When Worlds Collide

I've never been accused of being an empath.

I don't have the same trauma-response as the people who can walk into a room and pick up on the mood, or immediately pick up on an unspoken situation. No, I have other gifts; gifts which I feel are equally as powerful insofar as they're also immeasurably helpful, albeit differently. Perhaps even conversely. Those experiencing high emotions however, overtly disagree. But right now, I'm feeling everything - which is unusual for me. I am obviously highly entwined in the given situation.

What gets me in the most trouble is navigating the totality of these complex, dissimilar emotions as valid, despite at times appearing entirely contradictory - which (I assume) comes off as dispassionate, neutral, or even uncaring. Believe it or not, it is actually possible to comprehend how different people may assign different values to the same situation based on wildly varying perspectives. Apparently, it's also possible to feel these conflicting emotions as well - which by the way, isn't nearly as fun as it sounds. But that's who I am. That's my super-power.

When emotions run high, we want to feel loved, supported, and (perhaps to a lesser extent) validated. I can do that - I will do that - but I am capable doing it simultaneously with two different, unequally yoked parties who both probably feel entirely justified in their emotions and their emotions alone - and of course they are! Those feelings are powerfully real. I acknowledge that. I also acknowledge that both parties holding these opposing emotions have equally valid emotions. And that's what gets me in trouble. I mean, I get it, I do - it must be exceedingly difficult to feel, "supported" when the person who has triggered these emotions is also receiving support. Do you know what I find exceedingly difficult to do? Ignore the valid emotions of someone I care about. I'm not big on assigning blame - culpability isn't going to solve conflict.

And to some it may feel like betrayal. Just the idea of not, "picking a side" or blind, unwavering allegiance. I will admit my entire life from birth to death would probably be easier if I were that person.

Alas.