White Trash

White Trash I

When I first ran across Crocs brand shoes, I was sure I was seeing the rise (and eventual fall) of another fad of cheap nasty shoes, and was shocked one summer several years ago at the sheer number of people I saw wearing these shoes at the Saint Louis Zoo. IN PUBLIC! I was embarrassed for them.

Fast forward a couple of years and I notice drax0r unabashedly wearing his to work everyday. Do you understand what I saw? Not simply wearing them to work, but doing so unabashedly! It was unthinkable.

Finally, I was talked into trying on a pair. I found them spongy and awkward. I didn't want to spend money on spongy and awkward shoes. Then my wife got a dog. Unlike a cat, dogs require daily walks. I'm required to leave my house daily *after* I arrive, and I rarely wear shoes once I'm home. This dog thing is bothersome in that it requires me putting shoes on again. I'm unaccustomed to putting shoes on more than once a day. I did go barefoot once, but the texture of the street tore my feet up something fierce. So I decided on the absolute cheapest shoes I could think of: Crocs.

drax0r and I drove to the Outlet Mall where they keep a store, and I was surprised at how many different varieties of these shoes they now have. A Crocs for every occasion. And in every color of the rainbow to boot. Except in my style/size. (I was going to initially get some bright yellow ones to compete with these $100 Ferrari shoes at exactly one-tenth the cost but had to settle for white (it was either that or powder blue). Frankly, I'm impressed. These are from their 'work' series, which lends validation to what drax0r assumed all along.

The whole intercourse with your sister thing - I've always understood the analogy from a platonic point of view - its mindblowingly fantastic sex, but its wrong, because she's your sister; but never before have I *actually* felt the weight of shame that intense. Until this moment. Because I love them. And its really not in the not having sex with your sister part - you'd keep doing it as long as you could. Its absolutely in the getting caught part. I wore them to work today, but I hope no one notices.


White Trash II

If I'm sitting at an intersection waiting for you so I can turn left, and you turn right into the same street I'm on without indicating, you need to learn some fucking manners. I don't believe in karma, but I might if I thought it would cause you frustration later on for being so lackadaisical in your attitude.

If you're in the left hand lane, get the fuck out. You're going to kill someone. You are the most dangerous driver on the road today. Someday, you're going to cry hot tears of loss and not know why. I'm here to tell you - its because you're selfish. I'm going to start rooting for karma.


White Trash III

I had to submit a request via an online form. The first question was "Service Request Details" in which I filled out a very detailed list of what I needed done. The second question was "Expected outcome of service delivered" which I read as, What is it you expect us to do with your request? I was livid! I hotly typed in, I EXPECT YOU TO FULFILL MY REQUEST!

Then I sat on it for 8-hours mulling it over in my head before submitting it. Upon re-reading it, I decided they were curious as to what the change would help me accomplish, and changed my reply accordingly. I'm glad I'm sometimes smarter than I am impulsive.