Willingness to Succeed

The problem I have with discussing intimacy is the assumption I'm speaking solely about the bedroom when in fact embracing a lifestyle of intimacy permeates itself into every aspect of your life. It makes adventures more adventurous, daily mundane tasks less so, fun more fun, and challenges more surmountable. Much like the flurry of recent conversation surrounding "consent in all aspects of life, not just the bedroom" so it is with intimacy; a far-reaching conversation which can be implemented everywhere, under every circumstance, to make absolutely everything smoother, less problematic, and almost magically remove disagreements and arguments from your life.

All it takes is a little practice, a little introspection, a little emotional maturity, and a willingness to succeed.

Tact Filter

All people have a "tact filter", which applies tact in one direction to everything that passes through it. Most "normal people" have the tact filter positioned to apply tact in the outgoing direction. Thus whatever normal people say gets the appropriate amount of tact applied to it before they say it. This is because when they were growing up, their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!"

"Nerds," on the other hand, have their tact filter positioned to apply tact in the incoming direction. Thus, whatever anyone says to them gets the appropriate amount of tact added when they hear it. This is because when nerds were growing up, they continually got picked on, and their parents continually drilled into their heads statements like, "They're just saying those mean things because they're jealous. They don't really mean it."

When normal people talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they say, and no one's feelings get hurt. When nerds talk to each other, both people usually apply the appropriate amount of tact to everything they hear, and no one's feelings get hurt. However, when normal people talk to nerds, the nerds often get frustrated because the normal people seem to be dodging the real issues and not saying what they really mean. Worse yet, when nerds talk to normal people, the normal people's feelings often get hurt because the nerds don't apply tact, assuming the normal person will take their blunt statements and apply whatever tact is necessary.

So, nerds need to understand that normal people have to apply tact to everything they say; they become really uncomfortable if they can't do this. Normal people need to understand that despite the fact that nerds are usually tactless, things they say are almost never meant personally and shouldn't be taken that way. Both types of people need to be extra patient when dealing with someone whose tact filter is backwards relative to their own.

https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html

2024 - Twelfth Session

To start, she was interested in hearing the The Eighth Stage of Grief (which she found inspired). We used that as our jumping off point.

Eventually, we got around to the BFF.

I explained to Tess my assumptions, then the BFF's assumptions. She wholeheartedly agreed with the BFF. Then laughed at me.

You see, when I finally get down there, I figured we'd take things slowly - figure things out - see how they feel, then proceed. BFF believes that if things feel right, nothing at all will go slowly, because we've spent the last two years figuring everything out. We're both scenario-runners, which means both of us have already played out everything in our head by a factor of 1000, and we wouldn't be at this point unless the odds were in our favor. The last piece of the puzzle being how it feels being together in this new configuration. Barring that, the usual "initial discovery" phase is already complete. All the questions have been asked and answered and all that remains is the practical exercise and its eventual conclusion. Tess wholeheartedly agrees, and bases this on the level of our communication - a level most couples don't see no matter how long they've been together. So if we've already exceeded that, and continue down this path of transparency, vulnerability, dialogue, and reciprocity - we're already ready for one another to create a most perfect union.

I'll take being laughed at for that <3