HALLOWEEN 2020

:52

( Gryphons and Gargoyles )

Accepting myself

I wonder how to accept myself.  

I'm talking about the conflict of the things that interest me that I will never persue and my desire to be the type of person who would actually persue their interests.

Accepting that I will probably never follow through with those desires.  That I should now buy the book on breadmaking, that I should sell or give away all those books that make me sad when I see them on my shelf because I won't stop and read them or do the gardening that they suggest.  

How do I accept who I am now, focus on the things I am able to do, but not stagnate, not be a person who doesn't grow?

I find my writing here to be as disorganized as my brain around this topic.  

Maybe it's the push pull of being here and now and looking towards the future, of having goals.  I've never been a goal maker.  Maybe it's time.  Will it help?  

Ah, you can sense my indecisivness, my inability to make decisions around my being.  I don't want to be all lists and organization, but certainly there is a middle ground for me.  What does that look like?