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Novacula Occami

If we can justify to ourselves that we've had wrong done to us, and choose fault and blame as our weapon of choice without any thought of how culpability takes place in ourselves or our relationships - to the point that our simple, myopic answer - without once articulating the obviously diverse, nuanced landscape of entering into and maintaining relationships, we will likely never be fulfilled. And yes, this awkwardly also applies to solely blaming ourselves. I've had to learn to allow others to take their share of responsibility. Perhaps we can find some measure of comfort in choosing the word, "responsibility" over blame? Over fault? To help us ease from a harmful, repetitive mindset which serves no one - least of all ourselves. But I guess if all we want out of life is money instead of honesty, fucking go for it. See where that gets you.

I was thinking about my most recent break-up and all the conversation which has surrounded it; both of us approaching with grace as we work through the stages of grief together. It isn't easier, but it's more honest. And (I assume) it will conclude in a much better, more well-informed place, rather than endlessly oozing around the base emotions of anger and bitterness and letting those fuel the rest of our lives as we look down from our ivory tower knowing we're blameless in all things.

I've been thinking about Occam's Razor, and more importantly, how each of us chooses to wield it. For example, I don't have all the answers about the origins of life; of the universe. And to the uninitiated, "God did it," is the simplest answer, see? Occam's Razor. They believe that God creating life, the universe, and everything is what makes the least assumptions. They also generally have less scientific knowledge than a fifth grader, but that's an argument for another time. That said, I assume we all tend to cling to things which have worked for us in the past. Anecdotal solutions to common problems. I mean, I know I do. Mine is logic. Hers is energy. The trick is to allow the other their own small comforts and to validate the successes they've had in employing them without smothering them in our own (admittedly sometimes rigid) mindset. Because that can often come across as finger-pointing. Just as we should never limit ourselves to any single philosophy, so should we also endeavor to not limit ourselves to any one anecdotal solution - allow for solutions as diverse as the problem while taking responsibility where we should, and allowing the other party to accept theirs (if any).

My most recent break-up was very different than the one prior to that because she didn't err. Which makes it all the more difficult to reconcile as it is more unbalanced.

But you know what she did do? She showed up for the conversation. She didn't point and blame. And she absolutely didn't feel entitled to financial assets as competence. It was scary, and (in her words, "brutal"), but we did it anyway. Continue to do so. And we continue to learn. About ourselves, and about each other. It helps prime the future.