The Power of Reciprocity

Before I started this post on the power of reciprocity, I re-read both Pledge of Allegiance and subsequently, Impermanence because I wanted to verify the foundations were similar, having just made the connection. Please bear in mind those were both written nearly thirteen years ago, so while my tenor has likely shifted, the cornerstones appear to be intact, if not more malleable now than they were then, as should be expected given the intervening decade of experience.

I've been thinking a lot about loyalty, and more specifically how one can have/hold/defend loyalty without the solidification of trust behind it. No, this isn't just a mental exercise, it's at the top of my list of questions to ask someone who claims it. In the interim, as I wait for an actual, across-the-table sit down to ask the question, I've been contemplating it as a puzzle. Which got me thinking about my own; what I may or may not be willing to take on, or give up, in pursuit of a singular goal, or perhaps how shared goals can strengthen the foundation for relationships - more importantly perhaps, how those shared goals are demonstrated.

During this time of upheaval, I've not only learned far more about myself in (to date) the shortest span of time relative to the amount of growth, I also didn't think it possible to have two such spurts in a single lifetime. If I reached self-actualization in my early 40s, I've gone through a tremendous refining and clarification period in the last several months, which oddly enough makes me feel 40 again - but in absolutely the best way possible. Growth is exciting. Yes uncomfortable, but the resultant outcome is beyond expression; a settling peace coupled with a sense of completeness and adventure, and purpose. Especially when you never thought it possible. Again, growth is exciting, all the more so when you discover someone who is on that same path.

I talk a lot about reciprocity, but always in the abstract, as it is something I would love to experience more fully, more often, and more voluntarily. During my period of upheaval, I've received it from two different people and the experience has fortified my belief in it; in its power. I've spoken previously on how overwhelmingly healing it is during times of duress, but just today equated it with a driving force behind loyalty. If my contemplations are sound, this is huge. I'm not a fan of loyalty mostly because by its very nature it asks us to shelve logic. Not directly of course, instead rather insidiously - which makes me dislike it even more - as it flaunts transparency. I'm sure there are innumerous perspectives on this, but I've always seen doing things out of loyalty as an anathema to doing what is right, or what makes the most sense to do under the circumstance - the most logical course of action. That said, I will be the first to admit that loyalty is earned. I have had supervisors and managers both in and out of the military who I would follow without question because they've proven themselves to me time and again. But that requires trust, and the premise of this blog is loyalty without that trust. Additionally, when we do something out of loyalty, we're often not transparent about our motives. We're know we're dismissing the logical, but it would be grievous to admit, so we hide our intent to instead follow loyalty.

I've been chewing on this awhile, but only when I thought of it as it relates to reciprocity was I able to partially form an answer. I will also admit this is highly personalized to me and very likely, me alone, given the relationship I have with intimacy. I realized I would be highly loyal to those who embrace reciprocity at the same level I do - even without that trust. Intimacy at its core promotes trust - so that trust would eventually come - but pledging loyalty prior to that point surprised me. Which got me thinking about our individualized reasons for doing so, outside my own. Perhaps the person who made the claim has her own personal, yet equally powerful reasons, despite that trust not being present. Either way, discovering the power of reciprocity in my own life has opened me up to the possibility it may exist outside trust altogether.

Her answer by the way? Integrity. Something I admittedly may not have understood the day before, but today, her answer came with the comprehension of clarity. And I believe her <3

Without Critique