Attribution

I endeavor to only surround myself with remarkable people. Or those who with whom I have formed an emotional connection. Regardless, remarkable to me. Some take issue with the latter, awkwardly enough. They somehow find it "less than" that they only reason I find them remarkable is because I find them remarkable. That its my feelings about them which thrust them into greatness in my mind and if I didn't feel that way about them they would no longer be remarkable. Surely there's a DSM-V lesson there somewhere. Regardless, I don't think that's how that works. I think it is also within how we see/treat one another which brings out the best parts of us; empowers us. Surely we can surpass our own fears and concerns when those around us see the greatness within as we see it within them. It's mutually supportive.

Alternate take: The only people who tell me this are trying to discourage me from loving them because they're just not that into me.

I've always been one of those people who loved too freely; too openly...too easily. And it's always been other people's baggage which has since left me doubting myself because I couldn't fit into their tiny box of what love is and is not "supposed" to be. One lover described it as security - I totally get that. It's also how I got roped into my most recent disaster - attempting to assuage that lack of security. I fall easily for those who are brilliant and beautiful; who think a certain way and share their joys and struggles. Yet now we're working under the assumption I'm a caregiver which introduces a whole host of new relationship red-flags of which I need to remain aware; diligent. How does this affect me in the long-term? I have no idea. But just like everyone else out there, I long for that connection.

Which brings me to my newest epiphany: I'm not nearly as remarkable as I've always thought myself to be. I'm not. I'm not any more or any less unique than anyone else. I have nothing in which to point that says otherwise. Shed of this ego (for lack of a better word), I'm looking at my future through a different lens - one which is far less magical.

That said, there are those I meet who are equally authentic, but believe in different things than I do. Awkwardly, this mostly revolves around the origin of life and a belief in the afterlife - from the same people who know all the same things I know, and understand all the same things I understand - yet choose to suspend disbelief and rely upon faith as their guiding light. Faith being that which has no empirical evidence but assuages our fear of death with an unverifiable, supernatural belief. With those who are otherwise remarkable, I'm oddly comfortable with that. Why? Attribution.

I break it down like this: Just because you believe in something which I do not, doesn't make you wrong, or me right (ok, some of these beliefs can be traced back to actual fraud and an elementary understanding of anthropology but bear with me). My point is this: We ALL attribute our mix of fate, happenstance, chaos, ideation, and ideology to something - so what people believe is far less important than how that belief manifests itself within them. I fall in love with wonderful, interesting people and if those people are interesting and wonderful and just happen to attribute their gifts to something in which I don't believe is far less important than them being wonderful, interesting people.

Or as I like to say, from Mormonism to the metaphysical - attribution may be important to you, but who you are is important to me.