Couples - Third Session

I started the session by recounting the key points in HEXAREQUISITE, Pt. IV - Isolation and that became the focus of our therapists' interaction. Sure enough she wanted to know specifically which needs of mine weren't being met - which I challenged (as I believe creating a process; framework for any needs far more important than focusing solely on whatever the need du jour may be, but I digress). She then asked how I justify my current behavior with not wanting to hurt my wife. "Easy, her being hurt has nothing to do with why she hurts, it's just an easy target. If I stopped and focused on someone else instead she'd feel the same, so something else is going on outside my control."

Most of the conversation addressed our daily life and ended up being about expectation management. When she asked my wife directly, "What are your expectations surrounding the BFF?" She mentioned how I'd been friend-zoned and I should just get over it like everyone else. But I wasn't going to let her off that easy, "So I should act/react exactly as you would? Seriously? And besides, your expectation alone doesn't change anything - how does it manifest in such a way that it interferes with our relationship??"

Then we did the communication exercise. We sat facing away from each other and I was given a pen and whiteboard, my wife was given a sheet of paper with a series of geometric objects arranged in a specific order. She had to describe the image in such a way I would be able to draw it, then we switched roles with a different series of geometric objects. When we completed the exercise the therapist wanted to know what, if anything, we learned. My wife told her she learned I trust her judgement and don't worry about mistakes. When it looked like that was the end of the therapists involvement we asked her simultaneously, "...but did YOU learn anything?"

I don't remember what all she said except that based on my reactions waiting for the next instruction when I was drawing and how quickly I was firing off my own instructions when I wasn't, she could tell I processed information quickly or something to that effect, which reinforced my need for connection.

I'm just grateful my wife is such a brilliant, caring person because honestly - who else would put up with me under these circumstances?

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Couples - Second Session