self with frustration, which - unchecked - can often lead to anger, or perhaps worse, a feeling of perpetual unfulfillment. My last marriage I learned quite a bit about WIN/LOSS scenarios, and while my perusal of what feeds entitlement mentions people seeing everything as a WIN/LOSS scenario, I just never really saw that for myself in my current partner. That said, I will admit that what I took as emotional maturity was more likely masking. I'm not fully convinced of that but so many people have brought it to my attention I've incorporated it into my database for consideration.

A secondary fuel for entitlement seems to be poor expectation management, and that does align more closely with how it feels - though again, having discussed these ideas endlessly there was no outward disclosure of anything untoward - of course that's where true character comes through - under duress. To that point I'll modify my statement with, "...or hurt." Because if we feel justified in our entitlement only when we've been hurt, let us understand that is our true character being revealed - not the poised facsimile we otherwise show the world. Being hurt is never a valid reason to publicly display abhorrent behavior, and all of us acknowledge the truth always comes out - which side of that fence do we wish to be on when it does? Or do we think further, subsequent excuses for our behavior will absolve us with our endless litany of justifications?

I've always prided myself on being as objective as possible on this blog. I may not always hit the mark (who does?) but it is that for which I strive. I do this, in part, by debating myself - playing Devil's Advocate - then rebutting those claims. Often I'll start from the antagonistic viewpoint - the one in which I disagree - and work my way toward its valid argument before rebutting it. Long time readers of this blog know that the conclusion to which I come is often (often!) not the one I have in mind when I begin writing, due to this process being so very effective.

It's not solely a helpful narrative tool, rather a process in which I live my life; form my opinions; craft my worldview - and we all know how everything is dependent upon one's worldview. Honestly, it would be difficult at best to find peace through any other means. Ergo, when I'm first faced with a difficult situation, I endeavor to discover how my own actions may have led to the eventual outcome. Where was I culpable? In what way (if any) were the other parties responsible? I revisit conversations, look back at any emotions which may have been present, and most importantly, any motivations which may have been present. What are those motivations - and their origins?

This of course is often where it breaks down, because it does require equal parts introspection, understanding, and a dash of compassion. The last is what helps us place ourselves in another's position in an attempt to gain their perspective; shift our own viewpoint to that which may feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Ambitious? Absolutely. Impossible? No. Embrace it or don't, but remember, no one is ever fooled by words alone.