Create/Consume

As I do often sit for (sometimes months at a time) either playing video games or watching anime, I've often seen myself as being subjected to the duality of a create/consume cycle. As these, "cycles" have been far more create and much less consume this year - and given introspection into what it is I'm creating, I now understand it differently; because I very much create what I consume, and consume what I create.

The other night as I worked tirelessly on yet another passion project after work which has no audience nor outlet - while my flatmates were both playing their respective video games - it dawned on me my downtime was spent creating because that is what I chose to do rather than watch anime or play a video game, which also spoke to the nature of the content I was creating; from a video game. This year it has been Cyberpunk 2077 interspersed with anime shows (and is in fact currently an anime version of Cyberpunk 2077) while years past was World of Warships Legends content. In essence, creating what I consumed. And allowing these projects to dictate my consume time? Consuming what I create. I do so enjoy watching the videos I make over and over whilst I marvel in them. Likely because I alone understand the hundreds of hours which go into them - the inspiration (and the work) - the literally thousands of assets I've curated over time in order to have them at my disposal even if at the time I was uncertain as to their ultimate value.

In fact, I seemingly only consume until the next strike of inspiration. I become exceedingly bored consuming because it doesn't activate the portion of my brain which relaxes me; calms me. No, only troubleshooting/problem-solving does that. The same at work if we're being honest. When I have a project on which to focus, I excel. Yes, I have tried being less ADHD; it is what it is. Also? Nothing I create is monetized. This not only affords me the freedom to create what I want, when I want, but also frees me from the judgement of those who would feel compelled to offer such. While I'm always pleased when someone enjoys what I make, most have no idea of the work which goes into them, which is why even the detractors don't influence me one iota. Mostly it just amuses me because their poor opinion is based on ignorance alone. Thank God my personality type doesn't require external validation or is otherwise impacted.

With this recognition, I'm going to move away from the term, "create/consume cycle" and pen something altogether different; more accurate. To reflect the time well spent pursuing worthwhile endeavors and perhaps move away from any baggage surrounding consumerism in hopes to shed myself of it completely.