Villain

[ehowton]

Everyone (almost) always paints themselves as the good guy in life, especially during times of conflict. They may feel they've done nothing wrong, or were justified in their behavior - neither of which speaks to even an accidental semblance of self-awareness, objectivity, comprehension, or critical thinking. Sure most people don't value those things, but I likewise don't value those who don't. I myself am often spoken of as the villain in others' stories, and while I try to not assign fault or blame, I also realize I am not ever entirely innocent in my actions or behavior. That said, I am always willing to communicate, learn, and if needed, update my thinking. Therein lies the rub. When engaged in active discourse with another, we tend to spend a lot of time in convincing them we are right, rather than trying to understand the perspective from which they base the actions/attitudes/behaviors with which we disagree. Admittedly, they often haven't done the work nor self-reflection to figure that out themselves which makes it quite difficult to have those constructive conversations, usually leading to more of the same.

The fact remains I perceive my actions through the lens of trying to get my needs met - not that that’s a valid excuse for bad behavior and I always strive to do better - But I am nonetheless often surprised at how many people don't consider the actions of others as being motivated by the very same thing, no matter the difference in those needs. One "need" isn't more important than another just because it is our need. Not to mention failing to account for our needs as the catalyst for our behavior, choosing instead to dichotomously paint other people as the bad guy without any understanding how interpersonal dynamics actually work. We see this time and again in our lives.

I don't judge often, but pull this shit with me, and I will.

Comments

[ubet_cha]

Interesting and quite possibly a correct assessment. I do avoid being open with others simply because they tend to take a different approach to life than I do. When they get preachy, either directly or behind my back, I start to cut them off. When it comes to couples that are my friends I have to be careful. Just because one of them understands my opinion doesn't mean their best friend has a clue....Do you run into alot of flak? You don't come off as someone that thinks they are perfect. For the most part I think I may read you once or twice a week. Haven't noticed anyone getting pissy in the comments..... In a way we're both extreme in our reactionary decisions but whatever works for you is also a little educational. The key is you try to improve as you go forward. My own choices haven't been the healthiest.